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About Blueraaven

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  • Birthday 10/31/1964

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  • Location
    Mount Pleasant, MI
  • Interests
    relief of depression and PC gaming

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  1. I will seriously get outside tomorrow as its supposed to be like 60 degrees out and for this time of year here in MI, that's extremely warm, so I will try ur advice. BTW yes video games are very addictive ... I usually play on Steam - FPS ie. Left4Dead2 and Dungeon Defenders lately, to name a few...can't wait for Borderlands 2 to be released... Thanks for the reply, Peace...Tom
  2. This is my first actual post of my thoughts and feelings in this forum, and I apologize if its in the wrong place to post, as I am new to forums... posting blogs etc. So here goes... in the past few months, progressively getting worst, I feel so lethargic, lazy, and have no goals...which makes me feel lost and hopeless probably for the last few years and getting worse. I don't know who to turn to, i have a roommate but I honestly think he don't understand my type of depression, however lately has been a little more "forgiving" and does not get on my case when i don't do my share of the work around the house... so to escape i get so involved in computer games (actually I feel its a safer alternative than some other options) but their are days that go by that i don't care about anything or even shower, cause I don't plan on leaving the house. for instance it has been about 2 weeks now since I have even walked outside, let alone drive my own car. His (my roommate's) car is broke down and he drives mine leaving me with no vehicle, so that gives me an excuse to not even feel i have to get outside. anyway, I started a new antidepressant a week ago called Viibrym, week 2 is 20mg and so far i don't feel much difference, but i know it takes time for the effects to work, as i have been on antidepressants since I was 18 now am 47 y/o. The Pdr also gave me Abilify and said to try it after I see how the Viibrym works. (Kinda scares me some, because of the TV ads and side effects plus all the other meds I take...I feel I take way too many Medications and somehow they have to interact with each other...the list is too long for me to type out and I hate typing...but I will try. Meds I take: Metformin, Altace, Zocor, TalwinNx, Celebrex Also I take: Viibrym, Valium, Adderall, Sonata I am starting to have side effect of a light dizzying shock-like sensations in my head mostly and throughout my body, either from withdraw from Lexapro or its the Viibrym, not sure. either ways its annoying and hope it subsides very soon. back to what I was saying is, life is so meaningless to me and I have no sense of direction and lost the motivation to do much of anything. my memory is shot...so if my post here is understandable it will be a miracle. so I don't know if anyone can relate, but if u can, I just need someone to talk to that can understand where i am coming from. (I know I need to get back to therapy but I cant afford it right now, let alone my winter heat bills and everything is just piling up and i am sinking deeper... Also I forgot to mention, I have lost so many ppl (family and friends) this last 4 years, I am just weary of everyone dying around me...always in wonder if my number is up soon, I usually say sooner the better, but I want to make sure anyone reading this is thinking I am suicidal, as I am not, but I do think of death on a daily basis. I have attempted suicide in the past, (many years ago) but failed and ended up in the hospital, so I gave up trying and feel it must be my deal in life to suffer thru it... Well, I think I have blabbered on enuf and if anyone has any suggestions or ideas, I would love to hear them...even if you can just relate, it will help me not to feel so alone and stuck in this downward spiral. Thanks in advance for reading this, if u get this far. Peace to all...Tom
  3. I have been on RSDI Disability for Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder now for about what seems close to 20 years....my memory for dates and years is bad...but thinking back it took about 2.5 years to get re-approved.... as I was on it previously for a few years, went back to school, got a job for less than 10 years, had a breakdown, and back on it again ...And I had to hire an Attorney to help, but they take 1/3 of back-pay after approval, I was just happy to get some income, Its definitely a struggle making the bills, which I am so behind and owe so many debts, it makes depression even worse, those of u that live on it know what I mean...
  4. Just wanted to say HI I am a 47 y/o male. I have been suffering depression since I was 18 y/o. been on every antidepressant and been hospitalized many times over the years, to the extent of having several - 6 series of ECT back in the 80's and 90's. I am currently starting a new antidepressant called Viibryd and have "high hopes" that it might be "one" that finally works. been on Lexapro for the last 2 years, only to come to the point to finally telling my Doctor, its just not working...even after he add Welbutrin to it for the last 6 months, (that made me worst) I am so desperate to feel better that i don't care about side effects....just want some relief. I am sure lots of u can relate...well i could go on and on, but that about says it. I stumbled across this forums looking up Viibryd and glad I did..(found this site) I am looking for support and people that can relate to struggling with depression. (as we know some just don't "get it") anyways, Hopefully i can be supportive in some way to someone out there who feels like I do... Peace ...Thomas
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