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Dreamer451

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About Dreamer451

  • Birthday 09/21/1989

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Chicago, IL
  • Interests
    I love dogs, they don't judge you. And I express myself through photography and drawing. I love tattoos also.

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  1. You sound oddly like myself. I'm 22. I was first diagnosed with depression at age 12. Which was when I was hospitalized for the first time. I attempted suicide by for the first time at age 14. Hospitalized again. Multiple half-assed attempts throughout the years. Self-harmed at age 17. Hospitalized and sent to a residential treatment facility. I'm too terrified to attempt again with the thought of failing again. The treatment and reactions of people around me are torturous enough to make me not want to fail. I've seen countless therapists/psychiatrists and have been on countless medications for countless reasons. I'm currently not in any treatment mainly because it's been a waste of time and money. I would love to try and work through this with you. It may make it easier for the both of us knowing we aren't alone. You have my full support and prayers.
  2. This is my first post on this site. I am 22 and have been dealing with a boatload of emotional issues for the last decade. I've been treated for depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, social disorders, bipolar disorder, insomnia, self mutilation and mood disorders. I have seen countless therapists at multiple psychiatric wards and residential treatment facilities and have been perscriped to pretty much every anti-depressant I have ever heard of. Everyday is a struggle. Waking up is my worst nightmare. I hate going to sleep knowing I have to wake up to another day. I loath people; what they are and what they do. I am unable to maintain a job or stay in school because everytime I walk into an environment with people, I consistently feel like I am being judged or looked down upon. At 22, not being able to have a job or a degree has left me in my parents house, in an environment where no one understands the severity of the thoughts running through my head. According to everyone around me, I am only being dramatic and need to "suck it up" and be a responsible adult. I think about suicide hourly. I have attempted multiple times. The reason I haven't tried again is because each time I have attempted and failed, the outcome has been unbearable. I only want to do it again if I know it will work. I hate seeing what I do to my family when they see me like this. I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy who understands that I have issues, but he doesn't understand how much I can't stand living. I have put him through more suffering than I would wish upon my worst enemies. We have gotten in arguements. I am also plus size. My confidence in myself has been pounded to dirt because of the environment I was raised in. I was raised in a very rich, plastic town where you are bullied and hated if you weigh more than 100lbs. To give you an idea, my high school is the school that the movie 'Mean Girls' was based off of. My father attended Harvard and Brown and the fact that I can't even get through a year of college has devastated him into being an alcoholic. He blames me for his emotional pain. I could continue typing for hours, but no one would read it. If this sounds familiar to any one, please let me know what you have done to overcome the pain.
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