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HopefulInNY

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  1. Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums and this is my first post. I'm not sure where else to turn. I've been living with depression for a few years, and in January I made the stupid mistake of thinking I was fine and going off my anti-depressants on my own. Well that didn't work too well (as you can imagine!) and about a month later I had an emotional breakdown and had to leave work early. I went back on my medication, but it's taking a while to kick in and since then I have had a few bad days. Yesterday was a really bad day. I just felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin at work, and I could barely function or concentrate. I'm in the process of interviewing for another job, and I'm not even excited about the prospect of something new and that upset me. (I have lots of issues with work - I've had so many different jobs since I graduated from college due to me being fired, laid off, or leaving on my own, and though I've been at my place of work for over a year and doing something very mentally stimulating, I can't stand it. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm just a lazy person who hates working.) I just don't see any light at the end of the career tunnel. I kept randomly crying and was very sensitive all day, trying to hide from everyone at work so I wouldn't have to put on a fake face for anybody. I was texting my husband about my feelings all day. When I got home, I was in bad shape. I spent most of the night sleeping and worrying about my depression and getting myself worked up, sobbing when I started thinking about how I've pushed so many friends away and how I hide what I'm really feeling from my friends and family. I know I think too much. The only person I don't hide from is my husband, but as loving and supportive as he tries to be he doesn't understand my depression and becomes very frustrated when I get upset and can't explain why. I don't blame him. I guess if I were him I would wonder why I'm wasting all my time with someone who brings me down like this and doesn't appreciate anything I do for them. He has given me a wonderful life, bought a beautiful house for the two of us and provided us a great living. He even got me a dog (and he hated dogs!) that he has tried to and succeeded in enjoying as well. He is wonderful, but when it comes to my depression he doesn't know what to do. Last night he sat next to me as I sobbed in bed, rubbing his forehead silently. He said he didn't know what to say, and he brought me my favorite snack to cheer me up but we didn't talk much for the rest of the night. I don't know what to do...I try to talk to him about it but it hurts him so much to see me upset that I know he just wants it all to go away. I sent him an article today about coping with a depressed spouse hoping it would help him. I don't know if he's researched depression at all, but I get the feeling that he is just trying to not think about it and hope that I return to my cheerful self soon. I believe he thinks that I think about it too much and spin out of control and that if I stopped thinking about it it might get better, which I suppose could be partially true. I like being in control and I don't like victimizing myself, but this is really hard. Has anybody been through a situation like this? Does anyone have advice about what I should do? I don't want this to keep getting worse throughout my life and ruin my marriage. Thanks for reading this! - Laura
  2. Hi everyone, My name is Laura and I'm new to the forum. I'm in my twenties, happily married, and I've been on meds for depression for almost a year now but I feel like when I'm having a hard time it's difficult to find anyone to talk to who understands what I'm dealing with. I have great friends and family, but no one seems to know what to say about it. I'm hoping these forums can help. I'm looking forward to talking to you. Thanks for reading this! =) -Laura
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