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Everything posted by abram

  1. I'm on Effexor now but it doesn't prevent the depressive attacks. I'm 22 and my depression have slowly been creeping up on me since I was 18
  2. No it's worse. I've never had a girlfriend despite being decent looking and a willing listener so I can't even look back at a time when I was in love. My love life has all been about rejection after rejection and that's it. It makes me feel like the whole world is against me sometimes. God, women and everyone else. Like I try my best to work hard and live a good life but everyone else just want to bring me down. Does anyone know any quick remedy for these depressive attacks? Like pills or anything? I'm really scared to break down at work.
  3. I realized that my depressive attacks are triggered by some form of rejection by girls and loneliness. Being in a place where I see a lot of happy couples can trigger it too so I try to avoid them. But it's like a low sinking feeling. Like I will never be happy again and I will always be lonely forever. I have tried showing compassion to myself and my brain but it seems that nobody else does the same. I'm clutching straws, trying to hang on and keep it all together but I'm afraid one day I will have a real terrible breakdown. These depressive attacks are affecting my life and productivity.
  4. I had a severe depressive attack in my workplace today. I got really disappointed when nobody would go to lunch with me and It seems like I felt really low. Like I'm in a black hole. I feel isolated in my new workplace. I tried my best to socialize but it seems I'm being kept out of the loop. It got so bad that when I left work I had to really try my hardest to hold back tears and I was breathing heavily. I don't know how I felt this way. This is the worst depressive attack I ever had and I don't know what I can do. Has anyone ever felt like this before
  5. I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through a difficult and traumatizing experience in growing up in abusive household. I am a 22 year old who never has a girlfriend myself and I know that it can feel really lonely when you look around you and see that people are in love and being loved in return. But it is not true that you do not deserve to be loved because everyone deserve some love especially you. I know that it must hurt when people are not being sensitive towards your plight but you must learn to ignore them and have compassion for yourself it's rare for people to show compassion nowadays. I hope that you will find love one day. I do not know who you are, I do not know how you look like. But I am sitting here typing in my keyboard wishing that I can give you a hug and tell you that I care about you and you deserve to be loved.
  6. I only have 1 friend and I am away from my family and my friends that I have made in another country. I feel lonely and isolated. I keep on thinking of the good times I used to have with my friends. It feels so hard to make friends in my university
  7. So I think I have developed feelings for this girl that I met a few months ago. But things aren't working out that well. We are classmates in college but she keeps on finding excuses not to hang out with me. We are kind of friendly to each other and sometimes flirty but it seems to be more of a friend/ acquaintance type. I invite her over to my place before and we had lunch together before but it seems that I don't know how to push the relationship to the next level. I hate that I have feelings for her but the fact is I do. I never have a girlfriend before and I am already 22 which makes it so much worse. Now that the class is over I don't know whether I should keep on trying to ask her out or I should just distance myself from her. I feel like I am in the inferior position because of my depression and the fact that I have a very small social circle while she has a huge social circle and lots of friends. I don't know what to do. Can someone gives me an advice? I know there are lots of other girls out there but girls does not come by easily for me.
  8. I feel demotivated and depressed so often nowadays. I am trying my best to do things that make me happy but I'm sick of feeling miserable all the time. I'm sick of this world and I'm sick of dealing with people. I cannot get rid of suicidal thoughts everyday. It's like im stuck in this well of misery that I can't get out of. Talking to my psychiatrist is not much of a use because all he tells me is to look up and think positive. But I can't think positively when my life is miserable and alone like this
  9. Are you seeing any counsellor right now? You should try to see one because they can give you the emotional support that you need to cope with this difficult period in your life I am sorry to hear about your predicament it must be hard on you. I know it seems difficult to think about it right now but things can change for the better
  10. I understand that you feel depressed because it seems that you lack life experience as compared to everyone else. I was overprotected too and grew up pretty naïve. But you are talented Irep. Even though it seems that society undervalues your talent that does not make you worth any less than them. Being good in studies is a talent that a lot of people sincerely wish they have and they are probably jealous of those who have it. As for life experience, you still have a long way ahead of you. Try to expose yourself to a lot of activities and get out of your comfort zone. Even if they are small steps. You are special Irep and I am sure your parents are proud of you
  11. I miss going to the gym with my best friend I miss the times my family is together at home I miss the time I still believe in love and compassion I miss the time I look forward to going to school because I can hang out with my friends I miss the time when I angry but full of spirit instead of being miserable and depressed all the time
  12. Hi there. I understand how you feel about other people not understanding your depression. It is very hard for most people to understand what depression feels like because they have never been through it. I myself feels the same way about being walled in because I am depressed yet I cannot tell anyone except my psychiatrist about it. It's really unfortunate that you cannot afford theraphy. I am sure there are support groups out there in your location to help people cope with depression free of charge. Try meetup.com. Whatever happens you must try not to be isolated. You can even msg me sometimes when you are feeling down
  13. It is hard I know but what is done is done. Try to finish school no matter what because a degree is so essential nowadays. I know there seems to be a lack of motivation in finishing school as it seems that even if you did your best your gpa will not be as good as you want it to be but try nonetheless. Finish strong and start looking for internship opportunities while in school. Don't give up on your life even if things look bleak right now.
  14. I myself have been single all my life despite being decent looking so I understand what you mean when it seems that you cannot do anything about it. It can be hard sometimes for us men who are not gifted with great looks, body and huge ego as sometimes girls can be blind to other decent men who can be more understanding. But don't give up, find groups where you can meet new girls. Show them your best self. Even if it seems that they keep on rejecting you because there's nothing to lose. Even if rejection hurts and they do especially for people like us who haven't yet find a girl who accepted us because each rejection is another blow to our self-esteem. Keep expanding your social circle and meet more girls but whatever you do don't give up on yourself because you deserve to be loved
  15. Hi welcome to the forum. It is good that you acknowledge that you may be depressed. That may be the first step towards addressing it. You should talk to that friend who has a depression because he or she will be able to emphatize what you are going through. You should also talk to a psychiatrist about it so that he can help with your depression. From a personal experience, people who have not gone through depression won't be able to understand how you are feeling and brush it off as just another feeling of sadness even though depression is real. They may also feel uncomfortable dealing with the subject and not acknowledge the seriousness of your condition. So do talk to someone about your depression but be selective about it because not everyone understand what it means to be depressed and have suicidal thoughts
  16. Sometimes depression kills our motivation to do anything. Perhaps it may seem like things are never going to get better but things can change. You said that you were once happy and loved life. It can happen again. Think about what will make you happy and take steps to work towards it. Even if they are just baby steps, don't give up on your life even if it may seem that it never get better. Just hang on and persevere even when it seems that life is full of because it can change
  17. Thanks guys. I am back to taking medication but I am determined to not let depression take over me again. Sometimes I think I'm living a nightmare. It makes me scared sometimes but I tell myself that I have to face it
  18. Thanks for your concern. Yea I just started seeing my therapist again today. I don't know if it's just a few bad days or I'm already feeling depressed. I have been having emotional breakdowns everyday for the past 3 days. Somehow I feel this could be worse than last time. I'm going to re start taking meds again from tomorrow on. I hope it helps. I just feel my life is slipping again for the worse and parts of my sanity is just eroding slowly day by day.
  19. 4 months ago, it seems that I have overcome my depression but it just came back again in the past 2 days. I'm sick of life being such a tease. It seems things will get better but it gets worse again. I just cried suddenly for 2 nights straight because I realised how lonely and scared I am. I feel life is a like a never ending emotional torture. It seems every year gets worse and worse. Nights are torturous or me because I cannot sleep until dawn breaks because I am so anxious about life
  20. I'm sick of being treated like a vermin all the time. No girls like me, people look down on me, I have no social capital, I have no place I call home, everything in life is just wrong. I'm sick of feeling depressed, weak and worthless all the time. This world has no place for me. It has always rejected me, single me out and isolated me. Today I finally ******* realized what a sick ******* world I live in. I have no ******* place here. I think there is no way out of it. It's better to die than live like s*** for the rest of my life
  21. My depression has gotten worse in recent weeks. I feel more alone and depressed than ever. I feel like I cannot escape from the black hole that I am stuck in. It's been 5 years and my life has been full of misery and sufferings these part 5 years. I need someone that I can talk to that understand depression but nobody seems to be available. I just want to sleep and avoid going through life day by day. I'm sorry for the rant but I just have to get theses feelings out of my chest
  22. looking back the past 21 years of my existence, I realized how pathetic I am. How everyone makes fun of me, how I fail in things that I really want. How I never have a girl to love and the family problems. I think the past has taken its toll on me. I am not really thinking of suicides nowadays but I really wish that my pathetic life will end soon somehow, somewhere. I hate my life! I have no energy to do anything nowadays, nothing seems to matter. All I can do is stare at my laptop and lie on my bed. I think it's all fated. My life is one big cruel joke
  23. I'm kind of in the middle I guess. I rarely cry unless it involves family issues until recently when I fell into depression that I began to have episodes where I will cry uncontrollably out of nowhere as the feeling of sadness overwhelms me. The first time it happened was a few years ago and I think that time period was the beginning of my depression
  24. Welcome to this forum Nataya! I often feel like that too. I feel like I'm always on the outs in a social setting. Like I don't belong with the others. I kind of share the same feeling of emptiness when I'm using the computer. It feels like talking to a mirror sometimes like I'm communicating with someone but not on a face to face level. I think there are many people like us out there. Maybe we don't always fit in but there are still people who embrace us.
  25. I feel the same way too. My bed is my refuge, my escape, helps me escape from the depressing reality. I'm finding it harder to get myself out of bed and do things
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