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About Rik_Head_Black_Dog

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  • Birthday 04/03/1988

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    Manchester, United Kingdom

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  1. Thanks guys I really appreciate your replies. lukn4hope: Can I ask how long did you give it on the meds that didn't work before you switched?
  2. Hi, I have been on Citalopram (4 weeks on 20mg, 10 days on 30mg, 4 days on 40mg) and I haven't noticed any improvement in my symptoms for severe depression. I had a bit of insomnia in the first couple of weeks but that passed. Since then I haven't noticed any worsening or improvement. Just nothing. I tried 5-htp that also works on serotonin for two weeks and that did nothing. So I'm thinking will all the other SSRI's be in-effective? I'm going to see my doctor again in just under two weeks and I'm thinking of asking him to prescribe me Wellbutrin (targets dopamine). Ideally I would prefer answers from people who have tried a few AD's without any improvement and then they found one that showed noticeable improvements. Thankyou.
  3. Did you question the way you felt? Like am I really feeling better? I suppose its hard to understand what feeling good is like because you haven't for so long.
  4. I'm sorry to hear that you keep relapsing. I suppose the one comfort you can take is that at least you have a definite safeguard against the monster when it returns. How many weeks was it before you started to see improvement in your symptoms? Yes it is almost impossible to be optimistic in the depths of the depression. It makes sense that you have mostly negative thoughts when your mood is so low all the time. Thanks for sharing. I will keep you all informed and I hope to improve fully so that I can encourage other people in a similar position as myself.
  5. If anybody else can share their experiences (preferably positive ones) I would really appreciate it. Thankyou.
  6. No, I had no positive effects from any antidepressant except citalopram, just side effects. Yes, it was noticeable when I began to improve. I'm not sure how to answer the question about how long it was before I found relief. I felt better the first week that I took the citalopram (but that's not typical). Citalopram turned out not to be enough so my doctor added other meds. Now I'm doing well on my cocktail. Keep in mind that I am highly treatment resistant. If you are having a problem with negative thinking, I encourage you to go to therapy again, especially with someone who is trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy. The time will probably come when you will no longer need meds, but the skills that you learn in therapy will be with you for a lifetime. Great thankyou for sharing this. So essentially you are still suffering from depression but its manageable now? Your not completely symptom free? In terms of the counselling, CBT etc I realized that I would need to find an effective AD for me first. Words just seem to bounce off me right now because I am so low all the time. If and when I do I will start up my talk therapy again. Jim - Thanks for sharing. Just one question though, SSRI's only work on serotonin not the other neurotransmitters, no?
  7. I'm a SGI Nicherin Daishonin Buddhist (it is completely different to more conventional forms of Buddhism) and have been pretty much all my life. Before I fell into this crippling deep dark depression my faith got me through some tough times (I really felt and believed it did). However, once this started happening I chanted like crazy to find answers as to why this is happening, I was given guidance by MANY members (some who also have suffered from depression), I attended many meetings, I did everything I could. Basically I didn't stop in my practise. However, my faith gave me zero answers. It didn't/doesn't help me feel better in the slightest and I have virtually zero belief in it now. Its scary because before my faith was very strong (I did have my doubts but they dissapated fairly quickly) and I was the one who would encourage flagging members all the time. It feels now like I'm just performing lip service to a piece of paper in a box. However, I know that we are tested in this practise. The dilemma is how do I get "actual proof" which is a term used to find actual proof in your life of the practise working and how do I know if its just the devil of the sixth heaven testing me? Quite honestly, I think to myself how can a Buddha who has honestly contributed ALOT to this organization suffer so much?? I must have slain a whole village of people in my last life. Everytime I go to a meeting it is extremely painful to listen to the members and to have to talk about my depression (every meeting) but I still go because I kind of feel obligated. To them facing obstacles is just lovely and fun (I used to feel like that!). To me this isn't an obstacle. Its completely unneccasary suffering and seems to have no end. The one thing I can say is I think the depression is to blame for my lack of faith. I don't believe in anything really now. When I feel great I can enjoy the meetings, chanting, talking with members etc. If I'm in this deep dark depression its just torture. To be honest, I haven't been out of my depression long enough to re-evaluate my faith. I kind of think that religion and faith is all down to one thing: belief. If you truly believe that something works for you it will work. If you truly believe chanting "meatballs and pasta" over and over to a picture of John Lennon is going to make you happy it probably will. As I said I haven't been out of my depression long enough to see whether its just the way I feel that is making me think the above.
  8. Thanks for sharing your experience. So did you have like zero positive effects on all the other meds? Was it very noticeable when you started to improve on the Citalopram? Sometimes I do wonder how much of how I feel is down to my defaulting negative mind. How long was it before you finally found relief? Sorry for all the questions!!
  9. Hey guys, This is the first time I've ever written about my battle with severe depression on the internet. I have read almost everything on the internet (seems impossible!) about depression, mental illness, treatment etc. I've read 'The Noonday Demon' by Andrew Solomon and 'The Devil Within' by Stephanie Merritt. I have been sufffering with this illness for over 6 months but it has felt much much longer than that (you can all attest to the fact that time seems to slow down in the darkness). I have tried various alternative treatments (some I probably didn't try for long enough) such as: homeopathy, st johns wort, 5 htp, B vitamins, excercise, counselling (only had two sessions), aromatherapy, hypnosis, chanting/praying (I am Buddhist), positive reinforcement (this probably worked the best out of the lot). Now it got the point were I just thought "I cannot go on any longer like this". The darkness was severly hindering me from living my life, I had suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. It sort of climaxed on New Years when I got very very drunk and did some stupid things. Thus, I relunctantly made the decision to enter the world of psychiatric medication (even though I was staunchly against it and was terrified of the side-effects) so that I could find some relief to which I could then start to rebuild my life. So to get to my point, I was prescribed Citalopram (20mg) by my doctor. I have been taking it for 19 days (2 weeks and 5 days) and so far I haven't noticed any improvement. In terms of side-effects I was fortunate as I just had some insomnia which seems to have died down. I think my sex drive has decreased further (although it was very very low before starting the AD anyway). The only positive I noticed (which I think is psychological) is that I have been a little less hopeless (see how I view it as "less hopeless" rather than "more hopeful". haha) because I do believe in AD's (how could these drugs not be effective if they can cause so many side-effects AND alot of people only seem to improve after many weeks). Basically I just want to ask a couple of questions... 1.) For people who have had complete remission from taking Citalopram for SEVERE depression how long did it take for you to feel better? Also were you very skeptical about it working? 2.) How did you know that you were actually getting better? Was this not just placebo? 3.) Did you just wake up one day feeling much better or did it gradually improve? I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement. To say these last six months or so have been pure hell is a gross understatement. I just want my life back. Thankyou, .Rik.
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