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AlwaysHope64

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  1. Just saw this post now. Thanks Stormrider. xoxoxoxxox
  2. I agree Ireland. It would be nice if it would come and go (at least some peace). Ireland, I wonder if you have had your hormones checked. Your depression might be postpartum. I have no idea how to treat it, but I just thought I might mention it.
  3. I know exactly what you mean Ireland. It is anhedonia. It is like that nothing means anything. It is a horrible and painful feeling. I haven't been able to go out and have been depressed for a very long time now. I finally forced myself out the other day to get stuff at the store and get my haircut. It was so hard but it just feels like nothing. It is not like I am building toward anything. I sit on the couch crying and have such a hard time making it through the day. It is either depression or anxiety. I wish someone had an answer for us.
  4. Thank you Tracy. I see a therapist and psychiatrist but still down. I tried hormone therapy but stopped. Thinking of trying again Thanks for your kinds words.
  5. Hi Alex, You are not overdramatizing your problem. You are in pain. I give you so much credit for continuing with school and keeping going. I think you should get checked physically to make sure there is nothing physical. It could be something easily fixable. Then you can also go to someone about your symptoms. Don't give up on yourself. Depression and mood disorders (whatever the cause) are extremely painful. People that don't have them don't know how hard it is to live with it. Despite the love you may have for your family, I think the advice they are giving you is wrong. You know what you can and can't deal with. You are obviously suffering and you should seek help for it. You are definitely worth it. You are young and should get help. Don't give up on yourself. Give yourself credit for trying everyday. Take care. Tricia
  6. I just wanted to say Hi and see how you are doing.

    Write if you get a chance.

     

  7. I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured and you have endured a lot. I know what you mean about the crying. I cry all the time because of the depression I am in. Two of my sisters have become overwhelmed or whatever with me and act annoyed a lot. One sister will not talk to me when I am crying. I get hurt more than I can say because I have had a long, painful depression. I have been in and out of the hospital the last few years and I cry all the time. I have found some people really understanding and some (doctors especially) very cold at times. Personally, I think it traumatizes me when this happens. As far as your doctor, I think only you know how you feel. I don't think you should have to worry about hiding your feelings, but that being said, no one is perfect. If you feel it was a good fit with one bad remark, you may want to give it a chance and see how it plays out. It could have just been one insensitive remark and you will end up with a great relationship. Whatever you decided, don't be ashamed of crying. You have gone through awful pain and personally I believe crying is a catharsis. You are very strong to have endured what you have and kept going. Take care. Hugs
  8. Thank you for your reply Marie. They know I am bad but maybe printing it out will actually show them how really bad. My therapist was really understanding about my missed appointments and I cried through the conversations. She said we could try a couple of more times and if I couldn't do it, she could see about getting me someone to come to the house. I am just so scared. It is like I just can't make myself do anything. I watched a movie today and that was a big deal for me. It is like I am becoming so uninterested or anxious or depressed by everything. I feel like a zombie. I am so scared and don't understand what is happening to me. I don't want to listen to music or clean or do anything. Suicide hotline has been great most of the time. They make me feel ok even though I feel like I am just a deadbeat. When I call my sisters, they just keep saying things like sort of what I am doing wrong. I am so scared because I don't think I am going to come out of this. It is like menopause or this breakdown has just taken all the life out of me. Thank you for your caring.
  9. Thank you for your response. Maybe relief does come when it is supposed to. It is nice to have this place to talk to people. Take care.
  10. You are so young. Your life hasn't really even begun. Don't be so hard on yourself. You had some kind of trouble with depression or something like that so you had problems with school. If I were you, I would talk to my parents (if you can) about how you started having a hard time with school. I would talk to them about seeing a therapist. I think you need to talk this over with someone and figure out what went wrong and why. You have nothing to be ashamed of at all and you are certainly not a train wreck. Life is very long and you are just beginning. Again, I think you might want to get a therapist to figure out what went wrong. Then, you can figure out what you want to do. Don't worry about what your friends are doing. Think about yourself and what you want and what you need. And don't beat yourself up.
  11. Hi, I was just hoping for some encouragement or talk. I have never been this lost or low. I am so scared of how bad I am. I have had depression all my life (I am 52) but I was getting by until 2011 when I hit menopause. I had never been hospitalized and I have been in the hospital about 13 times since. I seem to keep getting worse. I am worse now than I have ever been. I just started a new med but I feel like it is bothering my stomach now. I am really scared of meds and get a lot of side effects. I see my psychiatrist every week along with a somewhat new therapist. I haven't made my last 2 therapist appointments. She has been really great and understanding. I don't know what I would do without my psychiatrist and therapist. I cry so much of the time. I haven't gone out in over a week. I am having a hard time doing almost anything. I don't even like taking a shower anymore (I never really did that before). I feel so alone. My husband works all day and I am home by myself all day. I am severely depressed and getting really agoraphobic. Everything is so hard for me to do. I am so scared of everything and what is going to happen to me. I have been in and out of the hospital so many times in the last months. I am so scared. I call suicide hotline everyday to talk to someone and to help me get through the day. The only time I get peace is when I sleep. Any help or encouragement would be deeply appreciated. I am so scared and don't know how or what to do. I have gone through a lot of meds with doctor and even had ECT. I feel so lost and alone.
  12. Hi, I was just hoping for some encouragement or talk. I have never been this lost or low. I am so scared of how bad I am. I have had depression all my life (I am 52) but I was getting by until 2011 when I hit menopause. I had never been hospitalized and I have been in the hospital about 13 times since. I seem to keep getting worse. I am worse now than I have ever been. I just started a new med but I feel like it is bothering my stomach now. I am really scared of meds and get a lot of side effects. I see my psychiatrist every week along with a somewhat new therapist. I haven't made my last 2 therapist appointments. She has been really great and understanding. I don't know what I would do without my psychiatrist and therapist. I cry so much of the time. I haven't gone out in over a week. I am having a hard time doing almost anything. I don't even like taking a shower anymore (I never really did that before). I feel so alone. My husband works all day and I am home by myself all day. I am severely depressed and getting really agoraphobic. Everything is so hard for me to do. I am so scared of everything and what is going to happen to me. I have been in and out of the hospital so many times in the last months. I am so scared. I call suicide hotline everyday to talk to someone and to help me get through the day. The only time I get peace is when I sleep. Any help or encouragement would be deeply appreciated. I am so scared and don't know how or what to do. I have gone through a lot of meds with doctor and even had ECT. I feel so lost and alone.
  13. I am struggling very badly and I feel the same way most of the time about myself. But when I read your post I know you don't deserve the pain you are in. You deserve love and help and kindness. I am in a terrible depression/anxiety and have been hospitilized all through the holidays. But most people in my life keep telling me I need structure and say everything I am doing wrong. It practically kills me because I feel so sick with depression and it makes feel horrible. I usually end up hanging up on people. Truthfully, I think that is what they want because they don't want to hear me. What I end up doing is calling Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273 TALK. You don't have to be suicidal, just in distress. It has really helped me because the people are usually very understanding and nice to talk with. I think it really might help you to call. Truthfully, I have been calling every day just to be able to talk to someone who listens to my pain and doesn't tell me what I am doing wrong. It really is a great resource when you have no one that really understands. I am sorry you are feeling so much pain and feel so alone. It is a horrible feeling and it isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. People can just be very cold sometimes and it really hurts when you are hurting. I hope this post finds you in a better time. Take care.
  14. I am hardly functioning at all. I lay down all the time. I am so ashamed of myself. I have been hospitalized so many times lately. I feel scared all the time. Somehow I feel really in danger. Plus I can't concentrate. I have just about lost all hope. Waking up is so shocking to me. I wish I had someone to talk to.
  15. Hi, I really think you should try to talk to your parents about it. You should not suffer alone. Getting help from your parents or even a professional may help more than you know. But really try to explain to your parents. You could even print your post and let them read it if it is too hard to talk. But again, don't keep it inside alone. Take care.
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