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About Noah

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  • Birthday 12/09/1995

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    Video games, Music, Youtube.
  1. Thank you very much for the adivce Ep1ctetus I appreciate it
  2. Just some background info: I am 16 turning 17 in december The girl in this story is 15 turning 16 in january We go to the same school She has had a handful of boy friends but she is deffinantly not a slut or anything I have never had a girl friend and i'm really bad at reading signs that girls are interested in me or not The main part of this took place yesterday (friday) it is saturday today Basicly a girl i've been friends with for a while got dumped by her boy friend about 3 weeks ago (they had been going out for only about 3-4 weeks) She decided to seek comfort from me (not sure why me out of all people) We started to talk a lot and hung out a bit (went to the movies) When we went to the movies we had about 2 hours of free time before the movie started so we chilled in a park Whie there we talked a lot and she was starting to get really close to me (opening up a lot and lying on me/hugging stuff like that) In the movie we hugged a bit and after it finished I said as a joke you should come back to my place, she respnded "I wish I could bt mum wants me back right after" Now after a while I began to have feelings for her (proper feelings not just sexual) I was faced with a problem though, she vented to me a lot about how much she misses being in a realtionship with her ex and said she is still not over him Her ex on the other hand was complerely over her and didn't have any interest in her anymore (they don't even talk to each other) But I gathered the courage to ask her out She said something along the lines of "I'm really sorry you're a really nice guy but i'm really confused about everything right now and kind of still have feelings for my ex" I was crushed but I sucked it up and said "it's alright I understand" The next day I told her best friend about what happened and she said "Thatis so weird because she has been telling all of us how much she really likes you and wants to go out with you" I was completely shocked by this so I decided not to give up and give it a bit more time She was going away to New Zealand for the school holidays so I tried to talk and hang out with her as much as possible I thought everything was going well (she seemed like she really enjoyed having me as company and all that) But then on the thursday and friday she was acting a little bit shy and awkward around me and everytime one of her friends were around her they would shove her towards me and say stuff like "do it" and "go" So on the friday I decided to pull her to one side and tell her exactly how I feel about her I told her that I am pretty much in love with her and Like her for her personality more than her looks (which is true) and love being around her/talking to her and would be the most caring and nicest boy friend ever I also said I know i'm not the best looking guy and that I know I can be weird and awkward but will always be there for her and would never do anything to hurt her Because this was such a painful experience I forgot most of what she said but it was something along the lines of this I really, really like you as a friend and the thing is i've been almost trying to force myself to like you the way you do me but I just can't and i'm so sorry and I feel like such an *** hole. I'm also still not completely over my ex and I don't want to go into a relationship with you if my heart isn't in the right place, I don't want you to feel really strongly about me but I don't feel as strongly about you. But this isn't written in stone, when I get over my ex I will find it easier to feel the same way about other people and will most likely end up with you but for now I can't i'm really, really sorry In the middle of what she was saying I began to cry and she hugged me and told me how sorry she was and that girls aren't worth it I told her it's not her fault and I understand but I need to be alone (Because I was holding back my tears and really needed to go cry) She said I don't want you to be by yourself but I said I really need to be so she left me alone and I cried for about an hour One of my friends told me that she passed him and said how much of an *** hole she feels and how much she hates herself and that she broke down crying and went home early I talked to her on Facebook later that night and we cleared some more things up and I pretty much lied to her and said it's okay I completely understand her situation and we can just stay friends for now She has left for New Zealand and wont be back till next term (2 weeks from now) Now my life has already been really bad lately My parents have like dissowned me because they caught me smoking an illicit drug I have failed year 11 pretty much I have no motivation I have depression I do nothing interesting I get bored very easy I have no skills I have no job I am becoming really disstant and being left out by some of my best friends And the whole thing with this girl that i'm in love with The day that she crushed me I cried for ages, attempted suicide by running onto a busy road, injured my hand bad from punching a wall and trashed my room I am actually in love with this girl I have never felt this strongly about another person in my life EVER I have been rejected by girls countless ammounts of times and just shrugged them off and they didn't bother me But this hurt so bad Like my heart had been ripped to shreds I think about her constantly and she is the only thing I look forward to I'm at the end of my rope If I ended up with her it would make me feel so mch better Knowing that there is someone I can rely on to be there for me and to love me I don't know what to do I'm also scared that if I tell her how much I love her it might scare her away Someone please help I'm in so much pain Thank you for taking the time to read my problem - Noah
  3. Noah


    I really like this girl but I never get much chance to talk to her and she already has a friend group so it's almost like what's the point but i don't know I would really like to hang out with her sometime but i'm never good at starting conversation so I feel like it would be really awkward. I don't know i'm just a pretty big loser bottom line.
  4. Noah

    The End Of My Rope

    thanks for the support and no i do't see anyone about it or take meds for it
  5. Noah

    The End Of My Rope

    This is it guys, i've been getting worse and worse and it's getting to a breaking point. I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing in life makes me happy like it used to. I'm always tired. Failing school. Lonely. Help me...
  6. I just realised something that made me a little sad. 90% of the time or maybe even more I have to be the one to start a conversation, why is that? Am I that painful to talk to? Are you that uncomftorbal around me? Or is it you just don't want to make the effort? Another thing is a lot of my conversations end pretty quickly, I try to keep them going but usually end up getting one word bland answers. But who knows it could be me, i'm not trying to say that everyone else is the problem.
  7. Noah


    I really want someone to hold right now and just snuggle with :(
  8. good to see you're feeling better :)
  9. Thanks a lot for the support butterscotch :)
  10. thank you taysmom1016 :)
  11. thanks for the support everyone :)
  12. I was in the middle of one of my stormy cloud/depressive epsiodes and for some reason decided to search on youtube "panther". I love animals very, very much and my favourite animals are cats. Upon this search I stumbled across a youtube channel "BigCatRescue". This channel posts educational/cute/funny videos all about this safe sanctuary for big/wild cats that nurse them back to health/ keep them safe from pochers. The video I came across first was an educational video about Panthers and how the black panther has never been proved to actually exist. This video was very interesting and was very cute :3 I then started to scan over some of there other videos and before I knew it I had watched almost all of them. One video in particular made me so happy I shed some tears. I felt a really warm tingling feeling in my chest and it made me actually smile to see these beautiful animals happy and being looked after :') So i'm interested to know, what cheers you up? Share your responses, I am interested to hear. <3
  13. Well my fav band is Tool and their lyrics are not very dark generally. Another one of my fav bands is Meshuggah, they are really heavy but the lyrics aren't dark for the most part (one of their best songs is about vision or something). I tend to find heavy music gives me energy and "wakes me up".
  14. Noah


    Since I was around 11-12 (i'm 16 going 17 now) i've had really bad ACNE. I am aware this is not an uncommon thing but I believe it has decreased my self esteam and confidence dramaticly. I just feel really ugly, maybe others don't see it that badly but it sure feels like it. I was bullied really bad because of this aswell and I remeber being called ugly plenty of times. Because of this excesive bullying, I believe it. When I was about 13-14 my parents put me onto an ACNE medication to help clear it up. I went through many different doses but none seemed to work very well. Eventually at the age of 16 I was put onto the strongest ACNE medication there is, it is also a cure for ACNE. I've been taking the tablets for 5 months now and my GP said that in 2 months I can stop taking them forever because the course goes for 6-7 months then it clears up on it's own. The main point of this story is that I realised recently that one of the side effects to this medication is that it CAN CAUSE DEPRESSION. Now i'm not saying that this is the cause of my depression but it is quite a coincidence that I developed depression about 2 months after taking the medication. Who knows maybe when i'm off the stuff I will have a breakthrough. But I highly doubt it because I still feel horrible and that my life is empty and without meaning. :'(
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