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About Jessicabaldwin

  • Birthday 06/18/1990

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Ontario, Canada
  • Interests
    I'm a photographer, a writer, crafter. I love to read in my spare time, I can usually finish a novel in a day or 2 if I'm really into it. I'm an animal lover. My two cats are my babies and make me smile.

    I suffer from depression and anxiety and OCD. recently these have been causing major problems in my life but I try to keep myself positive as much as I can.

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  1. Yes, they do. And the sad part is so does he. He knows what happens when he does things like this. He knows I'd starve myself, he knows I'd loose thing and I cry and panic....
  2. same. But, then I went to a therapy session and the truth set me free. The abuse is clouding your mind. Don't go around cats, if you have one... Maybe have someone else take care of it for a while? You need to heal and lick your wounds, you can't take care of anything temporarily... Well you would if you had to, but it's best for you to just get better. Has anyone from the circle of friends tried to reach out to you? No one has
  3. People I spoke to called him a coward, his friends said it was in his best interest saying I was the abusive controlling and manipulative one because I had a ocd relapse here and there
  4. I've become a very hateful person, I would never raise a hand to an animal, I love animals but now the slightest meow from them sets me off
  5. I try but i cant afford one. I look into those ones that do it through skype but they are still two expensive...and I dont really have any coverage at the moment. I scrap what I can for my meds. He took everythingm the friends I made through him, my nieces and nephews....I love them so much....they're such sweet things especially the new baby
  6. Just how can he throw so many years away....when a week before he said he was looking forward to marrying me one day....I just dont get it....I know because of things that happened oin elementary he tends to close himself off when he feels like he's being hurt....but what hurts is he's getting too close to that girl he said he considers like a little sister...if he ends up dating her it will destroy me
  7. He thinks he's a fool for staying so long instead of realizing we all make jealous mistakes here and there when we are infatuated. I also have OCD and it controls my jealousy when it puts images in my head that I cant control...I wasnt on my meds for a week around my birthday because I couldnt afford them...I hate myself....
  8. What's worse I can't celebrate my birthday anymore...I'm not looking forward to any more birthdays
  9. I actually opened myself up to him, showed him a side of me no one but me knows about because I been taken advantage of too many times. And rather then understanding the transition of infatuation into real actual love that can be built rather thne based on feelings alone he decides to run
  10. Here to update on things: I'm not doing so well. I have lost a great amount of weight and I weigh 93 pounds now compared to six weeks ago when I weighed 130 pounds before he disappeared. I feel like absolute trash. My old friends who tormented me for years I found out they heard from one of my friends what had happened and one had posted on her tumblr laughing and saying that this was what I deserved that he finally realized Im a horrible person and that she hopes I'm hurting and that I die. When I try not to dwell on all this, it sneaks up. I was in the middle of jogging the other day to try and clear my head when I had a break down in the middle of the park. I feel more then heart broken, I feel like the last good thing I had in my life aside from all the abuse of my family and others. Thing is...he suddenly added me back to MSN but he hasnt spoken to me yet...It's almost like he;s taunting me. He added me three days after deleting me from FB and deleting our photos...
  11. I feel like trash right now. I dont know what to think...I got in trouble today because out of anger of not wanting to see my reflection I broke the vanity mirror in my room not wanting to see the weak woman looking back at me....I've lost 50 pounds in 4 weeks....my eyes look so black around them I look like Im dead....
  12. My friend just told me, when she went to his FB, I talked her out of lecturing him, said he added his mother. For the last eight years he never did that....not the past five months since she saw our pictures and posted "Mothers not sure what to think of this" she always hated me, because I have a learning disability, OCD and other emotional problems...she wants the perfect girl for him and Im too imperfect in her eyes...and my OCD is now making me obsess about whether or not she had a cause in it...
  13. He's disappeared before. But each time for 28 hours then came home and apologized he was hanging with his friends. I thought he would cool down, so I gave him the day to do that but I never got my morning text, I always got an "I love you" text right before he got to work every morning...and when I didn't see that.... That very night on my birthday I fell asleep for an hour before I woke up screaming from a nightmare about him with another woman, and since then I havent been able to sleep well I curl up clutching my stomach in pain and lonilness and fear. He called himself an honourable man and that he would never do this. I went to a friend of his and I got a rude comment back and said it was in HIS best interest to run away from someone like me
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