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Everything posted by onmyown

  1. I've not heard of the professional cuddlers. Definitely sounds like something beneficial in this day and age of cyber socializing. With the massage you should be able to specify what kind you want. I've always been asked if I didn't specify. An LMT should be able to cater to a client's needs, especially since so many of us with fibromyalgia can benefit from a more gentle massage and suffer if someone isn't gentle. Physical therapists are more likely to be working on releasing knots and such and boy can that be painful sometimes. LMTs are more likely to offer a broader range. Boy, now I'm wishing I could get a massage. :)
  2. Hi LemonLime, I can appreciate wanting to be hugged that much. Human touch can be very therapeutic. I wish my insurance paid for massage therapy as well as talk therapy because years ago it was something I paid for once a month as part of my health regime and it was wonderful---I did it because I knew I was short on human touch and needing it. If I had the spare money now or insurance covered it I wouldn't hesitate to find another licensed massage therapist. If you are in a position where it would be possible, I highly recommend giving it a try. Human touch plus a relaxing massage as a bonus.:D Best Wishes.
  3. Waiting on the other shoe to drop? LOL
  4. Someone was speaking of valentine's day? :P That thought luckily is rarely even randomly in my head. hehe
  5. Makes no sense to have a food bank 2 miles outside of a small town rather than centrally located.
  6. Trust extended, schedule arranged to accommodate, and now looks like either no show or may get here too late to get where needed before closing time. A note back would have been appreciated. Instead I sit here as usual, not knowing. Instead of me teaching other people how to treat me, they teach me my time doesn't have value. Rinse, repeat.
  7. I have got to remember that "once bitten, twice shy" rule.
  8. Curtis, you really need to read what you wrote about chat again. I was just giving you information that it appeared you didn't have. The drama is all yours on that if you want to take it personal. I won't bother again.
  9. Curtis, sometimes chat acts up and will list one person or another signing in and out repeatedly. I don't remember the why for it but sometimes it is a system glitch that happens frequently though not to the extent it did yesterday, sometimes it's a matter of someone forgetting they are signed on and trying to sign on again (in which case it normally doesn't freeze up the entire chat, just is annoying.) Sometimes we all or some of us get knocked out of the chat room at the same time for no apparent reason as well. Yesterday was unusual because everyone was getting the message that they already were in chat when trying to enter. It's possible that when I was repeatedly trying to sign in if someone was in chat it would appear that I was signing in and out repeatedly too. It wasn't an individual and none of the regulars are bots.
  10. I don't know where to put this since if there's a tech forum I missed it. Chat says I'm already in chat when I try to sign in. I've gone so far as to sign out of my account and sign back in to the site and I'm still getting this message. Is this just me or are there technical difficulties going on? Thanks!
  11. I wish I could say I've been through worse and made it through, but this is the worst yet.
  12. Over the years group therapies, especially the one that came with a workbook, helped me the most. Individual therapy basically amounted to having a paid listener since friends that vented to me had no desire to reciprocate. When that paid listener didn't want to hear about the past to help me figure out how to deal with it then it became mostly a time-waster. I will mention one specific way an individual can use a preferred type of meditation as a grounding technique in a situation that may be stressful. Many of us spend time in waiting rooms for social services or T appointments or what have you---instead of spending the time thinking about or worry about what is to come, using the time to meditate can make it less uncomfortable or stressful. It does take practice at the start. Since my T was always at least 1/2 hour late I got a lot of practice with it when I didn't have a book or something else to occupy my time. Best Wishes.
  13. I'm enjoying being alone. Sometimes I might feel lonely, but I felt lonelier in my marriages. If other parts of my situation were better I'd absolutely love it---nobody to answer to, nobody to make demands or tell me I'm doing something wrong. Yeah, it would be nice to have some friendships that were more than superficial and maybe go out with people once in a while, but it's not like I got to do that before anyhow. This is my first time not having to cater to anyone else in over 20 years and I'm going to do my best to enjoy it. I definitely will never live with anyone again---the chains are gone and I feel so much lighter. When I was young and onmyown I went to concerts and all kinds of things by myself. True, the people around me at the concerts adopted me for the length of the concert, but I was essentially there onmyown. It would have been nice if those I had close relationships with over the years had treated me at least basically well, but they didn't, so I haven't lost anything with real value. Such has been my life. It would have been nice to have gained my freedom while I still had decent health, but I'll make the most of it anyway. Best Wishes.
  14. Thanks Fizzle. I've been through therapy before so am used to having to take the reins frequently; however, I feel sorry for those new to the experience who get T's that offer no guidance. My memory issues would make what he suggested exhausting even if I wasn't successful. Apparently I've been doing CBT type stuff for years though never knew the term until coming here. I'm sure he's tying mindfulness in and that is probably what he is talking about but other than saying to do it he's offered nothing about how to go about it. Doesn't matter at this point. I'll gather the information I need onmyown and continue to use the tools that work for me, other than therapy since that will no longer be an option for a while. Best Wishes.
  15. Well, I went to T earlier this week. As always he asked me what I wanted to work on that day. Since he knows what's going on in my life and I don't know what he has available to share that might possible help me, my being in charge of the process isn't the most productive way to conduct therapy in my opinion. So, since I only have one more appointment after this one approved I asked him for techniques to ground/prevent or stall and get out of flashbacks or seeming disassociation. To not "reinvent the wheel" he had me list the techniques I knew/used which have pretty much been covered by the different posts from everyone in this thread. The only thing I got from him after that was to be the "observer" of my thoughts, similar to what I experienced in the seeming disassociation. Well, with my known memory issues I would be hard pressed to catch the thought, let alone observe it, until after it was a mass of thoughts. However, for those of us that can remember to do this it could be a useful technique though I don't know I'd qualify it as grounding. Basically, you observe the thoughts as they pass by in your mind and don't assign any emotion to them. I can't even remember how to describe it. So, if someone reading this can explain it better for everyone that would be great. In the meantime, I won't be around for a while since I won't have my own internet access and when I do have access I will have to be focusing on other things. I hope that more people share what works for them, even if it's the same as something already posted, but I'm guessing it will fade away. At least hopefully if someone searches for grounding techniques on DF in the future they find this and benefit from it. Best Wishes.
  16. It is what it is. What does it matter?~~~These can be used for positive or negative growth.
  17. Me, myself, and I for over 50 years...
  18. I write down things before appointments so that I don't forget anything important. I keep them in a notebook or a notepad on my phone like a grocery list and add to it as something comes to mind. I think it's a great tool to use. There's nothing like getting home from an appointment and realizing that XYZ didn't come up so you don't know what to do about it. Best Wishes.
  19. Wow Curtis. So there was a slow day or week on the thread---you at least get support. I risked it and posted on this thread something about myself rather than just supporting others thinking I might get a supportive word or two myself. Did I? No. But I didn't make a big production of it and unfollow the thread. I just decided that it wasn't a place for me to spend my limited energy. So, you've gotten the attention you were seeking. I guess it's worth it since this isn't the first time you've used this method. I'd rather see you model a more positive way of getting attention that others could use as a positive role model. Whatever.
  20. Wow! Away for a day and lots of new posts. Definitely not going to be able to keep up when it's going to be days or weeks in between.
  21. I hope you have a doctor that's up to speed on the different symptoms women need to look for since our symptoms are not the same as the list that's been around for years. That's why I did research online. I'm glad xanax helps you. It was prescribed about the same way for me decades ago but I didn't get along with it or many other meds they tried. Almost lost a job on one of them because it made me appear drunk. I did find something that works for me---tried something I was prescribed during a family crisis time years ago that didn't make me feel bad. The stuff that raises my anxiety anymore is stuff I think any reasonable person might feel anxious over for the most part and right now I've got a lot of things like that going on. I keep reminding myself of that so I don't feel bad about being anxious. Two of the things I remember from my group therapy years ago are: HALT---hungry, angry, lonely or tired---when you are experiencing any of these it can set off anxiety that can be helped by meeting whichever of those needs. The other was "What If'ing" when stuck in what if thoughts finding out how to counter or deal with what pops into mind as the worst case scenario. For the more everyday stuff it's almost automatic for me to catch the what ifs and counter them anymore sometimes without even realizing I've done it until I maybe look back. It does make life challenging when our mental health symptoms are similar to some big physical health issues. Best Wishes.
  22. Hi, I've been there. Major anxiety issues when I was young. I don't know if it's common, but I noticed over the years for me that the physical sensations can come on first---I think it's because we have more control over our conscious thoughts over the years of dealing with it---and then the mental stuff can come after. I've had meds that gave me physical sensations that mimic panic attacks too. If you are a woman of a certain age like me, or even in your 30s, then you need to familiarize yourself with the different heart symptoms for women since your family has a history even if it is the males. I don't remember if the GI stuff is on the list so I don't want to speak out of turn to say that with both I would venture that it's anxiety for you. I actually do have heart issues and have had them all my life. I've learned the difference but some doctors automatically assume a woman is having a panic attack---hence familiarizing yourself. I think Woman to Woman has some good articles about it---you should be able to search with those words. It's possible that subconsciously you have some background chatter going on in your mind and maybe something is bugging you that isn't as easily identified as usual. I don't know how long you've been on xanax. I tried it once upon a time and just couldn't take it because I didn't like how I felt. Could it possibly be a temporary side effect---the not feeling real? Having a blizzard on the way would definitely up the systems for anyone to get them to prepare though many people don't recognize that they feel that way. If there are proactive things you can do to make sure you are ready for the weather, I've found that doing those things have helped me. It gives you a focus for the energy that seems pent up with anxiety. Oh yeah, anxiety and panic attacks are exhausting! Thank goodness that they can't be maintained for extreme periods of time at full volume because they are terribly uncomfortable. I hope you find the right answers for you. Best Wishes.
  23. Lucerne, I can relate. I leave shows on in the background sometimes just to have human voices around that aren't just asking me to do things for them. Now those voices in the background are the only human voices I hear most of the time because I'm living onmyown again. Emails work better for me for business type stuff because I'm having difficulty sorting the words, especially when someone has a foreign accent. Also, then I have a paper trail. But I sure wish that my so-called friends would have called me once in a while, just because, just like I called them. Too late now since my phone will be disconnected soon. Aren't there computer apps where you can talk in real time over the computer (keeping some anonymity if that's desired) that you might be able to use with your friends that you exchange emails and IMs with? That might be an idea. Best Wishes.
  24. I guess my experience was somewhat of a blend of what you both described. My thoughts got jumbled when reading/thinking about this so right now I don't have much to contribute. I had built my ability to extend trust in various degrees but right now I'm trying to process the worst breach of trust I've ever experienced. I can relate though. The only way I was visible when I was young was if someone needed/wanted something from me and that still seems to be the pattern that I can't break---I thought I had but then that worst breach of trust happened. Best Wishes.
  25. Quote from Glee: "They say you have to lose everything to find yourself." Well, I'd rather not find myself then. I don't have the strength to go through it again.
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