Epictetus

Hi user1492 It is so rare when I hear of people taking responsibility for their actions. I really admire you for that. Bravo. Guilt is a heavy load. I hope you will find some peace of mind and joy of living. You deserve to have a good life ! ! ! - epictetus

Your post helps me too to feel less alone with my own depression and anxiety ! ! !

I am also praying for you Logan. You are very important to us here on the Forums. You help me and so many others feel less isolated and alone with our own personal anguish and pain. You are a real treasure! You are also so gifted with language. Your writing about depression is so poignant and poetic. I wish I knew how to help you feel better about yourself and your life! - epictetus

Hi Optimuscoolbeans, Sorry I was not able to respond to your post. I've been ill on and off for awhile and am not at my best. How are you doing today? You mention antidepressants. I was helped a great deal by them. I don't think I would even be alive if I had not been prescribed antidepressants since therapy did not seem to be enough for me. I realize, of course, that what works for some doesn't work for others. I sure hope you find something that helps ! ! ! - epictetus

Hi Aizen, I was unable to respond to your post on Monday because I became ill. How are you doing today. You mentioned that your doctors gave you some sleeping medication. Did they also test you for depression? Maybe I misunderstood your post. If so, I am sorry. - epictetus

Hi BWallaroo and welcome to the Forums, I am really sorry you are having such a rough time. It must be awful to be struggling with so many difficult things at the same time. I can't imagine what I would do if these things were happening to me. Depression and anxiety are both so brutal. They have affected both my work life and my personal life. I wish I had some good advice but sadly I am at a loss for ideas. I think it is so cool that you like to draw. I enjoy that also. Not many people like my drawings though. I hope you will gets lots of responses to your post. I also hope you will find these Forums as helpful to you as they have been to me ! ! ! - epictetus

I'm so sorry that happened to you. If that happened to me, I would be so sad.

Hi Henricksbrock, Your posts are very meaningful to me personally as I have experienced something similar in my life. You may not realize this, but your posts help me and so many others here on the Forums. I've been around these Forums for many years and I can't tell you how many people have told me that posts like yours have not only helped them feel less isolated and alone with their suffering, but have actually saved their lives. So to me you are a hero. What you have done here erases any mistakes you might have made earlier in your life. I understand, though, that OCD can block your recognition of this. I wish I knew how to help! - epictetus

Hi Toughfighter83, I guess I don't understand the situation. Are the toys you want to get very expensive? If you buy toys and then sell them the next year and if its been five years since you had a toy, I don't know why they are upset. Is there something else behind their attitude? - epictetus

How awful that you are in such pain, Toughfighter ! ! ! I wish I knew how to help. I do want to thank you for posting what you did. It helps me and so many others here on the Forums to feel less isolated and alone with our own personal anguish and pain. Helping others is very heroic in my eyes and I think you are heroic. I only wish I could be as helpful to you as you have been to me and so many here on the Forums from all over the world. Is there a specific pain that you think we might be able to help you with? - epictetus

I tried Niacin but it didn't have any effect on my depression. I only tried it for two weeks though. I've noticed that my depression improves when I consume products containing the amino acid, phenylalanine, which is an ingredient in Nutrasweet. There is a lot of controversy about Nutrasweet so I couldn't offer any advice about it. Maybe I am seeing connections where no connections exist, but I find it interesting that diet drinks and other such products contain an amino acid that some speculate might have antidepressant properties. Sure hope you find something that helps you, Tim ! ! ! Please don't take anything I say too seriously. I am often mistaken about things ! ! !

Hi crewneck, Wow, I can really empathize with what you said. I am the same way about job interviews. Wish I had some good advice for you, but I take medication before doing something really stressful [because I suffer from panic attacks]. I am not sure how I would handle a job interview without the medication. Hopefully some of the other members here will have some useful advice for you. If no one responds, I will try to remember something a psychiatrist told me about handling job interviews while under anxiety and depression. Best to you ! ! ! - epictetus

Coz, I think you are a glorious human being. Part of being human is that we are all a bunch of contradictions woven together. I've yet to meet anyone who is not at some deep level, all mixed up. We can only be ourselves. Although I am not you and would never want to trespass on the uniqueness of your life and experience, I see parallels between your life and mine. I wish I could offer you some advice, but my mind is empty. The only thing I can think to say is: be kind to yourself. We deserve kindness not only when everything is going well, but also and perhaps even more when things are confusing and mixed up. I'm really sorry I cannot be helpful here. Hopefully others here will have more helpful words for you. My heart goes out to you. PS: I see you are from Russia. I visited Russia once and I treasure my experiences there.

I spent a long time fearing and hating my dad and hating myself for fearing and hating him. Age or whatever has mellowed me out a bit. I've come to realize that he suffered from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. I think this made him in part someone he wasn't like being possessed by the illness. In spite of everything there was great good in him. He taught me to love and respect all living creatures. When I was little I was scared of bugs. If I saw one I asked my father to **** it. My father would try to convince me to allow him to catch it and put it outside. That stuck with me and became a major part of my philosophy of reverence for life. Depression is infamous for causing selective attention. In depression, the mind can't remember good, only bad. It cannot give attention to good, only bad. For decades I only saw the bad in my father. Now I see the good and bad. I also see that things were not so black and white as I used to think. If he was no bouquet of roses, neither was I. I think I feared my father more than anything else. Since fear was not "manly" I transmuted it into hatred. My father was great, terrible, wonderful, amazing, horrible, kind-hearted, cruel, calm, furious, happy, depressed, obsessed, successful, failing, intelligent, unwise, strong, weak, brave, cowardly, ambitious, lazy, terrifying and wonderful. He was a mass of contradictions, like me. - epictetus

Family stuff. Ugh. So sorry that happened to you !