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About rockbottom

  • Birthday 11/20/1971

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    North East England, UK
  • Interests
    Video Games
    Not being depressed
    Not being anxious
    being able to go out

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Member (4/9)



  1. Well, hello everyone. It's certainly been a long time since I last posted on here (October 2012 to be precise). To all my friends who I've grown to know and love on here, I'm so sorry for being so tardy and not keeping in touch more. Ok, well, how's things? Not good. I've been doing really well, getting good at my job (I'm a web and IT developer for a gift company), things were going ok at home, was paying down debt, and getting ready to make plans. Then, waddayaknow? BAM! TIMES THREE! BAM! one - found out my sister has cervical cancer. Now, I still live at home with my folks as they kinda need the financial support I can provide, and my sister has Lupus which means she was ill to start with. BAM! two - I found out I'm being made redundant at work. I finish on August Bank Holiday weekend. Turns out the company I'm working for is run by some douchebags more interested in wringing the place dry than their quality service or their staff. I've slowly been replaced by TWO younger people, both of whom are paid a pittance. BAM! three - my dog died on Monday. He had Addisons which is a kidney disease that dogs get, so his vet's bills have been phenomenal, I'd actually hit my claim limit way before. He gradually got more and more sick until last week we had to take him to the vets, found out what was happening, and.... had to say goodbye. It's my first time grieving for a pet and boy, does it suck. I feel like I've lost a brother or something. I keep expecting to see him at the window when I get home. At least we still have his sister Lola, who although is a bit lost is ok. As you can well imagine, the family are just devastated about all of this going on. One of these would be pretty tough to take, but we've had 3 of them inside less than two months. It's really unfair. So, as you can imagine, with my previous problems relating to anxiety/panic and health, you'd think I'd have gone back to where I was right? Well, my willpower appears to be stronger than the unending disappointment and misery being heaped upon my family and me at present, so weirdly I'm doing as well as could be expected. I'd say as well as normal, but hey, normal is just one person's thought process of the world around them. So, here I am, now applying for jobs, going to work everyday to do pretty much nothing at all. I wish they'd just pay me my redundancy money and let me go now, but I've got three more weeks of this ridiculous situation. I'm feeling quite glad to be out of the place tbh, as I get the feeling the owners are just gonna squeeze everything out of it and put it into administration... I'm sure I'll get another job eventually, it's just having to start over - again. We have had a little good news - my sister's cancer hasn't spread as far as a CT and MRI scan shows. Just keep on hoping that some good news comes her way, god knows she could do with it. Anyway that's me for now. I wish I could be all 'rainbows and unicorns' but at present it's all grey skies and let-downs. I'm strong enough to beat it though. Ok thanks for reading, much love to all of my friends on here. Mark.
  2. Well hollo m'lady (courteous bow) Nice to hear you're doing things. I truly can understand about how pain affects mood, it truly makes you treasure the good days. You keep posting and sewing and we'll keep viewing! Much love M.x
  3. ((Hugs Mozzer)) Hi Lady M. Sorry to hear you're having a troubling time. We can all understand the 'how are you?' question - I used to want to give a venomous biting reply back to people, but it never really helps.... Glad to hear you have a good relationship with your therapist. Going out and exercising really does help to lift the grey clouds, even if it is only mundane activities you're doing. But going to the movies is never a bad thing! Keep up with that, little by little y'know? Much Love M.x
  4. Hello m'lady... it's been a long time. Sorry to hear the anxiety levels have been up - I'm guessing that's a mix of the pain/meds issues, new pdoc uncertainties... and I'm sure it'll calm down when things become clearer. You just keep on enjoying those blue skies and warm weather. Keep those happy things close, they are important! Much love, M.x
  5. 'Let it go' 'Stop caring so much' (hard when you're a sensitive type) 'Not your fault' (that's a BIG ONE, very important for most of us) 'one day at a time' - that one really works for me. It's difficult to show emotional support online that doesn't have emoticons or icons. As Brokenme said, it's how truthful it 'feels' - difficult to quantify - but I guess as we're all on here posting, we're being as truthful as we can. (hugs) (lol) x
  6. Hi Sweetie! Sorry I've not been in touch sooner, busy bee at work! Hope things went well at the vets, not too stressful/anxious. I can totally empathise about the squash/holidays bringing on anxiety for what seems like no good reason. I've just had a birthday and I got VERY uptight about it - I think it's due to memories of previous bad times on birthdays events resonating when I start thinking about it. Could be the same for you. You just take it easy as possible, sending you much love n' hugs Mark.x
  7. Hi Mozzer, Not heard from you for a while, I've been away from here for a little time too. I hope you're doing better than your previous post. I'm sure they grey days will lift, even if only for a little while. i'm here to talk if you ever want to. If you send me a msg I can send you my email address. Take care you (hugs) M.x
  8. rockbottom

    Something New

    Brilliant Seuss! You MUST post a pic!
  9. Keep calm and carry on. Good post! Hope you get the things off your chest you need to with the therapist!
  10. There's absolutely nothing more frustrating than the powerless of depression... which often manifests iself in self-loathing and anger. As joyandsmile said, it's so tiring to go through. I find exercise helps me deal with this sort of thing when I'm having an 'I hate EVERYTHING' day. Just a suggestion. Hope you find a bit of peace soon.
  11. May be worthwhile having a chat with your doctor/GP about it. Best to get an informed decision and a proper verdict over self-diagnosis? Just a thought. I hope you're feeling better today.
  12. ((HUGS)) Go you! I'm loving the positive/reflective attitude in your blog sweetie, that's a sure sign of good thought patterns. I truly hope things keep up in that manner! Take care you amazing woman! M.x
  13. rockbottom

    Love Ctd.

    Glad to hear you've put it into perspective jeroen. We all as humans want to love, and be loved, however deep we may try to surpress it. It's part of our genetic make up. Crushes can be fairly intense (I had one for years over a girl, turns out she was absolutely the opposite of what I was looking for!), so hang in there pal. The right one will happen if you want it to. M.
  14. There really are some thoughtless, callous, ignorant people out there m'lday. They can't help but make judgments on other people. I had a really nasty run in on facebook a couple of weeks ago with some skinny people having a real bully at fat people. Ended up deleting a so-called 'friend.' Oh well, one less ***** to ruminate over! I hope you're coming back from the knock sweetie, you're WAY better than these little guttersnipes! Take care you. M.x
  15. OK, let me just make this clear.... YOU HAVE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT. You're one of the most inspirational, optimistic, creative and supportive people I've (virtually) met in my entire life m'lady. You gave me so much support when I was going through my anxiety/panic/depression, and that is a beauty that few people get to even observe, let alone be involved in. Depression always comes along hand in hand with a certain amount of self-loathing, it's part of the whole cycle of depression. It's doing things that you enjoy and that take your mind away from ruminating about the bad things that will help to break that cycle, even if only for a short amount of time. I eat as a stress/comfort response as well, it's a difficult thing to look at once you're into it. I'm certainly not in a position to preach advice on that one, but I can understand.... Take care you, much love Mark. xxx
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