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Everything posted by Acrowley

  1. Leaving the forums forever, email is crowley9595@gmail.com if you want/need contact. "I wanna live, I wanna breathe, but it's a long hard road out of hell"

  2. I'm sorry if I was inappropriate or anything, my mind is jumping from platform to platform at the moment, and I just feel angry and bitter, hence the rant. I think I'm going to leave the website for good now, whatever purpose it had, personally, is gone. Seabeach- Worry not, I'll be ok, and I've saved the numbers relevant to me. Thank you. Waffles- I'm sorry, I realise I must sound like a terrible terrible person. Try to understand, it's not that I don't want to offer support and sympathy, I just think the internet is too impersonal, and I have no energy to try and bridge that gap. Violet- Thank you, and I'm delighted to hear that you have found happiness, I really am. I'm trying the list of gratitude at the moment. Idk if I'm acting hugely self absorbed and important, but I think this is goodbye. If anyone wants to contact me, pm me for an email address, otherwise thank you for putting up with me, and sorry for acting like me. Good luck.
  3. Hi guys. I find myself returning here repeatedly, ready to offer advice and warmth, only to be stumped by the feeling of pointlessness and redundancy that I get. What's the point? I can preach all I like, bottom line is we all stay unhappy. I don't know what this is supposed to be, other than a self indulgent rant. I think it's a general suicidal kind of exhibitionism, and maybe an acceptance that no amount of support will make it past the "trivial" mark in my head. I don't think I'll be on here again, I just want to give in to nihilism and violent angry feelings, I just want to not care anymore and smash everybodies' silly rules and barriers. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid, I just am trying to deal with a very angry, holier-than-thou, insightful part of me, I won't hurt anyone other than me. Feel free to delete this or reply, I don't know what I'm going to do. Goodbye.
  4. Have a big hug and a night in with the people I actually love and want to spend time with.
  5. Escape to a secluded forest/desert island.
  6. Help (I think that's the song name) by The Beatles.
  7. Having a dad that likes to shame/annoy you as much as possible, so that you start having nightmares about him.
  8. Girly- I'd love to, just can't bring myself to for some reason. Feels futile and attention seeking. I'll try write a post later maybe. Thanks
  9. Opening up to someone after being assured they'd care, and being given false hope when they said they could be there. Of course I should have listened to my gut feeling, as I've been treated like something on the end of her shoe, and I'm getting a strong instinct that she'll be talking about me. Sigh.
  10. Suicidal thoughts being stuck in my head 24/7, and not being able to change my mindset. DarkRain- That sounds pretty insensitive of them. I definitely think you ought to talk to them, get the message across somehow.
  11. Also, when I'm in this state of feeling out of control, I can sometimes go all sly and manipulative of people, in a subtle way, which I HATE myself for.
  12. Everybody's Fool, and a little bit of Good Enough by Evanescence. Make Me Wanna Die by the Pretty Reckless
  13. The feeling of not being in control of what your brain decides to do or say, when really happy or down in the dumps, and you mess up something good.
  14. 8. I love her style. Taylor Momsen(Lead singer of The Pretty Reckless)
  15. Question for fellow INFJs: The famous INFJ intuition. Is that the part of you that just knows instantly, in any debate or contentious question, what is right. It's like a separate part dedicated to this job, that just instantly snaps to what you know must be right, because there could not be any other option? (this is hard to explain). Does your intuition get you into trouble when discussing things? My friends are Ts, not Fs, so when discussing anything (piracy for example) they make reasonable logical arguments. Whereas I'm trying to think on my feet, because my argument against their protestations of innocence is that my intuition knows, and when I have this feeling, I just know it's right, even if it is hard to explain why. Hopefully that made some sense to someone, just not the best communicator at times. In case you can't tell, I adore meyers briggs stuff :) EDIT: Wow, there's definitely a disproportionate amount of INFJs. Question is: does depression simulate INFJ personality for people, do INFJs get depressed more, or are INFJs more interested in this poll than other types. Lots of Is and Fs.
  16. Beat me to it. I was just about to post "when the depression gets so bad that you lose control and end up doing stupid stuff or sounding really crazy". Great minds think alike I suppose.
  17. Technically, you are :P No but seriously, just ignore them. Guys can be massive idiots (myself included). Just try to ignore it. I know that I, as a guy, probably don't understand how it feels fully, but try take it as a compliment maybe? :) Feel any better than simply saying "a colleague of mine"? Honest question, don't mean to be smug or interfering :)
  18. Come on girly, you can do better than that! Elaborate, vent. That's why this is here :) DIY. I feel awfully self concious since I'm terrible at it, I can't handle loud noises very well at the best of times, and I feel like it ultimately is pointless. Still, makes my dad happy so it's not the worst.
  19. Acrowley


    Keep talking to us Alex. I've seen some of your posts around, is it a bad night? Let it pass; distract yourself from the haze in your head; keep doing things, sleep, eat, just keep breathing. I want you to stay alive, honestly. Please don't do something stupid. Feel free to message me whenever you need, keep posting on here. It does help, when you make yourself get on it. I'm going to post suicide hotlines here, just in case. Things sounded bad on the other topics you posted on. We are *not* a Suicide Intervention Group. If you are experiencing extreme suicide ideation, you need more assistance than we are qualified to give. Please contact your doctor, your hospital or a local Hotline for immediate assistance. We will be here for you once you are stabilized. Even though we have all, at one time or the other, experienced subtle suicide ideation, constant or continuous threats of suicide hold the potential to adversely effect members. We care about you so very much...We know you are in pain. That is why you must call a hotline now. You need help. You want the torment to end with your recovery, if not important to you, it is important to your loved ones and to us. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please call a hotline. Depression Forums MUST refer you on. This forum is NOT able to provide immediate crisis intervention or professional counseling. You need to speak to a PROFESSIONAL who has the training and resources to offer IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY care. Please, don't wait. Don't put it off. You need to pick up the phone and take action now. AFSP - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Suicide.com suicidology.org metanoia.org/suicide The deaf hotline - 800-799-4889. National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK -- All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline. WWW.HOPELINE.COM WWW.YOUTHLINE.US 1-877-YOUTHLINE 1-877-SUICIDA 1-800-PPD-MOMS 1-877-VET2VET 1-800-442-HOPE 1-800-COPLINE 1-800 55 1800Kids (Help Line [for children under 18)
  20. Thanks man for the reply, feels nice. Just now I'm wrestling myself mentally, going between wanting to ask my friend to talk or something, to feeling like I'd just be being unfair and annoying to her.
  21. mtclmbr gal- I totally relate to that worn down state at the end of the day, I hate it. As for the sadness part, it's not a way to vent or release anxiety for me, since it does the opposite. I think I am drawn to it because it seems more honest, more of a valid way to be. And I want to extend a helping hand to anyone in any state of need, it's a desire to help that borders on obsessive-compulsive. Maybe you're different, I don't know :)
  22. Lisa15- Yeah I think I do. I find that whenever I don't put on a show for people almost, nobody gets me. I come across as shy and awkward. So then I become really animated and excited, and people like me a lot more. It's still me, just a very hyper version of me. Is that what you're talking about? I also took the test many many times, always came up INFJ, even before I understood the results. Didn't stop me from accusing myself of stacking the deck towards the type I wanted though. I'm proud to be INFJ :)
  23. I was thinking on this a little bit. I was reading about meyers briggs typology recently, and I remember reading that me and my fellow INFJ buds are kind of drawn to sadness. That seems very apt. Any other INFJ people notice that they are always looking for people with trouble or sadness, to try help. Or just always keeping an eye out for anything going wrong. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Does anyone get the point I'm trying and failing to make?
  24. I was thinking about the way when you die, everyone goes into shock, and everyone cares. And yet we can be so alone and miserable in life. I decided that most people care, but none of them actively care. I say this because I recently "came out" with depression to a friend. She got extremely upset and worried, which felt good, knowing that someone cared. I was hoping that she could offer some sort of help, I don't know why, since obviously there's no way to get past this easily. But I just need something from her, and the other friends I like and trust. I really nee something, some unquantifiable thing that feels like it's on the edge of my mind, just where I can't figure out what it is. But at the same time I really just want to be left alone, to just curl up and not face into having to keep face or make effort with people. I say this on the brink of a summer in which 9 of 11 weeks will be spent in a sailing and windsurfing centre, where I will be embarassed and ashamed the entire time I'm there, but will have to pretend to enjoy since this is costing my parents a LOT. I know I sound ungrateful for all the good stuff, but the darker type of moods and thoughts have been drawing me in a lot more recently. Still resisting them, no need to worry on that front, but they still aren't nice to feel. I'm going to stop there, because I could go on for a lot longer, but thank you for the chance to vent. :)
  25. INFJ Introverted 73% Intuitive 65% Feeling 70% Judging 52% These percentages could be wrong, done from memory. There is definitely a disproportionate amount of INFJs here, considering we're supposedly 1% of the population. Actually, thinking about it, I think the introversion might have been higher, I'm not sure.
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