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About Zareena

  • Birthday 03/15/1990

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  1. Juda: I'd prefer to keep the counselling as a last resort, since I really wanna wade out of this myself. Thanks for replying. @foghorn: Yeah, there are two people who I shared this with, they both are on close terms. The "whiny" bit is tricky. Often you can't know who to trust for future, and thus opening up to them bears risk of making you the butt of behind-your-back jokes. Also, a greater fear is that I might come off as "needy" or "clingy", when I'm anything but. Its natural to fall out or have arguments in friendships or even to break up, but it's the "abandonment" or "silent treatment" that I dread. Your example was bang on. Only that my vigilant behaviour had begun to wear off, when the events of the past month jerked it back inside me.
  2. THAT'S the difficult part, Oph. I try to be frank, but my mind urges to suppress them out of fear of appearing 'whiny'. How do I remove that block? More importantly, how do I break out of this thought pattern?
  3. Like I said, its an illogical paranoia. One of my close friends had stopped talking to me after a brief misunderstanding. And at the same time, I was cut off communicating from another friend. Though now they both are back on radar, the time period made me revisit my earlier hell. And now I'm scared to say anything that might be interpreted as displeasing to their ears. You get it?
  4. ^Are you actually serious? I'm not joking by the way. This ain't a joke for me.
  5. Hi Ophelia. No, nothing actually happened, but last month I seemed to be getting into fights/losing touch with almost all my friends. Its all returned to normal now though, but that aint the real problem. Btw I've a history of sorts where I'd once been abandoned out of the blue by two best friends. That was eons ago, and I was in shock and had even developed anxiety for a while, though got over it in time. But the events of last month somehow caused that long-gone anxiety to resurface. I'm just afraid of confrontation. I'm feeling so embarrassed. I want to kick it off, but it seems to have taken a strong hold. Its so ****ing baseless.
  6. Whoa, whoa whoa! I'm going through the EXACT same phase. In ALL exactness, save the fact that I'm not GENERALLY like that. I know what it feels like, i.e., it sucks dog balls. Its almost like being in emotioal jail, where you get thrashed freely but even the thought of retaliating is frightful. I'm afraid there's NO easy way out of it, save to mentally "push" yourself to assert. Take a break from your friends for a while. Make up any excuse, but what you urgently need is Solitude to think things over. Sit with yourself and think hard about why exactly the onus should be ONLY on you to maintain friendships/relationships. Think neutrally, from an outsider's perspective. That'll lead you to advise and even rebuke yourself, the way a true best friend would if they heard you out. Trust me, that'd be the best and most effective way to put things in perspective and convince you not to take things lying down. All you need is to make yourself hear that "voice" "knocking sense into you" and "telling you to get up". YOU need to be that voice to yourself, as if you were advising a friend on a similar problem. It'll work to a great extent. Try it. Good luck.
  7. I really, REALLY need to get over this. I'm generally not like this, but for the past one month, I find myself trapped in a place I want to get desperately out of. I'm becoming increasingly fearful of losing friends. I'm even afraid to fight with them, and even a little argument causes me to worry about how they felt. Often I go back, call them back even when they were wrong. Inversely, its affecting my ego and self-esteem badly, and making me feel like a wimp. WTH is happening to me? I can't go on like this anymore. I BADLY need to shake it off but can't seem to. My mind is gradually becoming a pressure cooker. Help!
  8. And this is deepening just recently. I feel like I perpetually want to be in a time space where all I want to do is think about (whoever I'm obsessing over) and rant, curse them, shed tears, and again "make up" with them. I just can't get out of it.
  9. But the thing is, I get into depression when their image is destroyed before me. And I brood over it like a silly fangirl. Wanna stop it. Feel useless.
  10. Yeah. And, for some reason, I get "envious" of people who have had the chance of knowing them personally.
  11. I get this way regarding dead people more. Do you think this could be a confidence issue?
  12. I tend to share this peculiar obsession about famous figures of public reverence. Whether they're just "pop" celebs like an actor or singer. OR a figure of intellectual reverence such as a literateur or artist who's a cultural icon. I sometimes tend to think about them obsessively for a few days, and look them up the net like crazy. I constantly think about how great that person is/was, and what it would be like if I could meet them, or fantasize about how it would be to be related to them, HOW d*** lucky are the people who happen to be related to, for instance, a Shakespeare or a Tagore. Or with a famous person who makes me nostalgic(e.g., my favourite childhood writer). When I get tired of being in awe, I try to dig up dirt on them and when/if I do, it leaves me sad and frustrated.Why does this happen? How to get rid of it? Share your insights please.
  13. This is exactly what was happening to me as well a few weeks ago. Drowsiness all the time despite getting enough sleep, and a general uninterested feeling. I got rid of it after stimulating my mind a bit--reading more serious books and avoiding too much comfortable settings at home. Try them, might help you.
  14. @Chromatic: You seem to have developed a kind of "Depressive Nostalgia". Have you ever shared the feeling with somebody, or done something like see a counselor? Nostalgia, even painful nostalgia can be delicious, but you seem to have a overdrawn case of it which may scar you subconsciously in the long run. Is there some pain or regret in those memories which hurts you?
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