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Thanos

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About Thanos

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  1. I have to update this because I just found another reason why this whole life thing needs to end. So a friend back in Colorado has some friends that are doing a show that they think is funny. I think it's crap. I say so. In the middle of it all another friend (one that I went to college with and that I worked with repeatedly after college) issues me a challenge. He will put me up for the night, pay for my ticket, and get me a drink. If I fail to chuckle or laugh at any point, he also pays for my ticket home. Eager to prove my point and to see some old friends I accept. Yesterday I bought the plane tickets, costing over $300 that I barely have. After saying that I got my tickets and telling him so, he backs out, saying he fears for his safety. Again, he has known me for a long time. Over half a decade. I feel so betrayed. If this is how I get treated by people then I want no part of life. I want out.
  2. I've tried the younger, lower socioeconomic "lesser" thing before. It turned out the same way it always does: she's already taken by someone else. Either that or they string me along because they feel sorry for me and my panic attacks and/or Asperger's and they play like I have a chance. They never come out and say that they aren't interested or that they are taken. They let me make plans for a date and then they constantly postpone or they just don't show up. That, and everyone else that I know that fits that description is like 10+ years younger than me and there is a part of me that feels a bit creepy if I try and hit on someone who is just barely young enough to drink. The dating coach thing is an interesting idea; just hope there is one nearby, though I doubt it.
  3. Because I don't have the money. Right now I have $1300 to my name. I also have never worked a job for more than a year, and that job was as a damn cashier at a grocery store. It's like I need the support of a woman to feel better about myself and my future but I can't find a girlfriend unless I get a stable job. Catch-22. I still want to **** myself cause even without a partner I don't have anyone that I can consider close enough to provide those feelings.
  4. How so? I think it shows that I'm more focused on personality...or at least on that rare person who is willing to have anything at all to do with me. And I agree with Gtx1990. I don't see the point in trying anymore cause nobody is ever interested. Living in a town of like 60K where 75% are college age students doesn't help anything. And whenever I find the courage to speak up it turns out that she's already involved with someone else. I really want to **** myself to save myself from all this pain.
  5. I have tried aspie dating sites. All of them have me going out 100 miles for just one match. As for the "normal" way, I just might not come across as sweet and caring as your friend did. I'm more apt to not know what the hell I did wrong and either get combative or just slink away in defeat. I used to do a LOT of the former but in recent years I've flipped and most often done the latter.
  6. No point in quitting except being able to avoid constant heartbreak. I have not found one woman ever who enjoys my company. And I can only ask so many, and get only so many rejections, before I need to face facts and know that there is no hope for me finding anyone willing to enter into a relationship with such damaged goods. I see similar issues with my father. Many in my family suspect (though it hasn't been conclusively diagnosed as it has in me) that he also has Asperger's, but he has a lot of money so women flock to him, enough that he is now on his 3rd marriage. I don't have anywhere near the money he does so I get nowhere. I also don't even know where to begin looking. I feel I've exhausted all avenues available. I tried online dating, I tried Meetups that feature similar interests, I tried work...nothing has panned out. I'm running out of ideas for "strategies".
  7. I still remain convinced it is. I don't really think looks are at the top of my requirements list. Still I have trouble finding anybody. I don't know if it's my social anxiety or my inability to trust anyone enough to even ask her out but I just cannot find anyone. I have put in effort for the last 3 years and constantly came up empty. So why not give up and end everything? Nothing is gonna get any better.
  8. My issue is that I am completely afraid of social engagement. Growing up I was bullied pretty much constantly for a full decade. From 5th grade until my junior year of high school was constant torture. So I think I developed an inability to trust anyone enough to even talk to them. And being an aspie doesn't help anything either. So if I do have a woman show interest I won't even know it. And like I said this has caused many women to flat out state that they hate me. The one single time I took a chance and asked someone out (after being invited to her apartment on a number of occasions) she told me off so bluntly that I did attempt to **** myself. I was found in the bathtub with running water and an Exacto knife. I know that I should try more but I have lost the ability to trust ANYONE. So maybe I should just quit and off myself. I've talked myself out of ever being with someone.
  9. I know it. I'm gonna end up dying alone. I just cannot find anyone that wants to be involved with me. It's always the same story. Either the ones I like end up hating me, or I think she's gonna hate me and wait way too long to ask her out, at which point she's already found someone. I keep telling myself that dying alone is okay but it never works. I have never had any woman tell me those three words that everyone else hears. I swear, if I don't find someone soon I'm gonna just completely give up. Smother myself or OD or something cause it hurts so damn much.
  10. Title says it all. I am invisible to the world. I can be at work and hours will go by where nobody even glances in my direction. I can post and text people asking to do something or even to see how someone's doing and get totally ignored. All the people I get matched with on dating sites and apps turn out to be fakes. The last time I was at a family gathering nobody was even slightly interested in talking to me. I feel completely alone and completely invisible. I do have Asperger's and think that the fact that I have a very limited range of interests (albeit a DEEP interest in those areas) makes it even harder. Like I love comics and can easily talk for hours about storylines and characters but who the hell is gonna want to do that on even a regular basis?
  11. It is literally impossible for me to attend these support groups because of work. I work as an optician, and these support groups meet on Thursdays. Thursdays are one of four "doctor days" and there is one co-worker who insists on having Thursdays off no matter what. She will never budge, and with it being a doctor day we need at least 3 people there. Asking her to switch is already a lost cause because in the recent past another co-worker had asked her to swap work days and was flat out denied. So as long as a****** co-worker is still employed I'm screwed. I'm being forced to choose between my job and the social support group.
  12. Oh and I should add that it is extremely difficult to enter into social situations for a number of reasons. One is my work schedule. I always get off between 8 and 9pm after working a 9 hour day. Two is that being a college city there is very little in the way of activities that don't involve a bar of some sort. And three is the fact that I do have real bad social anxiety. It's so bad that I will often tell myself that this is the day I go it alone, only to take the coward's way out and turn around halfway there
  13. Believe me I've been trying to be myself but so far it isn't working. Like I know that I am the person to crack jokes and act all silly just to mask the incredible amount of pain I have inside. Kind of like Robin Williams but with far less talent. That plus the nervous ticks and runaway train of thought that goes with Asperger's makes even getting someone to go on a first date almost impossible. Doubly so for subsequent dates. All of this information leads me to believe that the problem lies with me.
  14. As an addendum, what sucks even more is that I have only one friend in the whole city that I can call up and vent to when like this goes down. So what the hell am I supposed to do when he's exhausted or sick or something? I really need something like a dating coach. Someone to teach me how to not come across as a total twat. And another thing is that every time this happens I just want to go and drink until I forget everything. Forget how ****ed up my life is and how nobody wants to even touch me. Seriously it's been at least 2 years. Close to just finding a ****ing hooker so I can feel someone's touch.
  15. I've been using online dating sites almost exclusively, since I have extreme social anxiety. If there's some woman that I find myself liking I never go up and talk to her right off the bat. It always takes me at least a couple of months of being in her near proximity before I feel comfortable even saying hi. It's been that way all my life, since all through my school years (and a lot of college) I was bullied by just about everyone. So it's kind of a learned response to not trust anyone at first. Online dating alleviates that somewhat, since I can talk to someone from the safety of my own home. However it does allow for more people to fake being interested in me and just blow me off whenever I feel comfortable enough to suggest a date. It feels a bit like a catch-22. I talk online and after a while finally feel comfortable enough to ask for a date, but then I always get blown off with either lame excuses or they just stop talking to me altogether, which sends me back to square one. Maybe I should just give up entirely. Join MGTOW or something. Cause I just cannot stand these mind games, especially with the mental issues I'm already trying to cope with. PS: I tried that Asperger's site you mentioned and it sucks. There is just one person on there within 100 miles of me. This is hopeless.