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Rocky209

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  1. it went well. I was not prescribed medication but recommended therapy. I hope this works out. I will be doing regular visits starting next week. I am starting to kinda feel better already. going to find the root of my problems and hopefully extinguish them. reading all these replies brings tears to my eyes. I have not felt this welcome in so many months. it is not a feeling I am so used to. ty guys. tysm for your time and responses.
  2. this forum is much more welcoming than I had expected. I scheduled a meeting with my doctor on Monday. Thanks for your support. I honestly had much more to say when I posted last night. I just could not bring myself to type it. I still can not bring myself to type it. but once again thank you guys for your time.
  3. Hi I am finally getting around to posting what I have been feeling recently. Today I was just sitting around my friends. Just talking. Then moments later into the conversation I start feeling depressed. I was about to cry, but I moved into another room. It is hard to hold back the tears. I hurts my stomach just to try. I have tried telling some people specifically my family since I posted in the newcomers thread. My dad told me I was being spoiled and to get over it. My mom told me that she has enough problems of her own to listen to my whining. My sister called me an emo, and my older sister likes to take advantage of my moments of weakness. I find it hard trying to "stay strong." I have been grinding my teeth, and I have been biting my lip. My fingernails hurt from all the tapping on wooden surfaces. I dont mean to do these on purpose. I tell hundreds of lies a day. It is a reflex for me to lie. Every time someone asks how I am feeling I say I am fine. In my head I scream. I am not fine. I hate myself. In my teenage years I used to be self sacrificing. I was convinced I had traits of a martyr. Now I am older I realize I no longer care about sacrificing myself for others. I just see myself as the best target for the misery that others would suffer. (that last line was hard to type because of how I was raised. Even I think I am a wuss for thinking stuff like that....) I am very well educated, In fact my major is psychology. I know that what I am feeling is just chemical imbalances in the brain. I keep telling myself that my life is worth living. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, friends to talk to, and computer to type on. I keep telling myself that I am blessed with a good heart, and smart mind. I keep telling myself that there are others who have it worse off than me (these preaching' s given to me every time I try to get help on these kinds of problems) No matter how much I tell myself. No matter how I try to convince myself that this is just a simple chemical imbalance. nothing works. I find myself sitting in silence for hours just thinking about this problem. I have not eaten in about two days. I do not feel the need to eat either. I have not had a decent thought in my head for over 3 months. I used to play video games to have an outlet for my stressful times. Now those don't even work anymore. I am glad I am alone atm typing this because tears are streaming down my cheeks onto my keyboard. I feel so pathetic right now. It is going to take alot of courage just to hit the "post new topic" button. ten minutes later I am still looking at "preview post" I feel so unstable. I am spiraling out of control so bad... this one post took me almost an hour to write because just seeing myself like this makes me hurt so much. Why am I so weak... Why am I so inferior to everyone else..... hopefully my doctor can help me, because my mind is out of my control so much right now. 5 more minutes past, and I still can not manage to press the post button. What am I scared of? I guess I can not run forever. posting now. ty for your time and ty for reading this.
  4. ty for your support guys. I appreciate this. I will be speaking to a specialized doctor very soon. Hopefully I can get out of this rut soon.
  5. thank you. I am kind of leery about medications because my last psychiatrist was quite a pill pusher. my medications gave me an ocd side effect which made me repeat all my sentences under my breath. I might consider finding one who works for the patient and not the drug companies.
  6. Hi I am a 23 year old male. I have been attending college for almost 4 years. I have had small battles with depression in the past. Recently I have started to really worry. I feel like I am going no where in life. I get trips of anxiety that make me hurt inside. I have been having these dark thoughts for over 3 months. I have not told anyone though. My family thinks that if you feel badly, or depressed then you must be spoiled or you are whining. For a very long time I believed this way of life. however as my depression spirals more and more out of my control I find it hard to keep it to myself anymore. Even now as my family walks by I am Alt+tabbing to other windows to hide that I am posting this. I have been attending college for 4 years now. My 3 best friends already have jobs in their fields, and it feels like life is passing me by. Just the thought of this has me rapping my fingers on my desk in rapid succession. Every time I wake up to go to college, or to wake up in general I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that all this effort, and all this time I devote to bettering myself is just a waste. Well I probably should end the intro here before I go too far off topic. (will post more in a dedicated part of the forum). just some things to note. 1. I have not told anyone about how I am feeling because I dont think anyone I know will take me seriously, or just say that my problems are small. 2. I feel weak everyday, and am feeling weaker as time goes on. I have stopped eating normally, I wake up feeling just as tired as I was when I went to bed, and I feel like I am backed into a corner everyday. 3. I can not stop thinking these thoughts and it brings me to borderline tears. these thoughts even appear in class, or when I am with my friends, or even around my family. 4. I just wanna feel like my life is worthwhile once again. willing to try anything at this point *crosses fingers* ty for your time and ty for reading.
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