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Everything posted by Marie241

  1. A bit rubbish- really need to motivate myself to get up and eat something.
  2. First I have not been to DF for a long time. If this should be in different place could a moderator move it for me please. waiting for PCR test result and it is making me low. Pretty sure I don’t have it but think they may have lost the test. just need to know that there is someone out there that understands. Thanks
  3. I so hope so. I have just started a thread about this. When I was here before there were posters who were working. It was always hard though.
  4. My depression has been on an even keel. I’m so scared it’s going to go down hill. Does anyone have tips for keeping good/better MH while moving house and new job. Currently I volunteer in my home town. I applied for a paid job at place I volunteer but not through after interview. I’ve found a new paid job, but it means moving house and area. I’ve done this twice before both timed ending with bad depression. I’m so disappointed- I thought applying here would mean the only change would be the job, but it was not to be. Help
  5. Guilty that I have a relative who has cancer. They have children, a good job and lots to live for. I feel like a failure- no job or independence, depression and suicidal ideation (though passive) and a host of other medical issues. I wish I had the cancer. I feel alone with the thoughts as obviously not appropriate to discuss with others irl - turning this into something about me not the relative and their close family.
  6. I hate that every time my mind isn't occupied it reverts to bad thoughts. I can't keep it going constantly.
  7. Thank you This is just the beginning so only first lot of chemo. It is an aggressive cancer but probably found quite early. It feels ridiculous to think that I am suffering in any way. I did read something on survivor guilt in the past like after a disaster. I'll look it up about illness. I had some surgery and physically it was successful but I got depression. When I've heard of disasters chickening people or people dying after unsuccessful surgery and the statements about what a wonderful person they were with so much to live for I have sometimes wished I died instead. That was when my depression was pretty bad though, so I was also saying why couldn't I have died in surgery rather than having to deal with being suicidal.
  8. Feels very cold (for here), supposed to snow tonight
  9. Sorry this is long Someone close has been diagnosed with cancer. This has stirred up my depression/autism with intrusive thoughts about death and how useless I am. There are other people who will provide practical and emotional support to the person. I have no useful role at all. My first thought was that God/the universe should have made me get it. I'm used to illness. He has a job, I volunteer. We both have parents but he also had brothers and sisters. Most importantly he has children. I'm very upset but can't talk to people around me because the relative needs the support and I definitely won't be a distraction. I'm not suicidal, but wish I was dead. Then I feel guilty for making it all about me. I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings or if they are normal.
  10. I've been away for a long time. I am better. I drifted away. That was partly not wanting to discuss depression. I also felt it was difficult to empathise with others. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about depression, more that I didn't quite know how now I'm not as affected. I sometimes feel guilty about not coming here as often, not tonight I've come after an experience on s different website.
  11. There are so many approaches to therapy and the best one for you will depend on how your mind works, whether there is a particular reason for your depression, how many sessions are being offered/you can afford. My suggestion is to talk to the therapist about what you want to achieve and see what approach they suggest and ask why they suggest that one. For example CBT can be very helpful if you have skewed thought patterns. However if you need to discuss a trauma from the past and tease out what happened you'd probably need something else.
  12. I have some similar feelings that depression and various other illnesses have affected my relationships and career. I try to remember that "success" can also be muddling through.
  13. Tired but something is keeping me awake, not sure what. Also in pain and bruised because I fell over. Ouuucchh!
  14. That I should really be trying to go to sleep rather than on websites. (2:25 AM)
  15. Thank you all. Sorry I can't answer you all fully.
  16. Tonight on my watch dragons den
  17. I'm feeling low today. Part is I'm getting stressed. I'm going on a holiday which will involve being with people quite a lot of the time. This means currently organising things, all of this is getting me stressed and worried mainly because I already find this difficult with my autism. The thing I'd like help with is that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I've got myself thinking how different my life could've been if I didn't have the various illnesses which I have suffered over the years. I have been trying to put things in perspective myself, telling myself that I might of had other illnesses, or just as likelylived in a country which is very poor, has no health service, a place suffering war or terrorist attacks. However my brain keeps reverting to the idea that I could have just had an average life being reasonably well off in an average country, had a least some friends, the odd illness but been busy able to work, support myself and hopefully contribute to society. In reality my parents support me completely, I have pretty much no friends, fail when I do paid work. I do contribute by volunteering. Plesse help me get some perspective as I'm just succeeding in feeling worse and lower the more I try to loon at the bright side/count blessings - it all feels hollow.
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