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tomcatt

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About tomcatt

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    tomcatt103
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    retusn1999

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  • Location
    Ridgcrest, CA
  • Interests
    Golf, Reading, News Junkie, MLB, NFL, NASCAR, Tinkering, Handyman, Dog, Cat
  1. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  3. Libra, Glad the Effexor is working for you. Is it regular Effexor or Effexor XR? If it's XR I can't understand why your Dr is having you take them at different times, since the XR is for Xtended Release. Precisely so you can take it in the morning and the effects last throughout the day. I was on 300mg for a year, and 375mg for another 6 months and always took the meds when I got up. My doc also put me on Remeron somewhere during that time to help me sleep at night.
  4. My friends have asked, well, what's making you depresse? "F*****g being depressed is making me depressed!"
  5. THANK YOU all for your words of encouragement. I really need it. And all of you are right. I'm not going to stay upset with him for very long. We've been through a lot together. And yes, he does care, in his own heavy handed, clumsy way. Cat, you raise a good point. Yes, I was the leader. I raised him from a new recruit. So, yeah, it's probably strange for him to see me breaking down and crying, and be indecisive and not able to concentrate, etc. But, you'd think that would just reinforce for him how desperate this situation is for me. And it's sorta true about the tough navy guy thing. You sorta have to have a bone sticking out of you or something like that for anyone to notice there might be something wrong...lol...And you know, he was there when I went to treatment for alcoholism and got sober. I mean, you'd think he'd realize that if I could do that, that if I was just "down" I'd be able to pull myself out of it. Oh well. He'll get over it and so will I. Art.chick, I am too disappointed he betrayed my trust to my estranged wife. He knows how our relationship was. And yes, it's touchy about the "other woman" thing since we have been separated for so long. However, even if we were divorced she'd still be bent out of shape if I was dating. She's convinced I only wanted a divorce so I could find someone else. I have stayed married this long simply so she would have good medical coverage. But, at least most of the time she and I are friendly and she has been someone I've been able to call when I'm doing really bad and just need to talk to someone - now that's going to be damage for awhile because of his running of the mouth. So, I'll have to get past that too. Stressors, transitions...ummm, yeah...no kidding. That is probably what triggered my initial meltdown. Retired from the Navy, selling real estate, separating from my wife-and she was just being mean sometimes, guardian for my stroke disable Mom...the Navy was stressful a lot of time, but it was "good" stress. One of my therapists suggested once that part of my problem is that after I retired from the Navy I had lost my sense of higher moral purpose. I don't think I dwell on those things as a general rule. Yeah, they all contributed to my meltdown. But, I don't hold it against anyone. I'm not angry about it. I AM angry at my buddy for what he has done, but I'll get over that too. But, since then, I know I'm extremely fragile. My tolerance for stress and conflict and tension is severely diminished. And I know when I'm confonted with the stark fact that so many people I've met and had dealings with since I retired don't hold themselves to the same ideas and creed that I'm used to, it really impacts me. Wow, I just read what I wrote. I don't know if it even makes sense to me. How disjointed. But, I can't edit it and straighten it out and it has felt good getting it out. Anyway, I do know that eventually me and my pdoc will get my meds squared away and I'll be back to my old self. Thank you all. Maybe tomorrow is the day I'll turn the corner.
  6. During 4 1/2 years, the best I've done was on EffexorXR for a 13 month period. That's my benchmark. How is that in comparison to others' experience? Short, long, about right? Except for that period, my other of doing good have been very short, at the most 10-12 weeks, and bouncing up and down every few weeks.
  7. I'm not all that worried about. I trust my pdoc and I'm always at the top of or over the maximum usual dose of a/d's. If it works, I'll take it if she Rx's it.
  8. There wasn't a choice for almost all of them. At first, mine was just tired, had to take a nap every afternoon. My doctor said stress and gave me a mild a/d and it was great. Then about 10 months later -bam! One day it just all came crashing down. I refer to that day as the day I melted down. That's what it felt like.
  9. I hate the fact that terrorist attacks like the one in London ever happen. I can only say that it probably was not a spur of the moment thing. Attacks like that take some planning and coordination. It's been in the works for awhile. It might have been planned for the time of the G8 summit but doubt it was in response to London's selection as on Olympic site. These type of attacks are committed by cowards who cannot persuade through normal means - so they resort to ultraviolet acts. However, I think once again, the terrorists have picked on the wrong people. The Brits are tough and they won't stand back and take something like this idly. If you pull on the tiger's tail, you better have a plan for dealing with his teeth. Except this time, they pulled on the Lion's tail.
  10. art.chick, Thank you for your timely response. I see you post a lot here and you are always helpful and supportive. I'ms sure that without you and others like you on here a lot of us would be flailing. I really can't believe my best buddy. Twenty years! We were in the Navy together. He knows me like no one else. We've been through everything together. And he's the one who says he just can't buy that it's my brain. I hate to be upset with him. In November he flew from Minnesota to here in California and drove me back to Minnesota so I'd be around him and his family so I'd at least have someone. After I'd been there a couple of weeks I was doing better, but it still only lasted about 10 weeks, and then back in the depression. He saw it happen. And my behavior was no different in either case that would have caused it to happen. I'm a very reserved person, and have never had a huge circle of friends. Yeah, I had lots of buds in the Navy...but those were fellow warriors. I'm very selective about who I am friends with. And who I open up to. I would think that the few that I have would know me well enough to know that it's not just something I'm imagining or bringing on to myself. They all know me as a go getter, oriented, goal setter and achiever - at least until I started suffering from this depression. This all started Sunday when my Uncle showed up on my doorstep. He hadn't heard from me in several weeks (I don't have a phone right now). So, he called my buddy in MN to see if he had heard from me. So, my Uncle drops everything and drives 6 hours to come down here to check on me and see if he could help me in any way. He shows up unannounced and of course my house is a mess, I've got two bags of trash sitting in the kitchen cuz I don't feel like taking it outside - I mean, I'm just a mess. So, guilt that my Uncle had to come down here to check on me. And total embarassment that he saw me living like this. I mean, I know he cares. So he stays for a couple of days. After he leaves I go to a friends house and call my buddy to find out just what he thinks he's doing and does he know what he caused my Uncle to do. He says "yeah, I know". That's when he tells me he told my Uncle my only problem is that I'm not taking care of myself. Not eating right, drinking too many sodas, smoking too much, etc. AND, come to find out my wife (separated 4 years, she lives in NC) called my buddy to see if he's heard from me and if I'm okay. He tells her I was seeing a gal up there! He knows I don't tell her that kind of stuff. I asked him what he was thinking? And he gets defensive. I tell him what I want to tell her I will tell her and he had no business telling her that stuff. So, a week ago I thought the Cymbalta I'm taking now might be starting to get me right. Now it's been like I'm in the middle of a storm and the little bit of wind I had in my sails is gone. And yes, I know, I should not get in the habit of shutting my self in. But I hate going out. I only have a couple of friends in my town here. And despite everything, they are always kind to me. I just hate going and being wet rag. Okay...I don't know if that made me feel any better, but now I feel like a whiney butt...wah!
  11. Nothing, I mean no a/d has worked as fast, as good or as long as when I was on Effexor XR... I had been up and down for 2 1/2 years, all different kinds of a/d's...I'd be okay for a few weeks, then back down. Then I went to a psychdoc and she put me on Effexor, and no kidding, within 5 days it was like I had never been depressed. I mean, I was my old, predepression days. That lasted for about 13 months - then BAM! Like walking off the edge of a cliff.
  12. I've been on Cymbalta 60mg for 4 weeks now. I've had no side effects (rarely do for any meds). I came off Effexor @375mg... I don't know if the Cymbalta is working yet. I thought at the end of last week I was maybe turning a corner, but some things happened that sorta took the wind out of my sails. And it wasn't a lot of wind, so it was easy. Since then (Sunday) I've been weepy and morose again. I've got 4 weeks before I see my Psychiatrist again, so, I'll see how it's going then.
  13. I guess I'm doing okay. At least I sleep really well. And I don't have to take naps and sleep too much. My psychdoc just upped me to 90mgs...I've been getting stepped up over the past months from 45 to 60, to 75 five weeks ago, and then just Wednesday to 90mg. Is this a common dose? I say my physician today for a followup on my cholesterol and when we went over my current meds and doses she seemed sorta surprised. I know this, a couple of times when I didn't take it for a couple of days, I was a mess...
  14. I'm wondering why this thread died out. It was this subject, more or less, that caused me to come looking the other night for a board about depression to talk about relationships with friends. I guess simply put, everyone I know that I'm close to is just really annoying me lately. Everyone has a suggestion on what my problem is that is causing me to be in my current depressed trough: just get out and do something; you're not depressed, you just aren't taking care of yourself; maybe you are bipolar (I've been under the care of my physician for 5 years, a psychiatrist for over 2 years and have in the past been in counseling with a psychologist with a PhD); you have unresolved issues that you have to talk about, that's all that's wrong; change your psychiatrist, if she can't figure out what meds you need then maybe you need someone else; blah, blah, blah.... It's like none of them can grasp what this is...I've sent them information on the internet about depression and told them what the problem is. My best buddy, who I've known for 20 years, can't even accept the fact that it's brain chemistry. It's already hard enough being around anyone when I'm like this. I don't want to be a wet rag on their good times. With this kind of reception and advice, I'm getting to the point that I don't even want to talk to them. I know others must go thru this - I don't want to lose the friends I have. I know they are all well intentioned, but....
  15. Mandy, I was on EffexorXR @375mg/day for 14 months. Of all the AD's I taken that was the BEST! But, alas, it lost it's effectiveness. So, for the past 11 months it's been the trial and error thing. I just started Cymbalta about 4 weeks ago, so I've still got a few weeks to go to see if it works. Along with some other stuff I"m on for depression. I'm having trouble with friends right now myself. Just a lack of understanding on their part of what is going on.... Hope things pick up for you.
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