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Shmooey last won the day on February 11 2013

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About Shmooey

  • Birthday 12/02/1970

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    hiding away from the world

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  1. Nice to see you posting here again Lady M! I'm so happy to hear that you're conquering the SI monster. I know it's hard, I used to do it too, but as you say, it leaves ugly scars to always remind us. Over time, you will find it easier to resist as you get farther away from the last day you harmed. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Do you take an anti-depressant too? Abilify and Latuda are anti-psychotics but I would think you should be also be on a good AD.
  2. (((((((((Nataya)))))))))
  3. Shmooey

    It's Been Awhile!

    ((((((((((Nataya)))))))))) I still hang out here sometimes in case you show up. I'm sorry things are so hard for you lately. I think the same as you about DBT. About P, sometimes we can start to get nostalgic after enough time passes and we forget the reasons why we broke up in the first place. I've done it with exes too. When you see each other again, it reminds you of why things didn't work out. I hope you find someone new if that is what you want. Certainly remember good times with P, but also remain open to new opportunities. Sending love to you and your kitties!
  4. So I've posted here before about wanting to apply for SSDI due to Schizoaffective Disorder. I've discovered that I am not eligible, as I don't have enough work quarters to qualify. You need to have worked for five of the last ten years, or 20 work quarters out of 40. I've been in Canada for nine years between 2003-2011 so I didn't have enough quarters in the U.S. Just putting this up there in case the info helps someone else. I will continue to collect long term disability benefits through my state employees' plan, so I'm not totally lost and forced to return to work for 40 hours a week. I don't think that would be successful anyway. I came back from Canada in December 2011, started a job in January 2012, and was pushed out of it by August 2012 because of my schizophrenia problems. I spent eight months unemployed after having a breakdown and then I worked for a year and a half before going out first on short term and now on long term disability through my university I worked for. I had another serious psychotic break after leaving that job that seems to have damaged my brain. Or at least my ability to function and cope. I asked my pdoc whether psychotic episodes cause actual brain damage - she said they don't really know but that brain damage is caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain. I think psychosis does do damage, saying that from experience. I feel permanently broken after the last really bad episode and don't know if I will ever be able to manage a normal life again. I don't think so. It was far from my first psychotic episode, but it was probably the most severe. I've also been working with a therapist on my agoraphobia issues. He thinks I don't have agoraphobia so much as I have delusions from my schizoaffective. I get overstimulated because of that and panic when I am outside of the house when psychotic episodes happen. I think he's right. I was able to leave the house for 2 1/2 hours today (with my husband) and did pretty well using that hypothesis. It helped me have a plan of attack for when I started getting uncomfortable. Instead of just thinking I'm scared to be out, I told myself my mind was playing tricks on me, and no one was pointing a gun at me, for example. It worked better than usual.
  5. I've been on Effexor for over a year and have not had weight gain attributable to it. I did gain weight on both Geodon and Abilify (anti-psychotics) but not from Effexor. FWIW, I've heard of people who gain weight on Paxil.
  6. There is a very active thread in the OCD section about this. You might want to check it out so you don't feel alone in this.
  7. A lot of people find DBT very helpful, I hope it is so for you! It sounds like you're gonna get a very thorough teaching with lots of support. That's great!
  8. Shmooey

    Locked Word

    Nataya, I'm sorry it came to being in a locked ward, but I hope you're getting the care you need in the open one. You've been waiting far too long for really good inpatient psych care. As always, ((((((Nataya))))))
  9. Shmooey

    Simple Things

    That sounds wonderful, Nataya! Good for you!
  10. Shmooey

    Outside Looking In

    That's how I feel too, my friend, another day lost to mental illness. My dissociation hasn't been *too* bad lately but my schizoaffective has been relentless with the paranoia despite 15 mg of Haldol. I didn't know you could take Zyprexa PRN. It sucks there aren't better options for anti-psychotics. I'm on the old school Haldol because I gained 100 pounds between Abilify and Geodon. But Haldol is not without its own set of side effects. Zyprexa was my first anti-psychotic back when it first came out, and yes, I gained 60 pounds on it that were awful to get rid of. Hope your days are brighter soon.
  11. Shmooey

    End Of April

  12. Haven't posted an update in a little while- I am still on disability from work (short term through their insurance policy), as of January 12. I am not doing much better than when I started. My Haldol got doubled from 7.5 mg to 15 mg and that helped with the auditory hallucinations a lot, but it doesn't help with my delusions or paranoid thinking (I'm schizoaffective depressive type). I see my psychologist every week and thank God he supports me in being on permanent disability since that's what I seem to need. The most I've been out of the house since i started on disability is 9 1/2 hours, spaced over five days in a week. Other than that, I isolate due to my severe agoraphobia. Right now the plan is to ride out the short term disability to their long term disability policy and then start a SSDI claim. I am going to contact a disability lawyer about that (and will likely take you up on your offer to answer questions, T on C). I just feel so hopeless, that this is never going to be better and I am going to continue to decline. My depression is under control with Effexor, but the schizoaffective makes my thinking patterns disordered and keeps me from doing work related skills like problem solving, decision making, interacting with other people, deciphering puzzling situations (there are a lot of those at my job). I have excellent pdoc and tdoc, so that is in my favor, but overall, I think this is it for me employment wise.
  13. Shmooey

    Loosing Faith

    ((((((Nataya)))))) I think you should be honest with your team. You haven't done anything illegal, and even if you were to get hospitalized for a while, it may help you a lot. I know you have your three cats to consider, maybe try to find a good reliable pet sitter before you go totally honest. I'm sorry things are so hard.
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