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numb2stuff

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  1. Yes! I feel this way all the time I look at peopleon TV or with great careers and wonder why I can't have that. There is something on my personality that holds me back to the point that I am just passive. I recently moved into an apartment complex Been here a littlee over a month, and I just don't feel compelled to speak to them. I know if I network, I could open up opportunities for myself. On my days off, I just sit in my apt. all day and sleep or eat or watch tv. I dont even go outside. I wish my life could have turned out more, but I have more past than future now. Ah well, at least I wont remember all the disappointments after Im dead and gone.
  2. To set the record straight I am a guy looking for a woman. I poorly worded part of post. To answer about what I am doing. I have never been a social butterfly and I really dont connect with the majority of people. Having said that, there is this cute girl I work with I connect with, similar humor, very fun to be around. Now I start to wonder 'what if' But if my history in relationships has shown me (which is no history) is that I wont even stand a chance, no matter how good or funny or nice I am to her. It frustrates the hell out of me. I can count a handful of women I really connected with in that way and EVERY time I walk away disappointed. Am I ready for arguments? Yes. Am I ready for the emotional rollorcoaster? Hell yes. I have been replaying every scenaio imaginable in my mind and most couples I talk to agree that the rewards in a relationship FAR outweight the negatives. I am not a big subscriber to online dating. It doesnt feel organic enough. And regular dating sounds so negative. Countless articles about dating rules, do's,don't's,requirements, leads me to think there isn't anyone worth dating. Its such B.S. I really dont know what to say. I HATE being reminded, either by coworkers or online posts, about how wonderful 'x' husband did for the Ms. Or my favorite: If it wasnt for the kids, there would be no reason to live. I mean how does that make us childless people feel? Insensitive...
  3. Why does this miserable existance keep dragging out? I am reminded CONSTANTLY that I am single and alone. I picture all those happy couples holding hands, sharing a kiss,tt showing affection. I want this longing to stop. WHAT MAKES OTHER PEOPLE BETTER THAN ME? I can only think that God has his favorites. And to those out there that say God is enough, well, I can't curl up with 'God' on the couch, or give him a kiss on the cheek, or massage his back after a hard day's work. Really, if I go through this life alone, I'd as soon as rather not been created.
  4. Hi, I guess. I'm new and depressed :/ Been this way a long time. Wasn't sure I should join the forums, but man I just need to vent...Where to begin......well, I don't like being around people much. It feels like a chore. There's only a few people in my life I really connected with. I've had the same job for 13 years. On one hand, I am proud of the longevity, but on the other, I am so burned out. At 36, I feel it's a little late in the game to start over (and I just don't feel anything matters anyway). I just hate the way things are in life. I never go to company functions...yes, they make you feel like 'family', but if you don't work up to expectations, you're gone. At the end of the day, you're just an employee number. I mean what would happen to me if I died tonight? I guess my coworker would say ' man, was a great worker', not 'he was a great person and a hard worker' we'll miss him'. I really feel I could go away and it wouldn't make a d*** bit of difference to ANYONE. I did mention I was 36 going on 37. I've never kissed a woman, held hands, walk together, hug. That probably gets me down the most.....lack of human affection with a mate. I get so dissappointed at how TV portrays women that I assume that is how most women are (I don't socialize with women enough to change my mind otherwise). I apologize, I have a ball of emotion right now... I just hurt. Seeing so many beautiful women just in the area I live, and I get so sad and ask myself ' not ONE for me???' . As a child, I got so discouraged and so disappointed by family/school/classmates I just....gave up. No hope, no disappointments, right? I've had women smile at me, but I never have the heart to smile back. Not any more...even if a woman was interested. I really feel nothing matters. Just......numb. Well, I kinda hit bullet points here, there's a lot more I get depressed over when I'm alone with my brain...guess I'll just keep chugging away until I expire...
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