WaitingToIgnite

Thanks alot for the good answers :) I have always been like i am now, shy, lonely and not talking much! But the last years time it all have just been increasing because i have had so much time and because i haven't been seing much people! Im gonna talk with the doctor, hope he can help me! Because i have been so alone and shy in my life, i think it have made me a very serious person! Im way more serious that i like and i have a hope that if i get more friends and that my selfconfidence is getting strong i can become who i really feel im supposed to be and who i want to be! I want to be more happy and to be good against other people and to make people laugh and have fun, but if i have to be like that i got to improove and to gain self esteem. Im not taking any medicine and haven't spoke with the Doctor yet. Hope i can make myself call him tomorrow.

Hi my name is Rasmus! Im 20 years old. My life seems so meaningless and im getting more and more lonely and trying to find an answer on how to become happy again finding good friends and keep my girlfriend! Im so tired of my life! I have been doing nothing for almost a year now! I was taking first step in the education as carpenter, but then i became in doubt if it was what i wanted and now im just stuck, don't know what to do! Ive never had many friends and ive always been a little shy and not that social and since i stopped on education it has just been getting worse and ive started to realise alot of things about myself! I got to change, i really need to change! The only good thing to say about my depression is that ive realised those things about myself and it makes me wanna change so i can become who i want to be! I feel like im a flower and that i have never started to bloom! Its what im waiting for and now i see that i will have to do alot of work to change myself! I have realised how important friends is and that its what makes life worth living! I have a very bad selfconfidence and im afraid of talking to strangers im afraid that they will find me boring and very serious, but its probably also true! I hope i can get myself up from this hole and that i can be free! I feel like im not being myself, i feel like im not the person i should be! Im not expecting to change into a superstar or such high expectations, but im hoping that i can forget about others opinions (which is something that i think alot about) and just feel free! It's not me being shy and isolated, but thats how ive become, ive slowly started to fade instead of blooming and if i had had more friends and have been more social i think it could have helped me alot, then i would be a different person! Now that i don't have friends, job and school i have terribly much sparetime! So im spending most of the time on facebook, which has both been a very bad thing because it has stolen alot of time, that i feel i have wasted, but it has also given me hope and belief in that i can get up from this whole! Facebook is the reason why i have found my girlfriend too! She is the best thing that have happened to me! She gives me hope that maybe im not useless, maybe im something worth! I can't describe how lucky i am to have met her, she is everything i dream of and i would do anything to keep her! She is from Malaysia so she's very far away! But still we both are so in love! Though i got her now as a girlfriend im still extremely worried about loosing her! I think i might be alot different in real life than on facebook! In real life im shy and scared to talk to strangers and not good at talking, but on facebook i feel free! My biggest fear is that when im gonna meet her later this year i will make her disapointed, because i might be very shy and insecure + that im not that talking and social in real life! So i hope i can change before im gonna be with her in September for 3 weeks! She means everything! My biggest wish here in life is to get married and she's the one for me! So i will do all i can to keep her and to make her happy! I hope you guys got some advice on how to become more social and how to change! Being lonely and shy is just ruining my life! I got much to give i just got to be free! This is a verse from a song i made: "Though my life seems cold and dark I still have a spark Im waiting for the light Just waiting to ignite" Sorry if im talking bulls***, im not that good at writing posts. I really hope you got some advice, i need to change! And keep my amazing girlfriend! Start living life! Instead of turning grey!