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About Want2bemeagain

  • Birthday 09/14/1985

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  1. AquaViolet-Thank you..I did read that about the password protected forum..and I can just PM any admin? LaurynJcat -Yes you sure do sound fit! I think I might do a little research about some of these differet excercises..seems pretty interesting! Thank you!
  2. Thank you guys for your welcoming messages. I think it has already helped to post on here what's been going on..and I've posted on other issues to give advice..it feels good.
  3. I have actually had this happen more than once. It's been a long time but I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. Both times I had been drinking the night before...and was on Paxil at the time. The next day I had the same feeling like something bad happened the night before..my friends on both occasions said nothing happened..and I seemed to remember everything that happened that night. I would also sometimes have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. I had no reason to feel guilty..had no kids or husband at that time in my life..no responsibilites really. Like some had said already, I think it was drinking while being on my meds...I don't really drink much anymore..one or two every once in a while so I'm not sure if it would still happen or not.
  4. Hi..I just started posting here. . and I am making sure I am on here reading and posting a little bit each day.
  5. Thank you for your reply. I can't imagine only having one hour with my child. It's so heartbreaking. My husband is supportive..he doesn't talk much..so getting advice from him sometimes isn't an option but he is a great listener. And if I need anything he would do it if it helped me. I was thinking about starting some yoga a few times a week. Not only for relaxation..but to help with hip problems. Thyroid problems cause depression...lack of energy..and before I can get my meds refilled they do a blood test to check my levels..and they are always fine..the last time those meds were adjusted was after my daughter was born. And have been fine since. I was thinking about taking a daily vitamin..I actually just bought a bottle of one daily women's multivitamins. When it's nice outside we are usually outside a lot. Not so much recently....but my daughter loves riding her bike, blowing bubbles..going for walks, digging in dirt or looking for rocks..playing ball. A little garden is a good idea! Right now, we live in an apartment complex and would need to see about doing that. Thank you again for your reply!
  6. Struggling to live, Hi..I am so sorry to hear about all your pain! I think the volleyball thing is a really GREAT idea! I know it seems easier to just stay at home but getting out and meeting new people will help you! Try not to hope that one outing will solve all problems..unfortunately it doesn't. One step at a time and your moving in the right direction. Even if you just meet one friend at volleyball..that's an accomplishment. And you never know that one friend might later on introduce you to another friend! I think you are taking the right steps and you should be proud of yourself! Your doing things that many others would not be able to do. I understand about your friend. It can be hard to see everyone else advancing with their lives and you feel left behind. But if you keep faith and keep working as hard as you have..you have what you want someday too. You have to meet people first though. Maybe if you sat down an explained your situation to her she could help you. She could be your friend again..and you wouldn't feel so lonely. I'm sure she would understand how your feeling. Maybe she has friends you could do something with sometime..or maybe a guy friend she could set you up with. Again, I know what your going through is really difficult but all of us understand and have probably gone through this same situation or something pretty close too it. Keep talking with us..and trying to find new interesting things to do and keep your head up. We all love you!
  7. I have read in other places about this and have been thinking of trying the same thing. We've never really had a routine..and it never seemed to bother me. Here lately though..I haven't been doing anything at all. But I was thinking if I at least accomplish a few things a day..to begin with..I can put a dollar in a jar for every accomplishment and then after the first week or whatever I can treat myself to something.
  8. So I have dealt with depression off and on for years...the more I read on here..I'm beginning to think it sounds more like being bipolar. Anyway, the main reason I joined this site is because I'm having a hard time dealing with the death of my niece. She was only 4 days old..and just so precious. My brother and his wife had little Miss Ainslee on January 20th and she passed away January 24th. She contracted GBS through delivery which ended up being bacterial meningitis and sepsis. I got to see her on the 23rd at the hospital. And on the 24th I got to hold her before they removed her ventilator..and after that I got to sit with my brother and his wife and their daughter after they removed the tubes and we sat with her until her last breathe. As excited as I was to have her here. . I feel guilty I didn't go see her the first day she was born. I feel horrible my husband and daughter..and the rest of our family didn't get to meet her. When I held her..I couldn't speak to her..in my mind I told her I loved her and how sorry I was that this happened to her. How even though my daughter and husband hadn't met her..they loved her so much as well. It's hard for me to not think about that day. Watching my young brother sit there with his child..whispering words of encouragement in her ear. To see him so happy she was finally here..this kid that turned into a man in the snap of finger..this man that would love this child and take care of her..a man that deserved this child and now she is gone. And I know that everything happens for a reason and God does have a plan and reason why he took her. And I know we'll get to see her again some day. It's hard..when I think about my own 3 year old daughter. If I had only had 4 days with her. I think about the pain my brother and his wife are in. Before this all happened..in July of 2011....my parents..after 25 years of marriage..divorced. My brother is 20 and I am 26. My brother had no idea it was coming..that day he cried and cried..two times within a year I've seen him cry. I one the other hand knew it was coming..and I thought since we were older it wouldn't really effect us as much..it did..just in a different way than it would for a younger kid. I guess the more it sunk in..the more I realized as I was growing up..I wanted my marriage to be like theirs. They rarely fought. . and seemed happy. Dad always worked..mom stayed home with us till we were in school then she worked...and took care of the house stuff. Until it all came out...they both had all this resentment towards each other all these years...for all sorts of things..they never talked about any of it..by the end they both just hated each other. But they ALWAYS but on a show for other people. They were ALWAYS happy around everyone and everyone was shocked when they found up they split. Now that the "ideal" marriage was broken for me..I automatically felt like I was failing at my own marriage. And we were doomed! We've had problems off and on..I believe now actually stem from my crazed moments..I'm not saying it's all my fault but defiantly take half the blame. Anyway, here lately I've been finding it easier to sit on the couch all day and do nothing. I am a stay at home mom with my 3 year old. Normally, I do my job with easy and do a good job. And usually very active with my daughter. But I can't seem to find any sort of motivation. I want to enroll in school in the fall..for some online classes, I also wanted to start a GBS website to raise awareness about GBS in memory of Ainslee..and a few other things I've thought about doing as well but just can't get the motivation to do anything. I've told my husband about all this and he asked me what he could do to make me feel better but I told him I didn't know. Because I don't really know...this time it's started to affect my sex drive. I used to have a very high sex drive..and with in the last month and a half..has basically gone to zero. Right now, we don't have health insurance..so it makes it difficult to go to the doctors. Right now, I do take synthroid for my thyroid problem...and adderal ..for ADD...have been on Paxil in the past..and seroquel which made me suicidal. I also take a baby aspirin daily..do to a DVT 2 months after my delivery with my daughter. It ran from the top of my right hip down to below my knee cap.. If anyone has any ideas or thoughts of somethings I can try by myself at home to make things better until I'm able to see my doctor. ..it would greatly be appreciated. Thank you
  9. Hi..this is my first post on here. I have had battles with depression before..but this time there are a few things that have triggered it...that I'm actually aware of. But I just wanted to say hi, and I'm just hoping to be able to talk about things and vent a little and learn more about depression..and how maybe I can pull myself out of this mess.
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