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Everything posted by LMA

  1. Do I need help? I'll just start by saying I'm a 17 year old female living with my parents. My life is seen as pretty well off, we don't have many family issues and financially we're ok for the most part. I have a select few friends who I love. I'm in love with a man who lives 3000 miles away from me and have been for 2 years and haven't had the chance to tell him, even though we talk online every day for hours, a lot of the time our conversation is extremely sexual, but he's perfect. I'm generally a content person, I'm ok with life itself. However, I have depressive tendencies. A few years back I used to self-harm and be a little bit suicidal and I've always been into the darker side of life. I've never been seen as a happy, energetic, colourful, kind, caring person. I'm over the self harming now, and I would never really do it again. I saw how it made my mother feel and how it looks on my arms and I can see it's not worth it. I have a very short temper, but I'm quite passive aggressive. However, it shows in the way I speak. I find I'm the most aggressive/moody when I speak to my mother. I'm slightly misanthropic, I hate the general public and don't care too much about anyone unless I really love them. Also, I have absolutely NO self motivation. I have no motivation to lose the weight I've put on recently, I have no motivation to study or work even though I know if I don't I'll fail the most crucial academic year of my life. I just don't have the desire to do anything. I stay at home a lot of weekends on my own or with one friends watching movies, and I spend most of my time on the internet or playing video games alone in my bedroom. Escapism is how I like to think of it, but I'm perfectly happy being a hermit. If I have to go out to a social event (a party or anything similar) it doesn't distress me, I'm not the life of the party but I don't despise it either. Over the past two years, most noticeably when I broke up with the first boy I ever loved, and again very noticeably after my grandfather died I've become overly emotional. I didn't really see the breakup and the death as a big life changing factor of my life but something inside me has definitely changed, out of my control: I'm constantly tearing and welling up and I get incredibly sad over things that don't even mean anything to me. I just being crying over nothing: a random song I've never heard before on the radio, some happy news on a fictional TV show that I usually don't even watch, hearing about somebody I have no connection to passing away. All of it, everything, anything, makes me want to burst into tears and I have no idea why. It even happens to me when I'm feeling happy, just out of the blue, completely bringing my mood down. This has been going on every day for those 2 years, it's out of my control. It hasn't died down at all and I'm afraid I'll be this emotional forever, Is there something wrong with me? Do I need help? Am I depressed? Could my hormone levels be abnormal? What can you tell me about myself?
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