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Bridgeydidge's Achievements


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  1. I found that Zoloft caused some insomnia when I first started taking it, but this settled down after a month or so. It was probably just my brain getting used to the chemical change. In the long run I find it helps me sleep better.
  2. This is how I've been trying to live lately, and meds have helped me do this. I came to the conclusion that nobody wants to be friends with a chrnoically depressed person. It's a complete drag. So I'm trying to 'fake it' as best I can in the hope that I can become the person I'm pretending to be. This past week, even though I've been waking up feeling sad and not wanting to get up, I force myself to. This week I've been smiling and friendly to everybody, try to get my work done to the best of my ability, exercise and see friends. Then sometimes when I get home I collapse into a state of complete lethargy and sadness and uncontrollable crying, letting out everything I've been holding back during the day. I don't know if this is going to work in the long term, but it's worth a shot at least.
  3. Hi Randomnzguy, and greetings from across the Tasman (I'm in Melbourne, Australia) I recognise a lot of your recent experiences. I recently hit rock bottom with my depression and anxiety, but I think I'm slowly starting to recover. I've been put on medication which has helped me feel better and get through the day but it's not a fix-all. In the past few months have been abusing alcohol and pain medication (codeine) because I felt so miserable and they temporarily made the bad feelings go away. I haven't used illegal drugs but I certainly don't judge you for that. It just shows how desperate we are to feel better in the present moment, that we do things to ourselves that we know are harmful and won't help in the long term. I had a recent experience to you with a psychologist. She made me feel worse than I did when before we started. I felt like she was judging and looking down on me for my drinking and painkiller use. She offered no warmth or sympathy. But I do believe psychotherapy can be very helpful, it's just a matter of finding the right match with the right person. Although I do have a job and I more or less like it, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough for it and fear I could lose it at any second. I don't have a romantic partner either. I had a boyfriend who I broke up with earlier in the year because he was in love with me and I didn't feel the same way about him, even though I liked him a lot. Sometimes I think I lack the ability to fall in love. I've had a few dates since then but I'm not really interested in anybody at the moment. I find romantic relationships very stressful and I've never felt strongly enough about someone that it's been worth it. At the moment I'm feeling ok, but not great. I occasionally have my moments where I feel worthless and wonder the point of going on with life, but thank god these moments pass (probably thanks to the medication) My main problem at the moment the fact that I'm hardly sleeping (I think it's also a med thing) Anyway, sorry to go on about myself so much, this post is supposed to be about you. I just wanted to say that I understand the feelings of worthlessness and feeling like your life has no value. This is what depression does to us. Your brain tells you lies. My brain sometimes tells me I'm the most useless human being that ever lived, but when I'm feeling better I know that is not true. We are not our thoughts.
  4. Spending time with my two lovely cats, Oscar and Polly, is something that makes me feel better. Polly is sitting by my side at the moment as I type on my laptop, and every now and then I put my hand out and she rubs against it. It's very reassuring. I love you can spend time with cats (and other animals) without the fear of being judged or having to pretend to be something your not.
  5. I just checked my new psychologist's website and she's registered with the Australian Psychological Society. :) I have a little bit of experience with CBT but I don't think it did me any good. The whole idea of drastically changing your thinking felt very unnatural and superficial, and the negative thoughts always ended up coming back in some form or another. I'm sure it works for some people, but I don't think it's for me. I've bought a book on mindfulness and read a bit about it online and it seems like a far better technique, and something that I think could benefit from. I'm not familiar with NLP or DBT but I'll do some research on them.
  6. Thanks for your response, Fizzle. From the information on her website, this psychologist specialises in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialetical Behavior Therapy, and Mindfullness techniques. I'm open to trying all of these things, but I also feel the need to have some kind of personal connection with the person helping me. You are right, I do appreciate a warm and reassuring approach, and that has worked for me with people I've seen in the past. I'm not sure if she was really judging me or just being overly clinical, but all I know is I felt a lot worse after seeing her. But it's a very personal thing when you're dealing with such matters, so finding the right person can be a hit and miss process. Since I wrote that post I've found someone else and made an appointment with her soon. From her website I found she deals with a wide range of different techniques including hypnosis, which I've been thinking of giving a try. I actually got to speak to her personally, and although it's hard to tell from a short phone conversation, she sounded friendly, warm and non-judgemental. I'm feeling a lot more positive now and I'm not giving up on getting help through psychotherapy.
  7. Hello, I don't have much to say but I wanted to say thankyou to the poster for writing this. It is very articulate and well-written and I agree with all of it. I was having a low moment and reading this has lifted my mood a bit.
  8. I've already posted a bit about this experience in my introductory post, but I wanted to say a bit more. I've always felt like psychotherapy can be a great help to depressed people, but I'm starting to lose hope in that. Yesterday I had a bad experience with a new psychologist. I won't be going back to her. I walked in feeling not great but ok, and walked out feeling like bursting into tears. It was also very expensive, so I paid a lot of money to make myself feel worse. She seemed friendly enough in the beginning, but clinical, and it felt very clear that I was the patient and she was the professional, and she was doing her job. I told her about some of my self-destructive behaviours and I felt like she was judging me for them. She focused on that and the fact that I'd had suicidal thoughts in the past (Even though I assured her I wasn't suicidal at the moment) She asked me endless questions about my coping behaviours, treatments I'd had in the past, details of my other doctors, and the details of the suicidal thoughts I had. She seemed to have no interest in getting to know me as a human being, or the root cause of why I feel like this in the first place. Basically, she made me feel like a bit of a freak. I want to talk to someone who talks to me like a fellow human being, takes an interest in me and my life, and doesn't judge me. Do you think that too much to ask?
  9. Hi there Kendalyn, I'm a new member too. I've also been suffering from depression and anxiety since my teens, but it wasn't really recognised until my early 20s. I have my good and bad periods, and have been going through a bad one lately. I also have my own experiences with self harm and occasional suicidal thoughts. It sounds like your Dad misunderstands the purpose of depression medication. They are not "happy pills", neither are they a complete solution, but a way to try and correct the chemical imbalance your brain so you can make positive changes and hopefully feel better in the long-term. You wouldn't tell somebody with diabetes not to take their insulin, so why tell somebody with depression not to take medication that may significantly help them? Anyway, welcome, and I hope to see you around the forums soon :)
  10. Hi there, I'm new to this forum. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the Prozac or Zoloft section. Zoloft was AD I was put on, at the age of 22, and it helped me a lot. There were a few side effects in slight nausea and sleepiness, but I could cope with that. The trouble was after a few years it just stopped working. I've been on and off medications since then, I've tried Lexapro, Effexor and Wellbutrin, and none of them seemed to have any effect. Then I tried Prozac, which did have an effect, but a different one to the Zoloft. It made me more energised and productive, and at first I really liked that. I felt good about how much stuff I was able to get done. I was almost hypomanic. But after taking it for a few months there some terrible side effects. I couldn't sleep and my anxiety worsened. The more time passed, the more these negative effects started affecting me, to the point where I just got myself into a terrible state of anxiety and depression and could hardly function. It was then I knew I needed to get off this medication. I went back to Zoloft, the only one that really helped me, and I'm feeling better I just worry that it will stop working again in time. The thing I've been wondering is, since at first I felt so good on Prozac, in the future would there be harm in switching back to it just for a short amount of time, because when I first start taking Prozac it seems to affect me in a good way. And when I start to feel the negative side effects I would switch back to the usual Zoloft. My Doctor said it is reasonably easy to switch between the two because they are very similar (even though they affect me in a very different way) I hope that makes sense, I'm very sleep deprived. Any advice would be appreciated.
  11. Thanks so much to everybody that read and replied to my post. Your support and understanding means a lot. I was pretty low the day I wrote that. Like all of us, I have my good and my bad days. My sleep is still appallingly bad but I think that's because I'm still adjusting to a new medication. I still have moments where I feel very bleak (you know, those what's the point of going on? moments) but they come and go. I know depressive periods don't just go away, you have to work at them, and I'm only at the beginning of my treatment. I'm willing to keep trying new things, medication, psychotherapy, whatever it takes to make me feel better. I have been seeking out professional counselling and this morning I saw a new counsellor. It was not a good experience so I won't be going back to her. I mentioned the recent suicidal thoughts and reliance on alcohol, and she seemed to focus on that for the entire session. I felt like she was judging me for my self-destructive behaviours, instead of trying to get the the root cause of them. She seemed to have no interest in me as a person, and made me feel like a bit of a freak. I felt no warmth or sympathy from her. if I'm going to open up I need to feel some kind of personal connection and feel that they care to some point, not just doing their job. Anyway, thanks again and I look forward to spending time on this forum as part of my journey to feel better.
  12. Hi there everybody at DepressionForums, I've been browsing this site for a while but never posted anything. I've been looking for help for my recent severe depression several places, but haven't really found anyone to help me yet. I have no idea if anybody here will be able to help me, but it's worth a shot. Any feedback would be much appreciated. My name is Bridget, I'm 31 years old and I live in Melbourne Australia. From an outsider's perspective, I have a pretty easy life. I have a lovely supportive family, a job, a place to live (still semi dependant on parents) and I have friends. I've never been through any major traumatic events. But despite these circumstances I have suffered from depression on and off since my teens. I'm not married, and although I like children I don't feel the urge to have one of my own. I've been in one and a half serious relationships in my life, but never actually fallen in "love". I feel like I'm incapable of feeling, romantic love. I love my family, cat and some of my friends, but that's different. But I can't imagine loving a person enough to want to spend my entire life with them. Relationships also feel too stressful and claustrophobic for me. I was born with congenital hypopituitarism, a medical condition not widely understood. It's not life threatening. It means my pituitary glad doesn't produce hormones properly. It is kept under control with medication (replacement hormones) and regular blood tests and visits to an endicrinologist to make sure the levels are right. But the medication doesn't fix everything. My condition causes me to suffer from exreme lethargy at times, insomnia, concentration problems and depression. When I get stressed my brain simply can't handle it, and I mentally shut down. To most people I appear as a friendly, attractive, intelligent, slightly shy but more or less normal girl. I often try to appear as normal as I can and hide the problems that are going on beneath the surface. They are invisible illnesses. I have many interests including music (and trying to make my own) painting, drawing and other creative activities, reading (fiction and non-fiction) travelling, history and psychology. I feel like I have talents, particularly musical and artistic, and I have the passion but not the drive to develop my talents into something great. If only I could find the energy and motivation to practice every day, I know that I could be brilliant at something. It was the same at school. I had the motivation to study and get high marks, and I know I'm reasonably intelligent. But because of my concentration problems and extreme stress I couldn't apply myself in the way I wanted to. My marks were mediocre, my dream of getting into university slashed (even though I had no real career direction) I ended up starting a TAFE course which was completely wrong for me and I never enjoyed, but nonetheless passed. After a year of unemployment and some encouragement from my parents, I decided to go back to study and become a librarian. This time I actually enjoyed my studies, and met some great friends through the course. A few years ago I was lucky enough to receive a job my first real career job as an academic librarian at a TAFE institute. I've enjoyed it more or less, I like the stability of having a job (not to mention money) and most of my workmates are really nice. I feel so lucky and appreciative to have my job I but feel like if my bosses were really aware of how useless I am they would have gotten rid of me ages ago. I know they all like me as a person, but I don't really have the skills that I should have for this position. I'm on a contract and I'm scared it won't be renewed at the end of the year. My depression had been spinning out of control for weeks and and got so bad last week I considered overdosing on the valium my doctor had given me for my anxiety. But I knew in my heart I couldn't do it, because of my Mum. I think it would destroy her. But then in my mind I catastrophise, I wonder if she suddenly died, would I **** myself then? I look at the future and only see the negative. People die, cats die, people get sick, friends move away, friends drift apart. I hate change and the idea of it scares me. I have been on a few different antidepressants. Earlier this year I was put on Prozac, which worked for me in the beginning but ended up causing terrible anxiety and insomnia, which is when the suicidal thoughts started. I've since been switched back to Zoloft, a medication that worked in the past, and I feel an immediate improvement. I'm sleeping better and my thoughts are not racing all over the place as they were. I've also been making other positive changes, I've found a new psychologist, and planning to start Yoga classes. I told my boss about some of my medical and psychological issues and seemed to be understanding and willing to work around it. I still fear losing my job though. After having a few good days, the depression has returned. I know it's my own fault, because I was stressed and self-medicating with alcohol. (Another problem) when the stress gets bad I head straight for the alcohol and don't stop drinking. I know how bad it is for me, mentally and physically, but I can't seem to kick the habit. I feel like my short-term memory is completely shot at the moment, and I don't know if that's caused by the alcohol or the depression, but it scares me. I've also abused painkillers with codeine in them, because the codeine settles down with my anxiety. At one point I got addicted to them, but I'm managing to keep it to a minimum now. When I get really depressed I start thinking there's no value in my life, no purpose. I see the value in life in general, just not mine. I'm not married nor raising any children, not particularly excelling in my job, have no major skills or talents to share with the world, still depending on my parents for a lot and sometimes my depression and anxiety are so crippling I can barely function. When existence in itself comes such a chore, why continue to exist? I know that's very bleak, but it's been what's going through my head lately. Other parts of my brain feel like there are reasons to live, I know I'm capable of experiencing happiness, but at the moment it's very hard to focus on anything positive. Anyway, I'd better stop now. If you've actually read all this, thankyou, I appreciate it. Even though I'm still pretty low at the moment I am determined to keep working at getting rid of my depression. I completely understand if you can't think of anything to say to help. But I thought this was a good thing to try as you guys understand probably understand how it feels better than health professionals, as well meaning as they are. Thankyou for listening.
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