Nataya

So this last week or so has been interesting for the first time since before I was 7 I think I've felt happy genuinely happy I feel so much lighter and have actually been excited for what's to come I have nobody around me who is trying to hurt me anymore.....I have people around me who believe in what I can do. I feel like I'm finally making choices with what I want to do......and for the first time I'm not doing thing people tell me to do I am doing them because I want.to do them. I will not be continuing with the next 6 months of group I feel I no longer need it I am comfortable where I am at and feel I don't need the extra support my individual therapist doesn't agree but she only meet me.the start of this year when everything started to change so she has known me no other way when I started group I said I was doing 6 months then re assess and I have and it's not for me so now I have to stick by it and.tell her I won't.be continuing she thinks I'm closing doors but I am opening new ones to a different future thank you I'm scared this won't last and it's just fake.but.I have to hold onto what I can and keep it with me!

Soo this week has been a good week for me I've felt positive about the future and what's to come!! I applied for university on Saturday and was accepted today!! It's Wednesday!! I want.to be a kindergarten teacher:) wow I never thought I'd see the day I would go to uni!!! I'm still fragile but in also excited I haven't feet that for my life every!! I'm scared it will come crashing down but I'll hold onto it for now!!!

I wish I had more words to say but I don't know the answer I just want you to know you have support here in us. Just try and be kind to yourself and.not.be to hard on yourself.

I understand were you are at feeling so defeated, but try and hang in, I'm sure your family are not sick of you maybe they just don't know ways to help you at the moment....I hope you find some relief soon and can hold on just that little bit longer

Thanks for you response..... I've been in therapy since I was 13 I've been under mental health for about 3 years now, I've tried different types of med's over the years. My family all live in different states to me the only one I really want contact with is my brother but he is shocking a keeping in touch, as for friends I have one, I can not rely on her all the time she has a daughter to raise and look after. And I don't want to repeat the same thing over and over. Maybe it is a self indulgent act, but maybe it's time I did something self indulgent for myself....I've tied other ways to improve my self but.nothing seems to stick....I'm tied of relying on others to help get me through I'm just so stuck!! Sorry

Seriously when will people understand that sometimes enough is just enough and there is just no more that you can take When will people understand taking your own life is not as horrible as everyone seems to think it is, what's horrible is making people suffer through this life just because you think they should. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore so many people have lasted so much longer in this life than but I just don't know how I'm ment to live for another 10year 20year if not longer even another year, they say it gets better but I've been hearing that since I was 13, there have been good times in with the bad but it never goes away I'm just tied and confused and alone and hurting

I am feeling defeated and don't know how much longer I can fight for I'm so tied, I know I have been here before and have come out feeling better but it just keeps coming back and back again....it's doesn't get easier as they say it's all a bunch of bulls*** and I no longer trust anyone.....I'm falling apart and fast.....I have no one left I'm so alone and don't know how to get through again

I saw him the other day he came over, and I was just so excited that he was coming over it only lasted 10mins but I was so happy to see him.....I can't tell those around me I miss him because they just won't.understand because of all the bad I went.through with him...... I don't wish to be in a relationship with anyone I'm working on getting myself where I want to be before I allow someone into my life..... Thanks for sticking around for me it means a lot....just wish I wasn't so lost with everything and confused....thank you beautiful lady your amazing

I have still been reading and wish I had the words to comfort other but I just feel anything I say will be worthless so I keep my mouth shut. I'm struggling quiet bad this week more than i have in awhile... I really miss my ex boyfriend and can't help but think about what a huge mistake I have made in breaking up with him, I was silly and started listing to those around me and let them get into my head. But I know I can not go back he has moved on with his life now and has a new girlfriend so I just need to let it go but I'm having a hard time with that....I'm sure I will come around its just recently it's been hard. I have been doing DBT for almost 6 months now and I find it so ridiculous, the stuff they are teaching me makes me think they think I am stupid it's really frustrating for me because I know most of what they are talking about and really some of it is just common sense, and some concepts are just rubbish all together. I'm still not sure if I'll do the next 6 months as it's a repeat of the first 6 months my individual therapist is trying to convince me to keep going but I'll see.... I have lost all faith in my case manager and peer support worker and psychiatrist I trust none of them anymore. They are all just doing a job and they only follow procedure when things get tough it's not because they care any it's to cover there ass so this week when I almost went through with taking my supplies I couldn't reach out or talk to anyone although that's all I've been told to do I just don't trust anyone anymore around that because they took my freedom last time..... I've tried so hard to stay strong with everything but I'm cracking again and that doesn't help the David and Kate situation any infant it makes them stronger and I don't want anymore med's so I just won't talk about it...... I just feel so alone I know I have my cats but that's not the same I feel so desperate Sorry

I read everyone's blog but comment little. I am always afraid my words aren't wanted or needed. Then I don't know what to say. But I just want you to know I think of you all yes some more than others but I care for each of you and always wish the best. Know I am reading in silence and on your side.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling ok.

That's what I have heard that it has a high success rate. It last for a whole year so I hope it works well with me. It's going to be hard work but I am willing to give it a shot. But this is my last time so if this doesn't work I will give up.

Today I meet my psychologists for the next year while I do an intensive small group of dbt. It has a weekly meeting plus an hr appointment with my psychologists on different days. The also encourage you to call anytime you need support.witch I will have to learn as I find that very hard..... So it looks like a lot of hard work ahead but I am praying it's for the best.

Now what am I ment to do......I wasn't ment to make it past April and into may..... I don't know where to go from here....... I have a discharge appointment with the psychiatrist next week, this is the lady who placed me under a 24hr form. I'm so scared to go!!! I feel deserted.by everyone and feel I can no longer say the truth....it hurts....I'm sad......