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About tollmeyer

  • Rank
    Junior Member
  • Birthday 12/03/1981

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Victoria , Australia
  • Interests
    Video games, reading, bushwalks, movies, music, helping people.
  1. Seriously, stop. Right now, stop thinking what you are thinking. Stop. I am screwed up. I refuse meds, I refuse professional help. I am in a position where they ask for qualifications, they chose me, i constantly think about suicide, i isolate myself, i am a screwed up nut that has no reason to be in the role I am. I spend each weekend I don't have my son in bed, I'm back to using alcohol as a coping mechanism, I can keep going if you want?!? But, you can do it, you can make it. Regardless of where you are, employment is screwed. Put your best foot forward, if you don't succeed it's not your fault. I am an employment consultant and I can truthfully say, things are fubar, especially in rural Vic, Australia, I have one goal, in two years if I can have a client ready to for work I will be happy, she's in a battle worse than mine. To have her job ready, well, I'll be happy. As to what Phantastic said, don't lie, blur the truth. Your role changed. "due to the current financial climate your role changed to a point where your skills were not being utilized", use that as a basis to elaborate on. You are not a coward, I beat people that had diplomas for what I do. Pretty awesome for a baker by trade, but I was surprised, I thought i stuffed up on the first interview. I was in complete shock when I was rung by a 2nd tier manager and told I had th job. You can do it. FEAR can make you do one of two things, 1: F$@k Everything And Run or 2: Face Everything And Respond. You have trained for what you are applying for, instinct/training will kick in. It does with a role, I have little or no formal trAinging with my role and experience kicks on all the time. PM if you want, I'll respond as quick as I can. You can do it. I'll help you as much as I can. If I can do it, you can do what you are applying for with your eyes closed!!!!!!!!!
  2. Technically I am happier being alone. I don't have to put on a mask of any sorts and can be myself, there's a freedom to it that I suspect you are really noticing. I don't socialize much as I am not going to do something I don't want to do. I see things from a different perspective to most and don't see why I should have to change or be someone I am not. Sometimes doing stuff alone is great. You can get lost in your own thoughts or experience things that people don't because they are too wrapped up in their phones. There's something cool about sitting waiting for train with a ladybird crawling on your hand only to look up and see 30 other people glued to their phones and realise the awesome stuff they are missing out on around them. I believe that everyone has people out there that are like them, they might be few and far between but they are out there. I am yet to find anyone but get hints every so often that there are people similar... even if they on another continent. Even though I did meet someone once that didn't see the tattoo on my forearm as morbid, I should have kept a hold of them if they saw the positive meaning in the saying. I wouldn't say it's dangerous to accept you are alone but to be prepared for days that you might be 'meh', 'down' etc etc. I've spent most of the weekend in bed although I'd planned to do other things and it's been great, after some knocks to me physically with colds and ouchies I don't feel so worn out!!! My knee doesn't feel like its on fire anymore!!!!!! However I did get a little despondent when it occurred to me I hadn't left the house for nothing other than going to the supermarket and not a single person had contacted me (which is normal but once upon a time people would have), stuff like that can knock you about at times.
  3. I enjoyed many aspects of working retail when I was at my worst. I got to have contact with people, it wasn't deep And helped distract me from a lot of things. I do miss it at times, working in a bottle shop was great. Ha, it actually helped me stop drinking especially when you have someone come in drunk, can't afford food but has smashed apart their child's piggy bank for money. Retail in a construction based job, I enjoyed a bit less but that was partly due to management. I didn't hate the people I dealt with, I just came to realize the movie Idiocracy is just a prophecy. And that there needed to be a mass sterilization program or something similar :) I've got no real advice other than to try and use situations at work and apply them in your personal life. It did allow me to work out how to process one simple thing without the 'everything' flooding scenario and me winding up in a ball or having a panic attack. It also helped me learn how to switch off so to speak to most things. Didn't help me with some pretty heavy walls I have built up but I have been somewhat stable for 8 months and can deal with most hiccups. I'll get out of the rut one day but for now I am stable and With my back issues, it doesn't hurt me to spend the odd day in bed.
  4. I don't really enjoy my job but I continue with it as there isn't much else on offer at the moment. I just go through the motions with it each day secretly hoping I will get fired.
  5. I enjoy being alone, took a long time to adapt and now it's partly a defence mechanism to having been burned/forgotten so many times. Admittably there are times when i hate being alone but the fact I am comfortable being alone means I can now choose who I let in to my life and avoid any major triggers that could send me out of control.
  6. I hope you are having an amazing day! : ) ღ Lindsay

  7. NO, flat out no. I would have four drinks to 'loosen up' then at one point I was pretty much a 700ml bottle a day. Your mind set is how I started, not saying your the same as me, just saying that's how I started. It may seem like it helps, but at some point it will all come crashing down. I'm ashamed to think how much I consumed because it 'helped'. I just drink soft drink now, spares me the questions about why I am not drinking as it looks like I am drinking a mixed drink. It's scary how it's the 'norm' to consume alcohol to socialize... Is there a sporting group you can join? If your unemployed is there anywhere you can volunteer? It could lead to some work and/or does look good on resume. I hate the fact I sit around the house each night so I've been playing ps3 and chatting with people while playing. I don't feel as bad knowing that I'm chatting with 4 other blokes doing the same thing.
  8. I was thinking about this today (gave me way to disengage from my things), you mentioned Australia, do you have any avenue to help out a veterinarian? Even in a volunteer way at the end of the day or something as such? There's places like Edgar's Mission Farm Sanctuary that look for volunteers - thought i'd mention it as they have a website so you can get an idea as to what I am getting at here, places like that might help you in getting your foot in the door with some needed experience. Volunteering at place like that might allow you to get some experience or more importantly, a reference to help get a job more associated with what you want. Not only that, sorta shows you are committed to achieving your goal when you volunteer! (or so I am told) Not sure if it helps but it's sort of what I am doing. Changing jobs to something similar to what I want to do and will be looking at the volunteering avenue aswell. Sucks a bit that while I was looking for a job recently that I would come across ads 'no experience necessary' and find down in the essential skills part 'must have 3 years experience'. Happy to help bounce around ideas if it helps you too! Might even help me come up with some in the process.
  9. I've been trying to work out how to, I could jump straight into a diploma but I need to be working in the field or have done another course in the same field. I can't get a job in the field as I have no experience. It's really effecting my mood as I'm trying to be pro active, it's something that interests me and if my get back gets worse its a job I can do. I can't get any government assistance to help with the first course which is frustrating as I need it to do the course to get me going. I'm pushing as hard as I can as I don't want to be on a disability pension in 10 years because my back is screwed, have no qualifications and can't work. I'm really trying to avoid getting to that point and it's effecting my mood that I can't get there. Some of its exhaustion from working through things without any meds (I just seem to react oddly to every medication be it for depression or antibiotics in the last couple years), injuring my back and busting my nut to get out of debt. I just need to work out how to get the ball rolling and I can't think properly/workout how. I'm even trying to get in a basic receptionist role in the field just to help but keep getting knocked back. I don't need someone to hold my hand the whole way but to help me work out a plan to get to where I need to go. Which sounds the same as you, right?
  10. There are times where I can get stuck reading the same thing over and over, or just confused as to what I should write, like really basic stuff. Sometimes it's shows in a game that I play on playstation, I can get stuck in corners, forget what button does what, get killed constantly in it (spend more time waiting to respawn than playing), etc, etc and the next time play in a couple days I'm finishing in the top 3 players each round.
  11. I'm in the same boat really. 31, feel like a complete and utter waste of space at times. If I'd studied harder, got a better VCE score I wouldn't have stuffed my back working manual laborish type jobs, wouldn't be living pay from pay. I'm looking at going back to study, the only thing that interests me is counseling or getting into out reach work but it concerns me that I might not have the strength mentally to get through the course and would I really be any good at it having depression. I'm good at listening, people feel comfortable around me, etc etc, it'd suit me really well if it wasn't for the depression. To do the courses I need to I have to look at moving back in with my mother and it's really playing on my mind. I quit my job and am starting another one in a completely different field and feel so lost, I have no idea why I quit really. Feel pretty pathetic I've squandered so many good chances.
  12. Sort of, I keep the Internet at my place even though I can't afford it due a ps3 game, I can run around for hours in it and find it helps my mood majorly. Somewhat concerned its sequel is coming out and it's going to die a slow death. Short term, I latch onto a different song just about each week for about the same time frame. However, there's some I still listen to regularly, Cigarettes by Illy I seem to play every 2nd day. Tv shows are similar, i get obsessed with a couple of episodes then get bored of the series. Occasionally I might get addicted to a people, but it's generally started and over very quick.
  13. I generally hide my emotions and feelings. The less I communicate or convey what's going on with me the better, I learnt that a while back, suck it up, shut it out and shuffle on or watch everyone scatter. Once I stopped saying I had depression, was down, etc etc, suddenly everyone's back around or contactable, if you get what I mean. Just force being ok. Only really here on DF that Ill communicate how I am feeling and even that's rare.
  14. Back pain is the main one i have. I try not to think about my son unless i have him as that can trigger it aswell.
  15. I sort of don't have to make my own post really, hence why I came on tonight. I feel the same way. My life is basically the same, come home, exercise for an hour, then watch tv or video games until I am tired. A few months ago I did beat myself up about it but have come to terms with it so to speak. I might not be close to anyone or talk to anyone or connect with anyone but at least I don't have any 'fake' friends or people around me!! Eg, they're there for the good times but once there's a slight little bump in the road they are no where to be seen types. Whilst I am a bit lost and don't know who I really am it would be good to be close to someone. I'm not alone as I have family but I am not close to anyone of them.
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