Epictetus

Hi Samadhi, In retrospect, I think it was wrong of me to offer you a philosophical argument. I'm so sorry. If a person is in pain, he or she has a right to scream. It is wrong of me to try to argue you out of that scream. Wrong and not helpful. I am sure I would see and hear and sense and feel and think about things exactly as you do if I was in your shoes. Wish I knew what to say that would help. It is terrible that you are suffering so much. - epictetus

Well I've seen you around these Forums for some time. I've seen you reach out to people in trouble. It can be pretty easy to reach out to someone in misery when everything is coming up roses in one's life. But you suffer and still reach to others. I find that heroic beyond words. It certainly puts everything I do to shame. You also share music with us here. Music is awesome and helps and enriches people all over the world. You share your own inner life with strangers here and those who know you and that is certainly a great help to others and to me when I am in the pit.

What do you mean by "banality" Samadhi?

Since I come from a philosophical background, I can appreciate the idea of calling all things into question and doubting as long as one also doubts one's own doubts. When someone says that everything is meaningless, should I take that seriously? What I mean is: Isn't the person saying this telling me: "what I am saying here is meaningful, namely that everything is meaningless? And if a person believes that even what he is saying is meaningless, then I wonder: "why say it and why expect others to take it seriously?" And it seems to me, that a person who says that everything is meaningless still holds onto some values. What I mean is that they believe it is "good" to know that everything is meaningless, that is "bad" to believe in meaning and also that it is "good" to sort of teach others the "truth" that everything is meaningless and "bad" to keep that truth to oneself. If I say that everything is BS, smoke and mirrors and such . . . am I also saying that what I am saying is BS and smoke and mirrors and such. If I exempt myself from the world of BS and saying that everything is BS except my insight that everything is BS, am I not smuggling in a little meaning into what I say is meaningless? Am I doubting all things but my own doubts? I've been watching the news pretty much all of my adult life. Most of the news is about bad things that have happened or are going on. Philosophically I can look at the news and ask, why are bad things reported rather than good. What I mean is that I've never watched a news program where the stories were thus: Today there were not earthquakes on every inch of land on the earth. Today every student in the world [a billion] did not commit a mass violent act. Today tens of thousands of trains and buses transported people safely to their destinations without incident. Today over a trillion people did not commit a violent felony. These kinds of things don't make the news because good things are very common. It is common for tens of thousands of aircraft to transport hundreds of thousands of travelers safely. It is news when one crashes. That has some philosophical dimension. While it is true that things are not perfect, is it true that only perfection is good? Perfectionists have thought so but I wonder. Of course if one equates goodness with infinite perfection that one is able to criticize anything and everything, including oneself. But that leads to some questions too. Where do human beings get this notion of "perfection"? Someone once said that we get the notion of "perfection" by comparing things that are more perfect to things that are less perfect. But this begs the question. How do we know that some things are more or leess perfect unless we have some notion of "perfection" itself. You ask "on whose authority" so many things are presented and if that not a "meaningful" question? Perhaps that is why philosophers are taught to question and challenge everything but also challenge and question their own doubts. Perhaps I'm wrong.

Hello Twotone, I only saw your post just now, but its been 10 hours since you posted it. How are you feeling? - Epictetus

I'm so sorry, Charlee. Wish I knew what to say? When I was at the point you describe, I was helped by medication. It turned my life around. I was in a psychiatric hospital at the time. Medication was what helped me the most. I realize that some people do not respond well to medication. Don't know what I would do if I was in that situation. Depression really destroys everything it touches. Even lucky things and happy surprises turned sour when I was severely depressed. People who have never suffered serious depression have NO idea. Hope that somehow . . . someway . . . that things get better for you. Sorry I don't know what to say to help! - epictetus

I am also very sorry to hear of your heartbreaking situation. I was in a situation very similar to yours. The pressures were so great that I actually suffered a mental breakdown. I was enormously helped by getting advice from a therapist. Seeing a therapist might be something to seriously consider given the pressures you are under. Hopefully these Forums will help you too! One thing a therapist taught me was how to distinguish between "realistic" and "unrealistic" expectations. I might be wrong, but I wonder if there might not be some truth in the idea that people in your life are holding "unrealistic" expectations about who and what you should be to be a good person and what you should and must do to be a good person. A psychiatrist had an interesting conversation with me once. He asked me to consider an imaginary situation as a thought experiment. The situation was this: Imagine that one is taken away from the earth by aliens. One day one simply disappears. What would happen? All the people in one's life would still have their difficulties, troubles and crises. They would still have their needs and desires. But you would not be around to fix them, solve them, remedy them because you would not be there. Would the world end? No. Would the sun quit rising and falling? No. Everyone would go on. Solutions would be found without you. Substitutes would be found and alternatives. Maybe people would still hang on to their unrealistic expectations but they could not longer place them upon your shoulders. This was an interesting conversation for me because when I suffered my mental breakdown I found that the people in my life who had so many expectations and such unrealistic expectations about me managed to get along quite well without me. I realize, of course, that this is NOT your situation. I mention all this not as a "solution" to your situation but as an example of how talking to a professional like a therapist can often be helpful. A professional therapist usually has quite a number of tried and true methods for helping people. Sometimes they suggest something and if that doesn't help, they suggest something else. They try to tailor their help to their clients particular situations. I am not a doctor or medical professional of any kind, so I cannot offer life wisdom that would be something you or anyone could rely on. I am NOT a therapist. You are a good person. I hope you will get many responses to your urgent post. Wish I had something helpful to offer, but sadly I am a loss. I sure hope you find someway to have some peace of mind and joy of living again. You deserve those things! I also hope you will get much better and more helpful responses to your post than my poor words! - epictetus

I have been sort of in shock over Mark's [Dave's] passing. Still don't have words. So sad. So very, very sad.

It is nice to meet you, Lucas. I think that being from Brazil is a wonderful thing and you are certainly welcome here. I'm not very good with introductions, but I do want to tell you that you seem like a very interesting person and that I am looking forwarding to reading anything you post here on the Forums! - epictetus

"Magnificent Obsession."

I was kind of lazy today and didn't do any of the exercises I planned.

I'm planning all kinds of train trips for this Spring; train trips I probably won't be able to afford. But the planning is fun all the same.

My uncle was a tree surgeon until he decided to branch out. When a patron asked a librarian where he could find a book on oil, the librarian told him: "You'll find it in the Non-Friction section." I was so surprised that you could have knocked me over with a fender. I don't believe in having two wives. I only believe in monotony. Show some virtue and don't just give in to your carnival instinks.

Psycholuigiman, Well, you certainly help me and so many people here on the Forums to feel less isolated and alone with our own personal doubts, miseries and pain. That makes you a hero to me. Heroes are not just people who perform some epic feat that makes the newspapers. Nor are they just people who work in crisis professions. Helping a depressed or anxious person to feel less alone helps that person to stay alive and keep going. And that is every bit as life saving as the work of emergency professionals. So I think you are a person of great stature. One of my personal heroes was Oskar Schindler. He didn't get much validation from his family. He had lots of problems. In a certain respect he sort of failed as a husband, a son, a businessman. He overindulged in numerous vices. But he is not really known for any of that. He is known for saving the lives of people during the Holocaust. And that pretty well erased everything else in his life. The fact that you help me and others here on the Forums is not something that can ever be taken away from you. It is a mark you make in time, history and eternity. I personally think you are pretty special! - epictetus