I finally subscribed after reading different topics and always wanting to jump in. I have been "at this" now for about 26 years, but it was only 10 years ago I was finally diagnosed with bi polar disease. I feel like an old hat at this, but why can't I get a grip on it? I am STILL in the midst of a depression, getting out of major depression, and I suspect one of the medicines and or the depression has made my mind Swiss cheese. I am 44, single mother, unemployed at the moment and just can't get it together to get back to work. Kids are 12, 11 and 10. And we have a typical love hate relationship due to my poor parenting skills as a manic depressive. It just seems like I have finally gotten off the roller coaster and am dealing with the devastation and seeing my life and who I am for the first time. I feel ... Arrrrggggghhhh...frustrated. And it scares me.