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adamrparr last won the day on November 5 2019

adamrparr had the most liked content!


About adamrparr

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    Silver Member
  • Birthday 05/01/1972

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    Memphis, TN - Center of the Musical Universe
  • Interests
    Avid reader, film buff, musician, guitarist, father of 3, ex-husband of 1, outdoorsman, good cook, published author, history buff, Deadhead, Bachelor's Degree in Economics, Widespread Panic fan, live music taper, car buff, Eagle Scout, comic fan, computer nerd, Master's Degree in Business & Finance, lifelong Redskins & Yankees fan.

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  1. Me too, @ladysmurf. That feature keeps me from trying sometimes. And that’s not at all good. Yeah brother. It can be absolutely debilitating.
  2. 2:25 now. Suppose I should go to bed even though I feel wide awake. Lord, I hate this sh!t... 😕
  3. It’s 11:15 here. I feel wide awake. Finally fell asleep last night around 1:30. Woke up at 7. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Crashed for a couple hours later, but still. I’m in a real quandary. I’m tempted to stay up for a while, but I honestly don’t know that it’ll help. Plus, if I stay up too late I’ll sleep far too late tomorrow. If I crash now, I’m sure to lay there for an hour or two before I finally conk out. Don’t feel like going to bed simply to wrestle with insomnia. Don’t think staying up for another couple hrs will help. Rock<Me>Hard Place. I know this isn’t a really a big deal but it’s got my mind a little screwed. (Going to see my doc on Friday. She knows that the Trazedone isn’t working well for me anymore, and I should be able to get a scrip for a more effective sleep med. One can hope, anyway. Suppose I’ll stay up for a while longer, but not too long for my own good. Night all.
  4. @highanxiety, Man, can I relate. Ever so closely. Yeah. Feelings of brokenness, being lost, despair, disconnection, separate-and-apart-from. I can also really identify with feeling completely alone in a full football stadium. When we feel like no one around us can relate, (and we’re often very right about that), it’s impossible to feel as though anyone’s truly with us. I’m certainly struggling with many of the same things right now. I’ve also been struggling with writing, which is torture for me. I just haven’t wanted to post much about myself at all lately, and I also feel like I’m devoid of anything worthwhile to say to anyone else. I just don’t feel at all like myself. Although I’ve lived with depression & anxiety forever, right now, for the most part, I’m just feeling blank, uninspired, flat, unmotivated, etc. I do think that we help one another manage & recover, especially when we begin to form relationships & friendships with others here. I know that there are days on which that has sustained me. Today certainly feels like one of those days. Love you brother, and certainly thinking of you. We’re very much in this sh!t together.
  5. @PraiseBrownies, I learned a long time ago that for me to trust someone just because they have a medical degree on the wall is very foolish indeed. Bottom line with regard to ANY med is that they have no way of knowing what will actually work. You just play the guinea pig. I had a similar experience. About 5 years ago I was (correctly) diagnosed with adult ADD. My doc prescribed the lowest dose of Adderall they make. I took one pill the first day & was bouncing off the walls & wide awake for 3 days. An absolute nightmare. So yeah, there so many cases where the med, and even the diagnosis, can be very wrong. No one’s better able to assess the “rightness” of any med than you. You’re experiencing it. The doctor isn’t.
  6. I can wear myself out too. I think we do that to ourselves because we think we never do enough.
  7. Oh God no. That’s absolutely the worst. Is today any better? Anything in particular going on?
  8. Dreadfully uninspired. Fitful sleep last night & woke up way too early. Bored as hell and yet I don’t feel like doing anything. Don’t feel very alive. Don’t feel much like writing either. 😑😑😑
  9. Anxious, still. Gonna crash now, though I’m not exactly looking forward to it. Periodic insomnia causes nerves sometimes as far as heading to bed. Anyway, hope all get some rest tonight.
  10. @Tears_Always, Yeah, I know it. It’s very true.
  11. Haven’t been writing much lately. Numerous reasons. Just haven’t felt like it. I’m still struggling with Dave’s death. A friend & I spoke last night on the phone for a good while about that. It was a great conversation & it really helped. Ironically, this friend was also extremely close to Dave. A good while back, Dave had gently suggested to both of us that we might want to reach out to the other. He felt that we’d have a pretty cool connection. As it turns out, Dave was very right. It figures. I really miss him badly. We communicated every day, typically numerous times. I do believe that we helped each other. He’s just not there for me to talk to anymore & that hurts every day. He was a particularly special friend of mine. My friend & I spoke last night about the fact that I (we) have been largely emotionally numb with respect to Dave’s passing. It’s been an unsettling near-absence of emotion about it a lot of the time. Like I (we) am waiting for some sort of emotional dam to burst. It hasn’t felt like normal grief. It don’t understand that & that bothers me. As fas as what I’ve got going on, that can wait for a bit. I need to start sharing again, but can’t do it all at once. I’m feeling meh. Mild depression & anxiety, very unsurprisingly. I’ve been very numb for a couple of months now, and that’s another story, but that has to change. That change begins today. I’ve been in a depressive, self-destructive rut & it has to change. I’ve been lost since the layoff but I have to get off my a$$ and get back to it.
  12. My friend Dave is gone. I’m numb yet miserable. Hell, I was numb yet miserable anyway. Now I feel lost & apathetic. Most of you knew him as @MarkintheDark. He became an extremely close friend of mine. I love him dearly & now he’s gone. I know this sounds monotonous & devoid of emotion. I’m just blank right now. This is not how things are supposed to happen.
  13. Glad to be on here after 24 hrs of not being able to find the server. I don’t know what to say. I’m lost & stunned. I don’t know what I’m feeling. Stinging with loss & confusion. No answers. Don’t even know what the questions are. What do I do with this? I feel incredibly alone now. What now? I don’t even feel like I can talk about what’s going on, and even if I could, I don’t have any idea what to say. This isn’t how things are supposed to go.
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