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About NeverCryWolf

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  1. I keep having these feelings that I shouldn't be depressed. I have my own home, a wonderful husband, a job , a car that works. I've been battling depression for half my life but there are people way worse off than me which is causing me to have constant guilt. I know these thoughts are irrational and it's just the depression poisoning my mind but why do have to constantly struggle with these thoughts? They make me hate myself..
  2. I have been dealing with depression for over a decade and some days are just unbearable. I'e been wanting to find a creative outlet but feel like I'm just not creative at all and that makes me feel even worse. I feel like finding a hobby would help to distract and cope but I haven't been able to stick with anything (right now I'm trying to get a motorcycle license). When all else fails I seclude myself and binge on tv..
  3. I can definitely relate to you. I am irritable on a daily basis. People make me angrier than they should and I always feel like people are judging me. It has made me isolate myself from friends and coworkers and I just want to be left alone most of the time. It's a miserable feeling.
  4. Truthfully because I need to take my dog out. Having a dog forces me to get out of the house. And go to work...need to make a living somehow even if I don't want to at the moment. I have to look at the bigger picture rather than my immediate dread of the day.
  5. I have been on the lowest dose of remeron and have noticed my whole body is itching and develops a red rash especially after showering. I have stopped taking it for about three days and still experiencing itching all over my body. Has anyone else had this problem when taking this drug?
  6. I recently started reading a self help depression book called A Mind of Your Own and somethings I've read so far I'm not sure how I feel about it. The author is an MD and doesn't believe in any pharmaceutical drugs at all and states they don't work. She also says depression isn't a disease (not sure what she means by this). Anyway, I am taking Welbutrin and not sure if it's working for me anymore so I'm thinking about doing the program in this book. It is making dietary changes as well as exercising and weaning off meds. However, the thought of giving up sweets, bread, coffee and dairy seems near impossible to me. Has anyone tried this and is it worth trying? Almost makes me feel worse and overwhelmed reading the book but I'm wondering if I suck it up and try it if it'll help me.
  7. Some days it takes all my strength to leave the house. Partly because driving gives me anxiety and just the thought of interacting with anyone exhausts me..
  8. What kind of software? What sort of music are you trying to make with it? I'm always looking for stories/advice from people who have some experience with this stuff. I didn't know this was a real thing. Do people (men? women? both?) ever get hurt? Pardon my ignorance on the topic.Lol yes it's a real thing and harder than it looks! It is a female dominated sport but mens derby is starting to become more popular. People do get hurt; I have fractured my elbow and get bruised up pretty bad, but it's worth it to me: )
  9. Hi Solarwinds...just wanted to let you know I can relate and you aren't alone. I hate when people say things like that to me, too. Some of the comments I've heard: "Count your blessings because others have it worse" (my husband says this) "Stop having a pity party" (my b*tch of an ex-therapist) "You have nothing to be depressed about" (a doctor) "Either do something about your life or just k*** yourself" (my cousin and an ex-boyfriend) "Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you'll cry alone" "You have people in your life" "You aren't depressed, you're just seeking attention" "No one cares about you or your problems" "The world would be a better place without you in it" "Get over yourself" "Maybe you need to volunteer so you can get some real perspective and be grateful for what matters" (as if my feelings/experiences don't matter) "No one would miss you if you died" "No one wants to be around you because you bring everyone down" There's a lot more where that came from, too. This is the only place I can come to where I feel like people understand me. I think you'll find that this is a pretty wonderful bunch of folks here on DF and no one will judge you or shame you for feeling the way you do. I know that I'm thankful to have people here who have been through similar stuff and we can all share and support one another as much as possible. I agree with you. Sure, things could be worse. I could be blind or missing limbs or be living with AIDS or cancer. I'm not denying that at all. But I completely understand how you feel, because none of those things has anything to do with MY reality...and I hate when people try to make me feel selfish or guilty if I open up to them. I know other people have problems far worse than mine, but it makes me angry when my issues are dismissed. I totally hear what you're saying. Depression is a serious illness, especially if it goes untreated for a while, or even if a person is on medication that worsens the symptoms. It isn't something to be played with or taken lightly. Most people take an illness like cancer very seriously. They don't make jokes about it (unless they are very cruel) and there is all this support for survivors of cancer. We have Breast Cancer Awareness and AIDS Awareness. We have March of Dimes for infants with spina bifida and other disorders. But when it comes to depression, we often walk a lonely road and sometimes we can't even count on our therapists to care about us. Sometimes our friends will turn their backs on us. Sometimes our families will offer ridicule and shame instead of support. Depression is no less worthy of attention and help than cancer or any terminal disease that causes suffering. Some people have to suffer in silence with depression because they have nowhere to turn. So thanks, Solarwinds, for saying what needs to be said. As long as depression continues to be stigmatized and unhelpful comments are made, I don't see things changing much. Those are some awful things people have said to you!! I hope you don't believe them. I hate people sometimes. The comment that annoys me the most is comparing my life with starving children in Africa/India or something like that. Great, thanks for the guilt trip! The last thing I need is to feel guilty about being depressed.
  10. I try and be active because it distracts me from the depression sometimes. I have been plying roller derby for a couple years and I find it as a good outlet. Sometimes I feel pressured to party and such but that doesn't really interest me most of the time, I just enjoy the sport. I also like to take my dog out for walks. My dog has helped me a lot with my depression.
  11. I actually like showering..I used to not do it as much, but it is kind of relaxing with the warm water. I hate brushing my teeth and have to force myself to do it. I barely wear any makeup..it just seems like too much of a hassle for me. Plus, I have bad acne and the makeup doesn't really hide it anyway. What I am really having problems with is that I am a slob. My room and car are a mess and I can't stand it. It is so overwhelming I don't even want to deal with it. If I happen to clean up, it doesn't stay that way for long. I am also very unorganized. I don't know if this has much to do with hygiene but I am not a tidy person at all.
  12. I have a couple very close friends and a bf and they completely accept me for who I am. I am very thankful I have them, if I didn't I don't know what I would do. However, this does not stop me from feeling guilty that I am so negative all the time. The times when I most need to be confident is when I am trying to find a job and go through the interview process. This is so nerve-wracking for me though. I wish I could at least fake it.
  13. I have applied to so many jobs, I have lost track:(
  14. I know I am responding to this really late (haven't been on the forums for awhile) but that is really good advise and makes sense. How did you make yourself be confident though? I just want people to see that I am sure of myself.
  15. I can really relate to you a lot. I am actually seeing a counselor at the Dept. of Rehabilitaion because my depression is affecting my ability to find a job. The job I have now I can barely function at. Whenever I'm there I just want to have a mental breakdown, and they are not super understanding when it comes to my depression. One of my supervisors actually said she can't have a conversation with me because "I cry too much." I am only getting around 9 hours a weeks so I also understand your stress with money. Sometimes I think about suicide and wish it would all go away. I don't know if I would ever go through with it but I think that's almost worse. If it affects your work I really think you should look into it. I'm not sure where you would find info, maybe type on google. Maybe it will give you some time to work on your depression. I know this wasn't very good advise, but at least you know you arn't alone!
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