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rhyl

Gold Member
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About rhyl

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    Gold Member
  • Birthday April 2

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    rhyl_hladal@yahoo.com

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    Female
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    In your mind's eye

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  1. i was shunned by someone else now!

    LOL. I comment on Ram Dass because... You said, specifically: ..."both had no drive or motivation for anything better and both seem to follow a simliar spiritual path (ram dass) that does not seem to include forgiving people...as that is what they have proven by shunning countless people out of their lives." then you said: "Actually i dont know a whole lot about Ram Dass. Does he not believe in forgiveness??" You know what? Never mind. LOL
  2. I'm so sorry you are suffering. You are in a very difficult situation; I'm really glad you came here to talk. It's important that you take care of yourself. You said you are a university student - most if not all universities have a health department that also offers mental health and social services to its students. Have you talked to anyone there? It might be a place where you can get help - free of charge - for yourself and some advice for help for your father. If he is in immediate danger of hurting himself, the only thing you can do is contact the local emergency services. And you should, rather than trying to save him yourself. That's just too much of a burden on you. That may seem selfish, but you have been holding your family up on your own for too long and you will end up paying for it yourself in the end if you don't get some help. I hope you will continue to write here and talk to us and keep us in the loop. rhyl
  3. i was shunned by someone else now!

    I hear what you're saying, but I don't think we can go into relationships with the idea that our behavior should be excused by forgiveness, which is what it sounded like you were doing. Also, it might help if you did some reading on Ram Dass, forgiveness, and judgment. You might learn some things. We weren't there and can't say anything really about the interaction between the two of you. Certainly, one would always hope that if a mistake is made, the offended party would give us a second chance. But that doesn't always happen. So the best thing to do is to let it go. The reason I said what I did was because this is the second time I saw you talk about being "shunned" and blaming it on the other person and it seemed like maybe some of your behavior may have created at least part of the problem in both cases. It helps me when people point stuff like this out to me, although I don't really like to hear it. I take it in and think about it and try to figure out if it fits or not. Usually there is an element of truth to it. (This happens to me a lot. LOL)
  4. i was shunned by someone else now!

    I'm confused. You specifically said, "...but this time i am completely bewildered. I simply asked for his opinion on a pic of myself and when he said it was not one of my best I got a little upset and said that if he rejects my pic then he rejects me." You asked for his opinion. One of the things I've learned is that if a pattern starts to develop in my relationships, there is likely something I am doing to contribute to whatever problem exists. If I ask for someone's opinion and they give me an honest one, I can't get upset if I don't like it and expect them to be ok with that. I really can't expect them to hang around if I tell them how I expect them to behave.
  5. I'll never have a real job/career

    One of the things that took me a very, very long time to understand is that "normal" means we have to fit in a box that most of us will never fit in. Sounds like you have some immediate issues you need to address. Maybe you can find therapy or counseling in your area that is based on income. Or, if you belong to a church or synagogue, maybe you can seek help from the minister, priest, or rabbi. In my area, there are also organizations that help with job hunting, without charge, to people with mental illness and other disabilities. It's something to look into, anyway. Have you thought about customer service? Or working from home? I have a Master's and don't work in my field. I'm stuck in a job that really is not what I want to do, not what I think I should be doing, but it pays the bills (and my loan). I can sometimes work at home, also. I'm hoping some day I can do that full time.
  6. Psychiatry/Psychology : A Sham

    Instead of trying to change them maybe you could just try not attaching yourself to them. Or "grabbing hold of" them. Part of the issue with depression (I know this because I do it all the time) is that we take a thought (which quite often is not an uplifting, positive one) and ruminate over it or build it up. That just creates more depression.
  7. I Feel Like a Lost Cause...

    Hi there and welcome to DF! Sorry, I just saw this. Sometimes, more people will see new peoples' post if you post in the new members forum or, in this case, maybe in the suicidal one. If you are still around, you could copy and paste your post into a new one in one of those so more people would reply! :-) I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. It's tough to be so young and to have your parents be so unsupportive. I'm glad you have a counselor you can talk to. Are you able to be honest with him/her? Able to talk to him/her about the stuff that's really bothering you? That's so important, you know. So, I think about suicide, too, sometimes. I have to keep in mind the thing or things that are most important to me (for me, it's my mom and my cats) and remember that they really would miss me if I were gone. I also tell myself over and over again, "This is temporary" when anything bad happens or when I start thinking about suicide. You know - absolutely everything is temporary and if you just wait, the bad feelings or thoughts will pass into something new. Take care of yourself and hope to see you here again soon! rhyl
  8. Psychiatry/Psychology : A Sham

    I am in agreement. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars (maybe hundreds of) and thousands of hours of my time and in many ways, the treatment I received has done more damage than it has helped.
  9. Very similar thing happened to me with a guy friend. We were actually mostly online but met occasionally. At some point you have to understand and accept that sometimes the little "blow ups" are actually not ok, that they really do grate on other people and after awhile, they can completely result in the loss of a friend. It doesn't matter what a great person you are or what awesome other qualities you have. If you are creating a pattern by getting upset over miscommunications and if you are not reasoned and in control with your communication, then most people just aren't going to stick around. This is a problem I've had with a couple of close friends, so I pretty much don't get close anymore. I know it's hard for me to keep it together so I don't bother to even try. I am getting better, but even relationships at work are hard. When you struggle with depression (or anxiety or PTSD, like me), you have these extra challenges that you have to work harder at in order to "make it" in social circles. This really isn't on him. It took me a long time to understand that. He's just taking care of himself. The responsibility for NOT going off on our friends is ours and ours alone. He's not saying you're "a piece of crap." You are the one who characterized yourself that way. Like I said. He's just doing a little self-care. So...what are you doing for you? How are you working on this so that you can have good, sustainable relationships in the future? And more immediately...what good thing did you do for yourself today?
  10. There is so much wrong with this I wouldn't know where to begin.
  11. In Urgent Need Of Advice

    Not sure if he's actually suffering from anhedonia or not, but if your boyfriend is unwilling to see a psychologist or psychiatrist for help, there is not much you can do. It sounds like he has been dealing with a number of issues that really need a professional's guidance. That said, I hope you'll not forget to take care of yourself during this time.
  12. What World is This?

    I just read your post 'cause I haven't been around here much. I can't imagine losing someone that close who meant that much like you did. I'm sorry, for that and for your lifelong struggle. I can relate in a very intimate way - even though it is also different - to that sense of "always wanting never to be--->momentarily gaining purpose and light--->losing forever my soul." This part particular resonated with me: I've been like this my whole life as well but in crisis the last 3 1/2 to 4 years and I am just now beginning to rise up out of that ever-so-slightly. I think the addition of an antidepressant made the difference for me, but I've been on this one and many others before, so I don't know if it will last or not. But I guess I've been doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure out if it really matters. I mean, this is the deck we were dealt, right? And even though it might not seem like it, the downs are not continuous. They are interrupted by an occasional positive moment or two. It just takes practice and awareness to notice them. I guess what we have to decide for ourselves is whether the experience we've been given is worth living it while we look for more and more of those positive moments or not. Lots of things to take into consideration there, I think. Anyway, I see you haven't posted since this original post. Hope to see you again here on DF. rhyl
  13. Depression and Fatigue

    Sounds like you have a few things going on, but I want to focus on the CPAP and sleep for a minute since I know a lot about that. Have you had another sleep study since your weight loss? You said that your machine isn't helping - can you say a little more, like what are your nights like? Any change in weight, medication, the diagnosis of a new illness, etc...can affect your sleep and the pressure on your CPAP so it's really important to keep regular appointments with your sleep doctor/center. The depression can definitely be a separate issue, but not getting enough sleep - and esp. because you are experiencing episodes of apnea - can absolutely contribute to it. Since you said you are feeling suicidal *because* your life is so affected because you are tired all the time, it might be a good idea for you to go to the root cause - the lack of sleep - and start with fixing that. What do you think? Getting a good night's sleep can make a huge difference in our health overall. I hope you can start to get one really soon!
  14. Welcome to DF. Is your lack of resources due to money or the lack of available mental health care in your area? I ask because frequently therapists and counselors will provide care on a sliding scale basis (and some, esp. through religious organizations, free of charge). There are a number of workbooks available on different therapies that you can do on your own - CBT, DBT, ACT, and Mindfulness are the few I can think of right now. If you can't afford the books, maybe you can find them in a library and just copy the relevant pages to work on or work on them in the library on separate paper. Stay in touch here if you can - folks at DF are a pretty supportive bunch.
  15. Tianeptine (Stablon) in U.S.

    Haven't heard of it. I pretty much gave up on meds. I've read a lot of research (none of it AMA or Big Pharma sponsored I can assure you) that says a-d cause long-term harm and, well...you've likely read all the other fun stuff about them. I've come to believe that you must believe they will work in order for them to and I don't. Therefore... Are you going through Tor to make your purchase? Just curious. Seems like that would be safer (for you).