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blackhole

Senior Member
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    618
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About blackhole

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 01/07/1975

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Profile Information

  • Interests
    Books<br />Computer games<br />Movies<br />my dog<br />sleeping
  1. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  3. I hope you have a fantastic day :)

  4. Happy birthday!

    :)

  5. I could use some anonymity myself. Today I go back to work after a 5-day holiday. Should be interesting to see how I adjust. Nothing a few cups of strong coffee won't fix. And maybe a few endorphin high moments from the gym. My job is still quite stressful but it's driving me to drink coffee! Haha! Can't seem to get my writing groove on without it. I'd say that's a lot better than alcohol. I'm on detox for the whole month of April. Been craving a drink but so far I've managed to pull through. I did catch myself breathing in the wonderful smell of alcohol that my friend ordered for himself last night. Wasn't too hard to say no. I'm glad I have supportive friends and an even more supportive boyfriend. Helps a lot. Hope you're feeling okay today :)
  6. Dan! You changed your user name? I remember you too! ((((Dan)))) Today I'm mood swingy. Happy about how my life is going yet oddly depressed. It's all so confusing.
  7. Blackhole,

    How are you doing these days? Ive gone off meds before and had quite a reaction. Im better now. Hope you are!!!

    Nice to meet you.

    Gentle Sun

  8. Being extremely busy and distracted at work helps keep the sadness at bay. It keeps my mind off some of the darkest thoughts. Or am I just fooling myself? Am I kidding myself by pushing aside all these negative thoughts? I don't know what's real anymore, how I'm really feeling. I'm so preoccupied with work. And I'm having a fun time of it. But I know I'm so sad inside. But then I don't have time to feel sad. Does that mean I'm not? I'm so confused.
  9. My Sophie saves my life everyday. I'm all alone in the world and she's all I have. We live alone in a tiny apartment and I'm all she's got too. I don't know what I'd do without my Sophie. She's the only one that makes me smile these days. And I'm just so incredibly dpendent on her that I don;t kwno what I'd do without her. The unconditional love our pets have for us really does help when we're feeling down. Especialy when they seem to know when you are feeling bad.
  10. I'm back. Relapse. Backslide. Whatever you wanna call it. I don't know how many of you are still out there and still remember me. I'm so lonely it hurts. I don't think I know how to love people. Maybe that's why I'm alone. I'm too complex. I'm too difficult. I'm too hard to handle. Who on earth would want to be with me? I tried to get out of the house and be a bit more sociable Maybe meet someone Maybe make some friends But I feel so alone still I don't know what else to do I cry in secret now. I am in so much pain and I don't want anyone who knows me to see it.
  11. blackhole

    Secrets

    I wish I were dead. One day, I will get the dose right. One day, I will use that gleaming knife. One day, I will OD on blow. You know it will happen. It's just a matter of time. I will take my own life. And no one will be able to stop it. No one will even care. It feels like it's my destiny calling out to me. Like I was meant to take my own life. It will happen. Maybe not today. But one day. My brain will not stop torturing me until I do. My soul will not stop wailing until I do. My heart will not stop screaming until I do.
  12. I hate having to fake a smile too when people ask me how I am. I really dont have a choice. One mention of a mood disorder and I could lose my job. Or people will start calling me crazy again. when all Im trying to do is to survive this.
  13. Cat, That is such a cute picture! I love snuggling with my schnauzer when I sleep too. I think it's just so amazing when she falls asleep next to me. It means she feels safe there and that means a lot to me. I've never been anyone's safe harbor before. And it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.
  14. I think it's guilt. Because I treated him so bad. I'm just a biotch. Sad to say. I'm actually happier without him. That's just twisted.
  15. It's quite a big responsibility handling a group of people who are very sensitive to the what things are said and the way things are said. And I agree that she has a duty to make sure she can measure up to those requirements. Nathan, I'm shocked at your facilitator's behavior. It suddenly seems as if she has no understanding at all of what we are going through. Does she suffer from a condition herself? Honestly, I really don't count on people who don't have mood disorders to understand. That's why I find it so safe to vent here in DF. I do hope we all find answers. But then again, what happens after we do find them? I'm feeling very pessimistic today, I apologize. The holidays looming ahead are having a very strong effect on my moods.
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