Epictetus

We've had so much humid weather here in New Mexico which is rare for this time of year. Monsoon season usually starts in August. New Mexico is a pretty dry state and so people have swamp coolers which is a good fit with the weather. I have one too but it just doesn't work when it is humid out. Wish I had refrigerated air but I can't afford it. If wishes were fishes . . . Except when I am asleep, I have felt uncomfortable most of the time. That is getting really old.

I think that is a very good point. There is a theory [or hypothesis] that many cases of chronic low mood are related to an attitude of perfectionism. Perfection has many meanings but one sense of the term involves looking at oneself, others and things in general from the point of view of: "could be better, but isn't better. I could be better but am not. You, he, she, we, they... could be better but are not." Things and events in life could be better but are not better. This attitude has certain good points to it. Without it, we probably wouldn't have cars, trains, planes, refrigerators, electric lights, refrigeration, heating and air conditioning, medical cures and so on. In a way, people have to look at things and think: "this could be better, but isn't" and it sometimes motivates people to make things better. But perfectionism in this sense can have a dark side too. For some people, if things cannot be perfect, then it can seem that any effort is pointless. There is another way of looking at things: "could be worse, but isn't worse." That is an attitude towards self, others and things in general which tends to engender feelings of gratitude, appreciation and a sense of feeling blessed or lucky. Some psychologists have suggested that some level of perfectionism is sort of hard wired into human beings. We as a species are the species that is dissatisfied with the status quo and want to change it for the better. There is a theory [or hypothesis] that excessive exposure to the stress hormones damages the human brain in those genetically predisposed to this. Stress and the stress hormones might be activated by perfectionism. No human being is an infinite Being. No human being is all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful and all-perfect. If a human being aims to be this, it might create a great deal of internal stress. Since perfectionism can drive a person to try to excel at something and be successful, it might create a lot of stress in that person. For a true perfectionist, good is never good enough: one should and must always be more and do more. It is as if one is running a race and every time one reaches the finish line, the finish line is moved farther away. "Success" which is seen as producing happiness only leads to more stress since one can never rest it if one is a perfectionist. It can be very draining and demoralizing. There is a also a psychological theory [or hypothesis] that many people were raised to think that peace and enjoyment are morally dubious. For those so raised, one should never be too satisfied or happy or at peace. One "should" be perpetually dissatisfied. To be satisfied is looked at as somehow kind of immoral. Momentary happiness and peace are okay. But long term happiness and peace are somehow looked at as of questionable morality. There are people who by temperament tend to look at look at themselves, others and the world with the attitude of "could be worse, but isn't worse." These people seem generally happier and more peace than perfectionists, all other things considered equal. For perfectionists, it is hypothesized, one can never do enough or be enough. One is only as good as the last good thing one has done. Another aspect of perfectionism is that it sees things in a black and white way ignores grey areas. If something isn't perfect, it is somehow bad. This way of looking at things tends to blur the continuum of good and evil. For example, a couple of men in the last 100 years are responsible for the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children through campaigns of genocide and forced starvation. Most people are not responsible for the destruction of tens of millions of people. But for a perfectionist, the only good is the perfect. A person will feel worthless, not for destroying tens of millions of lives, but for failure to get good grades in school or something that is minor in comparison to genocide. At least that is what the theory is.

Feeling a little worried that something bad will happen and I won't have enough money to fix it, if it can be fixed. Medication and CBT helps me with my fears but one fear I have is ending up with Alzheimer's disease. My grandmother got that and it was a real nightmare. Hugs here to anyone who needs one.

Feeling pretty good today. My worries are at a minimum, which is a blessing. I prefer being alone to dealing with interpersonal drama. We had a big storm yesterday that knocked out power for about three hours. Amazing how many things I use that require electricity. Luckily I had a battery powered camp light. Wonder if a battery operated tent fan would be nice. Got pretty hot without a/c.

Hi Happpy, I take Turmeric. I also add a little clover powder and cinnamon powder to water to boost my immune system. Once a day I eat some Kimchi. It is a fermented product. I hope you get many responses to your post. Best to you.

I wish I had a better relationship with my mother, but being around her always leads to my having awful panic attacks. She is 90 years old now and could use my company but I have a phobia of being around her. I dread the imaginings of what would happen if she got sick. She doesn't really understand mental illness or panic disorder so she just thinks I am a bad son.

I am so very, very sorry you are in that situation. Must be so heartbreaking. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful.

I do remember you. Nice to see you here again. I'm so glad things have improved for you. Hope things will get better and better!

I am so very, very sorry you are going through this. If it was happening to me I would be absolutely terrified and grief stricken. I suffer from anemia from other causes and I know it isn't healthy. Hope you find some relief. It is just heartbreaking what you are going through.

The things you mention wear me down too and demoralize me a lot. They cast a dark cloud over everything. The only thing that helps somewhat is remembering that journalism tends to focus on negative events because positive events are so common. The vast, vast majority of apartment buildings do not collapse. The vast, vast majority of aircraft do not crash. The vast majority of trains do not derail daily. And on and on. Bad things make the news because they are relatively rare compared to good things. I never watch the news and hear something like this: "Today 99% of cars, trucks, planes, boats, ships and trains were not involved in an accident. Today most parts of the earth did not suffer a devastating earthquake, fire, landslide or flood. Today 99% of students did not commit a violent felony at school. Today 99% of the earth's population did not commit a violent felony. Since I am so burdened by dark thoughts I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that "bad" makes the news because it is relatively rare in relation to good. That is only thing that sometimes gets me through the day. Of course I suffer from clinical depression which has sort of hard-wired me to look at everything and think "could be better but isn't better." To try to counter this, I have little signs posted all over that read: "Could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness." Sure hope you find something that helps you. Often what helps one person doesn't help another or might even make them feel worse. I know this from sad personal experience. My heart goes out to you!

I am so sorry that is happening to you. That's awful! The medications you mentioned are not one's I have ever been on but I have definitely experienced unwelcome and sometimes scary things when switching meds. The only time I have had brain zaps is when I was on an older tricyclic antidepressant. But they were not fun and left me feeling distressed. Tiredness among among things were heavy burdens that weighed upon me. I hope things get better for you. Wish I knew what to say to ease your pain and grief!

I feel the same way. I think it is part of the curse of depression. Wish I knew what to say that would help.

I wish I knew how to help but I lack knowledge and experience with those medications. CBT was helpful to me but I don't know if it would be helpful to you or others. I hope you find medications that really help you!

I'm so sorry that is happening to you. The whole situation sounds very stressful and distressing. Wish I knew what to say to help.

Your life has been really rough. You deserve a break!