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Epictetus

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Epictetus last won the day on January 9 2020

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About Epictetus

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    New Mexico, USA
  • Interests
    Philosophy. Theology. Jainism. Music. Comparative Religion. Poetry. Nature and animals. Fine Arts and Music. Cinema. Travel. Meeting people. Humor and cartoons. Neurobiology. Asian culture. Japan. Flying.
    Philosophical foundations of the natural and social sciences. Dining. Airliners. SimCity 4D. Learning. Aerodynamics. Jet propulsion and jet engine technology.

    Suffer from Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Also suffer from a hospital-acquired super-infection I am on the antibiotic of last resort and hanging in there. My meds are Citalopram daily and Clonazepam as needed.

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  1. Thank you so much for your great kindness. I really appreciate it. You have helped me here and many others too! My mind isn't functioning too well today so sorry if this doesn't make sense.
  2. Diverting myself with my hobbies. Sometimes when I am troubled or hurt I pour myself into things that can't hurt back. Hugs to everyone!
  3. Never tried a dating app so I am out of my element. I think I'm a bit schizoid so that probably has something to do with it. Best of luck gandolfication!!!
  4. @June322 I am so very, very sorry that happened to you. I tend to use the word "heartbreaking" a lot, but I feel in this case, your situation is truly, truly heartbreaking. Since I was not sexually abused by a parent, I don't feel as though I am at the same depth of suffering as you and so I feel I would be a hypocrite to offer you advice. I was emotionally abused by my parents and find myself more and more in the role of caregiver for the one who is still alive. And it stirs up in me all kinds of unwelcome thoughts and feelings: depression, stress, feeling trapped, distress, anxiety, panic attacks, sometimes rolling panic attacks, fatigue, feelings of anger and rage directed wildly and on and on. For the sake of my mental health I have had to place my mental health above almost all other things. This is taken as selfishness by others but I was in a mental hospital once and I don't want to end up there again. I could say that it is fear that drives me but others take it as lack of bravery. Those who do not labor under the burdens of mental illness, especially mental illness linked to past trauma can never understand those who are so burdened. The mental illness that comes from past trauma can be paralyzing but it is not a paralysis that engenders compassion in most people. A person paralyzed by an accident will often elicit understanding and compassion from others. Others will tend to lower their expectations for that person. Sadly this is often not the case for those who are disabled or paralyzed by mental illness caused by trauma. Being sexually abused by a parent must be the worst kind of trauma a young person can suffer. I think it must scar them for life. Who can understand that except someone who has going through the same thing? When things are abnormal I think it is normal to be abnormal [if that makes any sense]. When I had a complete breakdown and was hospitalized, a psychiatrist addressed our group and said: "You shouldn't be here. Its the people who made you this way who should be behind these walls." Sometimes our poor brains need a rest. Sometimes they need to breakdown in order to get better. [Please don't think I am encouraging anyone to have a mental breakdown]. I'm just trying to say that when a person is victimized it is to be expected that all kinds of strange things will happen to them. And none of it is their fault. The brain has a mind of its own. I wish I knew how to help you. Sadly wanting to help someone is often not enough. One must also know how. I don't know how. I do know you here on these Forums as a kindhearted and deeply compassionate and understanding soul so I wish you only the best. You are a remarkable person who inspires me. I hope you find the path for yourself that leads you to the best possible outcome. My deepest, deepest apology for not knowing how to be helpful to you! Please know that my heart goes out to you.
  5. Feeling inner conflict between the "Golden Rule" and protecting myself from those who even if innocently and unknowingly trigger bad feelings in me. When one is mentally ill it is more than not wanting to be around those who tend to be pushy and judgmental because there is a health dimension to it. Even medicated and with psychological tools to deal with one's automatic thoughts, there is a danger element to being around people who are well-meaning but have a propensity for toxic behavior. What is one's duty to truthfulness to such individuals when telling the truth hurts them and/or hurts oneself?
  6. Feeling a little low today. Hugs to everyone out there.
  7. I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time! Heartbreaking just reading about it and can't imagine what it is like to be living it day to day. Pretty sure I cannot really be impartial since I have to be on medication all the time or I will sink back into darkness. I fear giving "advice" since it is so easy to give bad advice or make someone feel worse than they already feel. Maybe others here who are not so timid will see your post and respond to it with something practical and really helpful to you. Wish I knew what to say that would really help. My heart goes out to you and I hope your situation improves!
  8. I hope you are better now, ladysmurf. These days I am a nervous wreck from having been bitten by a dog and being put on antibiotics. Last time I was on antibiotics I got c diff disease and it almost did me in spite of taking every treatment available. I hope that won't happen again. Amazing how much I want to live when I am facing the prospect of passing away. Hugs to everyone here, members and readers of these Forums!
  9. I have tinnitus perhaps from a medication I take for my depression and anxiety but I have no experience with the medicine called Wellbutrin. Hopefully members here with Willbutrin experience will see your post and respond with something helpful. So sorry I could not be helpful to you. Tinnitus can be awful!
  10. I am so very, very sorry that you suffer from the maladies you mention. What things have you tried to help remedy these ills? It is heartbreaking that you are suffering!
  11. I am so sorry you are suffering! ! ! Wish I knew what to say that would help. If it is not too much of a burden for you, it might be helpful to know what standard treatments you have tried to alleviate your hearing of mean and hateful voices and your emotional numbness: 1] Have you seen a licensed physician? 2] Has the physician diagnosed a cause of your suffering and offered you medical treatments? 3] If a licensed physician has prescribed medications for you,do you take them as prescribed, and do they help and how much do they help or not help? 4] Are you or have you been in the care of a psychotherapist? If so, what kind of therapy does your therapist offer? 5] If you are in the care of a therapist, do you find it helpful? How helpful or unhelpful? Knowing things like this might help members here to be better able to relate to what you are going through and perhaps even have some helpful words for you. Unfortunately none of us here are physicians or medical professionals so we cannot diagnose the cause of your suffering or offer you treatment. Since the First Principle of Medicine is: "First of all, do no harm.", no one here will want to say anything that might make you feel worse or which might make you worse. I definitely empathize with you but am not qualified to offer you advice that you could or should rely upon because I fear making you feel worse. I suffer depression and anxiety so I am not someone who suffers from hearing hateful voices or numbness of feeling. My heart goes out to you!
  12. I got attacked and bitten by a dog. Waiting now to see if the dog has rabies. If the dog is okay after 10 days I will not need the rabies vaccine series. Sigh. Hugs to everyone.
  13. I'm so sorry you are suffering through all this What an ordeal for you to bear! Sometimes it can help to change psychiatrists if one feels that things are not really helping. I have done this before. Please know that I am NOT trying to denigrate your psychiatrist in any way. I'm sure he is a kind, compassioaten person with great skills and insight. Its just that sometimes we need to change things around a bit. If your psychiatrist is helping you please disregard what I wrote. I am NOT a licensed physician or medical professional of any kind and so am totally unqualified to give advice that you are anyone else could or should rely upon. Hopefully members with with greater people skills, intelligence, knowledge and wisdom will see your post and respond to it with more helpful words than my poor words. It's a heavy burden to go through life lacking deep peace of mind and joy of living. My heart goes out to you!
  14. I'm sorry that is happening to you @Zeebug15. Something similar happens to me sometimes. It is very unnerving and demoralizing. Since being medicated for depression, it hardly happens to me anymore. I think I was one of the lucky ones for whom medication helped. Wish I knew what to say to help you. Depression is always awful regardless of its degree. Those who have not been burdened with it have no idea how heavy a burden it is to bear. How sad that one can be honest with others concerning other heath issues but sometimes one can feel like one doesn't have permission to suffer depression. My heart goes out to you!
  15. I am also sorry that you are suffering Emu. The ordeals are you going through and have gone through are so heartbreaking that I am brought to tears just reading about them. Can't even imagine living them as you do. AloneGuy has given you such wonderful advice in my opinion. I hope you will give some thought to it since it could help you so enormously. There are treatments available that could help you with your mental anguish. Sometimes it is hard to seek treatment when we are suffering since the smallest things can be an ordeal. But I hope you will find strength somewhere deep inside yourself to get medical help. I know it can be such an empty and feeble cliche, but my heart goes out to you. I really mean that!
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