Epictetus

My heart goes out to you, Sentinel2, I wish I had some great advice for you, but what you wrote could describe how I felt before getting a job when I got out of school. It was so unbelievably scary and agonizing because I suffer depression and anxiety and panic attacks. Hopefully you will get many responses to your post . . . helpful responses. I am so glad that things went better than you expected! I do want to thank you for what you posted. It will help so many people here on the Forums to feel less isolated and alone with their own terror of entering the workplace So I and we are so grateful to you. I wish I could write more but I am battling a terrible bout of tendinitis in my hands at the moment so I must be brief. Thank-you again for helping me and us here. You are a special person in our eyes. I only hope that we can somehow be as helpful to you as you have been to us ! ! ! - epictetus

Hi FerryJerry, Wow. I am so sorry that all these things are happening to you. Sounds like a real nightmare. I don't think I could handle it if I was in your place. Wish I could write more but I have a really bad headache right now. Hopefully you will gets lots and lots of responses to your post. You have been through so much and are still going through so much ! ! ! epictetus

Hi Malo and welcome to the Forums, I am so sorry you are afflicted with depression. It is such a brutal, brutal illness. Hopefully these Forms will be of some use to you. They have helped me a lot. I hope you will write more about what is going on in your life. I am not sure I really understood everything you said. Maybe it is because I have a bad headache at the moment and just cant think clearly. In any case . . . I'm happy to meet you! - epictetus

I am sorry that you are in the situation you describe. I have experienced similar things in my life and it was so painful, so very painful. You are not a bad person. To me you are a hero. What you write and post here on the Forums helps me and so many other people from all around the world to feel less alone with our own personal agony and grief. That is not only a healing gift, but a life saving gift and that is why you are a hero to me. I am very grateful to you for what you have done to help me and so many others. I wish I knew what to say to help you. - epictetus

Hi Solomannn. So sorry you are suffering ! I like to play video games too. I wish I knew what to say that would help.

I'm also very, very sorry to hear you are in a deep depression. That is really heartbreaking. Just heartbreaking! I wish I had some useful advice to offer but my experience is that different people respond differently to different antidepressants, so that what works for one of us might not help someone else. I have found Celexa to be the best [for me] antidepressant taken with Buspirone for anxiety. I am 64 years old and have been on Celexa now for more than 20 years. Zoloft worked okay for me. I've never been on Effexor. Are you undergoing anything particularly stressful right now, other than your depression? My experience is that stress can sometimes undermine the effects of antidepressants. Cognitive Behavior Therapy helped me to greatly reduce stress in my life although I was helped more by self-help books on the subject than therapy. Sorry I could not be helpful to you. I am so so sorry you are suffering ! ! ! - epictetus

I think I would have felt exactly as you did and probably would have broken down into tears too. Sorry that happened to you and keeps happening to you ! ! !

Hacksaw Ridge

I'm into something similar to positive psychology but I guess it could be called realist psychology. It is based on the idea that goodness overwhelms badness everywhere and at all times. Goodness is pervasive. If it was not pervasive, it would make the daily news. For example, a plane crashed today. That is a fact. But it is also a fact that tens of thousands of planes transported hundreds of thousands of people safely to their destinations. That does not make the news because it is so common. Or . . . a student went to school last week and did terrible violence and destruction to others. A fact. But it is also a fact that every day, hundreds of millions of students go to school and do not do horrific violence to others. Badness makes the news because it is rare compared to goodness. If this were not the case, then the world would be like this: Earthquakes would destroy every inch of the earth each day and only spare a small area. Most people would be in prison for violent crimes and only a few would not. Every day 99% of planes, trains, buses and cars would crash and only a couple would be spared. Everyday criminals would do destruction and mayhem every waking moment. Everyday every single child in the world would be diagnosed with end stage leukemia except for one or two. But this is not how the world is. Good overwhelms bad daily and universally. This is a kind of "positive" psychology but it is not based on merely looking at the positive. It is acknowledging that positives overwhelm negatives. So it is a realism. It thus proposes realistic appreciation and gratitude. It is part of something called Cognitive Psychology, but it is definitely a "positive' psychology. According to this psychology, there are always two ways of looking at anything and everything including oneself: "could be better, but isn't better," which is called "perfectionism" or "could be worse, but isn't worse." One way produces feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration. The other way produces feelings of being lucky, feelings of gratitude and appreciation. A negative view of self would be: "I, you, he, she, they . . . could be braver, smarter, more careful, more successful, more popular, more attractive, more cleanly, more healthy, morally better." A positive view of self would be: "I, you, he, she they . . . could be less brave, less smart, less, careful, less messy, less successful, less popular, less attractive, less, healthy, less moral." But they are not less. Of course, depression has been linked in some cases to organic pathology in the brain, such pathology making it difficult or maybe impossible to "be positive" without medical assistance according to some research. If you or anyone is interested in the philosophy behind cognitive psychology, I would recommend a short youtube video entitled "Life Wisdom from Aaron Beck". Aaron Beck is one of the founders of Cognitive Psychology. Of course I could be wrong about anything I have said here. I am often wrong about things! Just FYI. - epictetus

Positron Emission Tomography [PET] scans often reveal differences in the way blood flow and glucose metabolism [energy use] are processed in the brains of those who suffer from BPD and OCD. I think one can find images of this if one does an internet search under "OCD PET SCAN" or "BPD PET SCAN." Not sure though.

I am pretty much in the same boat since I am alone so much.

It is heartbreaking that you are suffering ! ! !

Could you elaborate on that a little bit more, Solomann? I am very interested in what you said.

I'm sorry to hear that. My father had OCD and I have it a little bit.

Hi Lina, I also want to welcome you to the Forums. Depression can be so brutal sometimes. I am so sorry it has affected you since you were 17 and that it is still affecting you. Hopefully these Forums will be of some help to you. They have helped me a lot. Thank you for posting what you did. It helps me and it will help so many people from around the world that read your post. And that is really a healing and life saving gift to us. I would like to write more but painful tendinitis in both hands prevents me from typing for long. Thank you again for what you posted. I am looking forward to reading your future posts. - epictetus