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Everything posted by adamrparr

  1. Well that’s that. She finally responded to me. She called and told me that she’s never speaking to me again. I guess that makes things pretty simple, apart from the heartbreak. I’ve done what I can.
  2. One of my very best friends in the world is on here. I’m not going to single her out. We haven’t talked in almost two weeks. I’m heartbroken. I’m very concerned about her. I love her and I miss her tremendously. I wish she would talk to me again but I just don’t know if that’s going to happen & that breaks my heart. I honestly don’t know what to do.
  3. No! You shut up and be quiet!! And you go away!!
  4. Sad, frustrated, disappointed, depressed, anxious & most of all... angry.
  5. Today I’m not doing incredibly well. I’m bored, unmotivated, a bit lonely yet content in isolation, somewhat anxious & depressed. Part of what’s driving me crazy is a bit of ongoing drama with the (ex?) girlfriend. Unresolved matters which hopefully will be resolved in the next day or two.
  6. Yeah, that’s exactly where I am and how I feel. And I just don’t have a clue what to do with that. Ah, the joys of unrequited love. Misery.
  7. Still struggling with the breakup emotionally, but what the hell do I expect? I know this is just part of the landscape. Nothing to do but live through it. What’s making it so damned hard is that there’s no animosity or anger there at all. We still have the same feelings for each other. That’s why I’m having such an impossible time letting go.
  8. Not good. Still very much emotionally crushed by the breakup yesterday. Went to a (AA) meeting and that helped for a little while. And hell, I’m still sober, so there’s that. I just feel like shit. I love Kelly and I miss her dreadfully but the only choice I have is to let go. So actually, I really don’t have a choice at all.
  9. My girlfriend Kelly just broke up with me. My heart is broken. Those are just nonsense words on a page but right now I can’t do justice to how I feel. And I know. Everyone’s sorry.
  10. Just checking in. How’s everyone doing?
  11. Well, no anxiety-producing girlfriend text tonight even though she promised to talk to me. I’m just gonna say goodnight & leave it alone. As I’m crashing I’m gonna go back to one of my wells. The Blues. Clapton tonight. Soothes the troubled soul. Remember - “The Blues ain’t nothin’ but a good man feelin’ bad.”
  12. I’m sitting here waiting on a text from my girlfriend. Could be ok, could be of the worst kind. Have made a few mistakes recently, though nothing too serious. Given the dynamic over the last few days though, my gut tells me that it might not be a very good conversation. Ooohoooohhh, the terrible uncertainty & anxiety. Nothing to do but sit and wait for it to be over.
  13. I’ve had a good number of bad things happen over the last few months. Many of them I’ve brought on myself. ‘Tis true. I have a number of things that I need to examine very closely. I’ve begun that. For now, I’ll just say this. I’ve hit a bottom. I don’t want to go any further down. Sick & tired of it. Much of what has to change is the way I choose to think a lot of the time. My mindset is far too negative automatically. I’m working on that. For the last couple of days I’ve been talking to a very good friend whom I met on here some time ago. I committed to getting social. It really helped. It helped me stay in the moment, and it helped my mindset. I began to think more positively. I gained a grain of self confidence. I also helped my friend in the process. It’s been great talking with them & we made small commitments to make small, but very significant changes for ourselves, just for today. That’s much more than we’ve done for ourselves in a long time. Helping others is always a great way to live, to stay in the moment, and to remain Grateful. The natural byproduct is that we feel better about ourselves too. I resolved to do something that I’ve had an extremely difficult time with historically. I’ve given myself a set bedtime, followed it for the last two nights, and more importantly, gave myself a set wake up time for the morning. Yesterday, I failed to get up on time. This morning though, not only did I stick to it, which is miraculous, but I actually woke up early & didn’t need my alarms. I believe this means that I actually do want to change. I have a few plans for the day. Nothing major but more than I did yesterday. Productive things. Reasonable goals. Just for today. If I wish to change things, this is simply how I must live my life. I do wish everyone a better day today than they had yesterday. Peace be upon you.
  14. Oh damn, I do know exactly how this feels. When I’m in a bad head space I’m not comfortable anywhere at all. Keep posting.
  15. I’m not doing well at all. The main problem is that I simply don’t believe in myself anymore. I used to. If I knew how to overcome that one problem, everything would be so much closer to okay. I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why. I don’t want to say the same things over and over. I don’t see the point in it. Fractured right now, but I guess I have been for a long time now.
  16. Hey all. Sorry I’ve been AWOL for so long. A couple of reasons for that. Will explain more as I get back up to speed. Right now I’m feeling really damned bad. Damned bad.
  17. Hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but I must say that @Oscar K is a real expert on the subject. You may want to reach out to him. It’ll be very illuminating. Adam
  18. No comment. (Not at all personally directed to you, iWant. Please know that.)
  19. That’s exactly the right thing to do.
  20. (Re: Nyla/PB) I’m f*cking disgusted, fed up, worn out. She’s the SIXTH friend I’ve lost since August. I’m so f*cking sick of it. It’s just been ceaseless. I just don’t have f*cking bandwidth for any more of this shit. I really don’t. I must admit that Nyla & I talked some through PM. As of about a week ago, she stopped responding. I knew exactly what the writing on the wall said. I saw this coming, as much as I hate to say it. Once again, though, absolutely nothing I could f*cking do about it. Same old. Deja vú all over again. So f*cking tired of this. I’m so tired of telling friends that “I just lost another friend”. I’m sick of it happening, I’m sick of feeling this shit & I’m f*ckin’-A sick of talking about it. I have no more bandwidth for this shit. I’m sure this will come across as cold, unfeeling & angry, but frankly, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now. Is what it is. Maybe when I’ve had a little time for this to sink in I’ll be able to make a post that’s a little more like me. Adam (p.s. - Forgot to mention that my uncle died last month too. So yeah, that one too. Never-ending.)
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