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Posts posted by Cupcake_girl

  1. Yeah I know, I'd like to get some medication and I've asked about it but like I said they just don't think it's nessesary. They think I can do it by myself, but honestly I feel I'm not strong enough for that.. I mean otherwise I wouldn't be struggeling with this for quiet a long time now.

    Yes I do journaling already :) I've been doing it for 4 years now and it helps me to organize my thoughts. I just love writing now and the best is I can do it whenever I want to!

  2. Well I told one friend. It went well. I can talk about it pretty easy with her now but I do wish I didn't told my friend because it puts a strain on our friendship :( Its all we seem to talk about now, it feels so free to talk about it with her, she is the first one ever I can talk to so open about my issues so for some reason I always seem to do it now.. All my other friends I haven't told and I just have fun with them.. With her I always have deep talks untill I cry. She's there for me but I feel it's all our friendship is about now.. So yeah, I don't really have advice.. Just make sure it's not all you talk about.. I feel like a burden to her but a lot of the times I can't help myself to bring it up because I just feel so low :(

  3. ^^ I'm sorry to hear that. It's just aweful to bully a person because he's overweight, why would someone do that? Well I don't know about looking great, I just look average now ;) I only have to loose a few more pounds and then I'm oficially out of the "overweight zone". It's just I don't feel any diffrent. During my HS years I always thought loosing weight and looking pretty would make me happy but I still feel the same. Like I said I wish I could see myself through the eyes of the ppl who give me compliments.. But yeah I have faith it will happen one day. Indeed what's on the inside matters, it's just so annoying ppl always seem to focus on looks. I'm sure you are a great person! If you want to loose weight you can do it, just start with small steps :)

    Oh ok, that's awful.. Yeah I hope it will be good, I've waited SO long xD

  4. Well no I am not on medication now and I've never been. Sometimes my mom brings me these, well I call them "nature" pills from a regular store who are suppose to calm me down but they never work. I've asked for real pills and my mom as well but they just say I can do it alone because I am a "strong" person.. Uhm ok, if I could do that I would have done it 4 years ago already. Plus I am a "strong" girl? So ppl who take medicine are weak then? That is just stupid because it is not true. Like I said they just don't take me seriously, I've heard a lot these are just normal things for my age to deal with. Well ok even if they are I still can't deal with it normally. I cry all the time and I just feel hopeless about my future.

    And yes I do have very low selfesteem. Because I was overweight I've been bullied quiet a lot and even some family told me I was fat and needed to loose weight, it totally crushed my confidence. I always hid myself and wore these big baggy clothes. Well this summer I decided I was just done with it so I lost like 30/33 lbs, I feel great about it and I also feel much healthier. When it comes to this I made a good step because I just wear whatever I like now.

  5. Well I'm a 20 year old girl.. I'm depressed for almost 4 years now.

    I'm doing a little better though then I use to do. I've lost 30 lbs and for the first time in my life I can say I feel pretty. I have also started college this year, I've made new friends and my grades are good but I am still far from happy.. I'm still feeling miserable about myself. I feel I'm worthless and not good enough and I will never find someone who will love me (I've never even kissed wich is bugging me a lot) If I think about it I burst into tears.. I cry all the time and I wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach most of my days. Not just because of that but also over my whole life, I feel it's not even close on how I want it to be and I can't change it no matter how hard I try,

    I'm tired of ppl thinking I'm having such a great life. I feel ppl just don't take me seriously, I've told my new friends I am not feeling good and they didn't even believed me. When I tell my friends I am worried to end up alone they say I need to stop being so negative.. Even worse is that counselors don't take me seriously either. I've been to 2 who don't think I'm "worse" enough to take me in. Two weeks ago I finally got a new recommendation for a therapist and she will contact me after Easter. I'm glad with that but I'm also so scared, what if she doesn't take me seriously either, also I've been to 2 other therapists before as well wich didn't went very well.. I'm just so scared nobody can help me and I will always feel like this :( I'm working on my depression for 4 years now and it's still there, some periods I am doing well but then it "suddenly" comes back and I feel worse then ever.

    Although I have great support from my parents I still wasn't able to completely get rid of this wich makes me feel very weak. I don't really know how to deal with my inner pain anymore so some time ago I've

    started to pinch and scratch myself untill it burns,

    I know it is SO wrong but it makes me feel calm and in some way I feel I need to punish myself..

    I don't want to do it but I just want the pain to stop. I just want to live instead of feeling I'm watching everyone live while I have to watch then behind a window. I just want to be happy! That's what I want but I'm terrified I will always be a sad unloved person :(

    So well, I don't really know what I expect by posting this.. I guess I just needed to get it all out since I'm feeling so bad now. Thanks for reading. Any support is greatly appreciated.

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