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About rhyl

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  • Birthday April 2

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    In your mind's eye

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  1. Can this really be all there is?

    I'm so sorry you are struggling with all these symptoms which seem to come out of nowhere and for which no one can find a reason. I have a long history of mysterious illnesses that most of my doctors chalked up to depression and PTSD, but I'm discovering - all on my own - that there is a physical reason for all of them. I believe there is a strong body-mind connection. When the body is in pain, it affects how we feel immensely. And if you're not getting support from your doctors, that makes it all the worse. If you're coughing up green phlegm, you likely have some kind of an infection. That's not normal in any sense of the word. What sorts of testing has your doctor done?
  2. Can this really be all there is?

    I feel like this a lot. But in truth, things are changing constantly. It's being able to recognize the changes that has helped me see that, although I feel like most of the time, it's not a constant. There are small spaces of time when I don't feel bad. I may feel neutral or not at all, but the has gone away for that time. I am also learning to redefine "normal." That is a very interesting process.
  3. What we're all here to learn

    I think it's dangerous to say that only positive emotions make life worth living. Many, many folks suffer from debilitating mental and physical illnesses that make having positive emotions very hard. If their (our) lives are not worth living, then why bother to continue the struggle? For me, the journey through life, with ALL of the emotions and feelings and thoughts that come with it, is what makes life worth living. Of course, we work to develop a more positive outlook. But if we ignore the lessons of life, we don't truly grow and that beauty and sense of goodness in the universe will never be available to us.
  4. Hi MaisyW00 and welcome to DF! I am so very sorry to hear about your brother and all the struggles you have had. As the others have said, grief is a complex process to begin with but it is even more difficult when there is not openness and honesty about the person that died. There have been two suicides in my family, but neither was talked about as a suicide. Family made other excuses for the deaths, like yours did. For me, it feels like I have to carry this extra burden, knowing and not being able to honor those family members in the way I know they deserve. Are you seeing a therapist? Wondering how long you have been on your meds...I am on effexor, too, and was on that same combination a few years ago. The effexor took nearly two months to do anything for me, although I did get some relief from the abilify. You have come to a good place to find people who understand. Hope to see you around here! rhyl
  5. Hi there, Have you ever considered keeping an online diary that is password protected? That way, it's private to you and you only. I'm really, really sorry you have had so many problems with friends. I am learning to go into situations with little to no expectations. It's much easier. But that takes a lot of practice. I think you are being awfully hard on yourself. Do you think you can try to chalk this up to an experience that maybe didn't work out like you planned and then start looking forward to the next one? 'Cause there will be a next one. Things are going to be ok! By the way, I had some trouble reading through your text because it was all in one big paragraph. It's sometimes hard for people to concentrate or focus long enough to get through a lot of text, so it might help to break it up a little into smaller paragraphs when you write - that way you'll probably get more replies! :-)
  6. Fear I was molested as a child...

    I think that if you have worries, you would benefit from seeing a therapist and discussing them. I have a lot of trauma in my past and sometimes have trouble knowing if what I'm remembering is true or not. We've kind of gotten to the point where my therapist tells me that it doesn't really matter; what matters is how the thoughts make me feel. Your sexual habits now may or may not have anything to do with what happened (or didn't happen) to you as a child. I was in a D/s relationship for 6 years and we played heavily; I knew a lot of people who had never been abused who were just wired to enjoy pain and humiliation (and a LOT of people have rape fantasies, whether they will admit it or not). Likewise, the baby/Daddy or daughter/Daddy scene is a very popular one, and you don't have to have been abused to enjoy it.
  7. I've been on Lamictal for a couple of months. My neuro gave it to me as a replacement for Topamax for my seizures after I discovered (or thought) that the Topamax was making my depression worse and lowering my energy. I feel a LOT better, but I'm not sure if it's the lack of Topamax or the Lamictal or a combination. I hope the Lamictal helps!
  8. Some folks are just wired differently. Some prefer monogamous relationships, some polyamorous. Some prefer to stay single. It doesn't necessarily mean you are not enough for him or he is unsatisfied. It's possible he is just wired to want to share love with more than one person. That said, if you don't share the same feelings, I think you would be doing yourself a disservice to engage in such a relationship, hoping to eventually adjust to it. If you truly love each other, you shouldn't have to do anything to "keep the love alive."
  9. I am so sorry. Unfortunately, I have seen similar situations on a number of occasions with friends and on one occasion with a counselor I saw. I am *very* careful now to check out any therapist I see before a session to find out what type of therapy s/he does, what kind of training s/he has had, and any reviews that may be available for the practice. I hope you have found or can find another therapist who you can trust. I've been through several, and I finally found someone I truly trust, even after believing I never could.
  10. Anyone know what's going on?

    That's a doctor who specializes in conditions of the nervous system (brain and spinal cord).
  11. Welcome to DF! I've dealt with a lot of workplace issues as well and I'm so sorry you have not found any support to help you through this. I'm glad you found us. Are you currently working? It sounds like you really could use some 1:1 support and probably therapy. Have you tried to find a counselor or therapist?
  12. Right and wrong are judgments. So is "unacceptable." In whose eyes? Maybe you can back off the problem temporarily and work on accepting without judgment first?
  13. Anyone know what's going on?

    Have you ever been evaluated by a neurologist?
  14. I'm not much one for forcing myself to do anything and I've been severely depressed, but I also don't believe in spending all day in bed. Or even a large chunk of it. Even on my very worst days (which have been very, very bad), I've usually been able to drag myself out of bed and remain upright. I think that's the very least I can do. I do think we can be compromised physiologically to the point where we are incapable of doing even the smallest of tasks. In those cases, I think we need to get help from *someone*. In other cases, I think it is important to strive to do whatever we can to help ourselves. 'Cause trust me, nobody's gonna do it for us.
  15. i was shunned by someone else now!

    Never mind. Guess I misunderstood.