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leebux

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Everything posted by leebux

  1. Hi Amber, I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I think it is good that you have opened up here. Feeling the hurt is the first step to letting go. Therapy will help you deal with this . You are strong, brave and bright. We are your friends and perhaps you might find that here are some nice people in the world. Don't let your past dictate your future. You deserve to be happy. Good luck on your journey. Leebux
  2. In Australia, it depends on your age. If you're an adult, your GP can do a test adn offer medication if felt appropriate. A lot of Drs refer to s Psychologist or Psychiatrist and then medicate. Depends on the Dr and their experience and knowledge of depression. A psycholigist and psychiatrist diagnosed and medicated my daughter. My Dr diagnosed and medicated me. Just depends. Good luck with your choices. Leebux
  3. Hi Michelleb, I totally understand at least some of what you are going through. At 15 1/2, our daughter was diagnosed with psychotic depression and anxiety. SHe differed in that she recognised the symptons ( after 3 yrs ) and asked for help. We didn't even know there was a problem because she hid it so well. My heart breaks for what you and your husband have been through. I didn't have to be hospitalised, but have been diagnosed and medicated with major depression, due to the stress and anxiety of trying to deal with and help her. I think you need to go away as planned. I was told for a long time, and finally believe it, that if you are not looking after yourself, you can't look after her. I too have cried a river for what I can't do for her. If she wants to come with the boyfriend, let them. HArd as it is, try to act normally. My daughter has since told me that it bothered her to see me upset. SHe felt that it was her problem, so why would it impact on me. SHe felt that I was competing for attention. (bizarre , I know) I sometimes wonder, if some of it is the girls just don't want to take their mother's advice. My daughter felt I was trying to control her. She didn't see it as caring. She is trying to grow up and be independent and deal with a horrifying illness. They are thinking though a disease. I'm sure your daughter doesn't hate you. I thought my daughter did for ages, and then apparently that is how she coped.She doesn't know what to do or what to think. I don't know what you can do at 19. Be there if she needs you, and if you have fears for her personal safety, contact the professionals. I'm in Australia, so am not sure what your country medical system is. Perhaps she is being rebellious and this is how she is showing it..I have come to realise that as my daughter yells at me, screams at me and says some very hurtful things, she does this, because she is transferring her anger, pain, etc and also deep, deep down she knows that I will always be there for her. Your daughter may feel ( unconsciously) that by distancing herself from you and your husband she can ignore the problem. I haven't really given you any actual advice, but try and look after yourself. Sometimes you have to wait for her to make the decision to take her meds. Does her college have counselling available? That might be less threatening for her. Perhaps she might need to try a different medication. A review may be in order. I suppose the best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open...and that doesn't mean giving in t her every whim. She is also playing the guilt card when asking for things. SHe is stil a child trying to wrok out how to be an adult. Please be aware I give this advice, knowing that nothing will make you feel better. I know. My thoughts are with you and if writing here gives you a coping mechanism, then do it. Everyone here is really nice, and has a different point of view. Someone may be able to give you something new to try. I'm glad you found us. Message me if you need to talk privately. I love my daughter, but she has really tested me, my husband, our marriage...etc. Perhaps counselling for you may help. I have found it helpful at times of breaking, to ring help lines and talk / cry into the phone. I should have shares in tissues. Please don't think I'm being flippant. I so get where you are. The feeling of helplessness , guilt, fear, anxiety are overwhelming. I wish you the best with your journey Keep in touch Lesley xxx
  4. Dear Jamiew, Well done on taking action early. Your daughter is too young to make these decisions for herself. She wouldn't be a child if she didn't resist therapy. That is normal. I'm glad you found a therapist that your daughter can relate to. All you can do is to encourage her to keep in contact with her friends. As a parent of a depressed teen and a teacher, have you mentioned this to the school? There is nothing to be embarrassed about, and they might be able to keep a careful, yet distant eye on her. Just a thought. Best wishes to you both. Keep us posted on your progress - both forwards and backwards. It helps to talk to others. It saved my sanity. Leebux
  5. Dear Insanityx, Welcome :) My experience with psychotic depression is through my daughter. She anxious, a stressor and a high achieving perfectionist. Don't know about you. SHe only asked for help, after experiencing hallucinations for 3 -4 yrs. She saw shapes out of the side of her vision, moving on to hands and shapes coming to get her. They appeared at any time and anywhere. Generally she felt safe in her room. She always knew they weren't real, and scared her because she didn't know what was happening. After a PE lesson on mental health, she thought she may be bi-polar or schizophrenic. When she eventually was diagnosed with psychotic depression, she was relieved to know that she wasn't insane. CBT therapy with her psychologist helped usually. SHe started on Lovan (prozac) and it worked for her. I'm not sure if this helps, but thoughts are with you. Your parents may not have realised the depth of your problems. We had no idea, until our daughter told us. She kept it well hidden. Well done for seeking tratment. Leebux
  6. Cute :) 1.He listens to me when I need to vent and never criticises. 2. He loves me for who I am - physically and mentally . 3. He helped me produce my beautiful daughter. 4. He is my best friend. 5. I know he will always be there for me, and I for him.
  7. Hi ghost 4, Welcome. There are plenty of people here in a similar situation. We all either suffer from, or have partners, friends or children with depresision or other mental health issues. I think it's great that you have joined to learn more. Education is understanding. Have a browse and hope to hear more from you and maybe your girlfriend Leebux
  8. Wish I could say something more positive than hang in there. Each day is a new one. It will be very small steps and it may take a long time. You need to try and look after yourself. Hugs and thoughts are with you Leebux xxx
  9. Hang in there. Everything takes time. Why don't you start your journalling, as that sounded like somthing that you would enjoy. Even a walk around a park would help. Hugs to you Leebux
  10. Hi Eeby, I'm on Pristiq and can give you my experiences. I was prescribed it for Major depression. I had no qualms about trying anti-depressants as my daughter had been on Lovan (prozac) . If it hadn't worked, then I wouldn't have lost anything as far as I can see. I also saw a psychologist, but in the meantime had a few realisations that sorted my head out in combination with the meds. I had some mild side effects with the Pristiq to start with. I was actually very tired and quite nauseous. I seemed to be continually yawning. I felt a lot better quite quickly. My husband said it was nice to see "the old me". I didn't seem to break into teats all the time over nothing. Give it a go after you talk to your Dr, If it is not the right meds for you, then you can change. If it does work, you will feel a lot better nad therapy will also help. Do you have any hobbies that you do to help you relas. I line dance and scrapbook. I don't do either very well, but the people are lovely and I have made some great friends. Give yourself time to heal. Good on you for getting help. Keep us posted Leebux
  11. You HAVE NOT failed her. Her life is the most important thing at the moment, and if she is incapable of looking after it, you have to. She may not like you at the minute. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you. You have done what you think is right. That is all a parent can do. Unconditional love doens't always mean we can make our kids happy. When they can't, it is our job to keep them safe. Isn't it better to be an annoying mum ( and we've all been there) with a living daughter, than the alternative. You would never forgive yourself if you didn't do something and her condition worsened. Keep us updated on her progress. You are doing a great job and are a fabulous, caring mum. You have made a really hard decision and that takes tremendous courage. Hugs to you all Leebux xxxx
  12. Dear Narwhal, You are having a tough time at the minute. I am not in America, so have no idea what your rights are with regards to your depression. That will be something others may be able to comment on. I am, however , the parent of a teen with depression. Our daughter is the opposite of you, in the fact that she chooses not to talk to us. Your parents ar probably from a generation where "depression" didn't exist. People were told to get over things. The other side if the coin is your parents might be feeling confused and / or guilty. I know, that even though I have no control over my daughter's depression, and didn't cause it, I still feel incredibly guilty because I can't fix things. They may not even realise it. I think the best thing you can do is to vent here and to other people. Let them go and if they ask, then answer. I don't feel tht I've been any help, but we will always listen here. Good luck Leebux
  13. She may need to talk to her therapist about changing her meds. If you are in ant doubt as to her safety, call someone. SHe may not like it now, but she may not be thinking logically. Ican only offer support. I have no real ideas. Have you told her that you realise she needs her space, but are very worried about her illness? When talking to her, try to de-personalise it, so she doesnt feel that it is her you are asking about. Ask how her illness is going? Talk about changing meds. Is her boyfriend someone you can talk to. He may have some insights, or be able to calm your fears. Thoughts are with you at this time. Try and look after yourseld and your husbanfd, who will be suffering with you. Perhaps if she doesn't want help at the minute, you could join a support group ( as well as here) that may give you some support as well. Best wishes and hugs to you. The most important thing is ring one of the numbers Trace put there if you are truly concerned for her life. We have all been in the hopeless place and it's horrible. Keep posting here as it's healthy for you Lots lf love to you Leebux
  14. Mother to mother...you must be beside yourself. If you are in any doubt about her safety, ring the hospital and get her into an emergency dept. Ring a Lifeline. I can't really give any other advice, than to watch her, and be there for her. My daughter also doesn't speak and bottles things up. Is your daughter on meds, or seeing a therapist? These vould help. Hugs to you both Message me if you need. Leebux
  15. Hi , and welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of helpful and kind people here. People don't understand that you just can't feel better immediatley. We do. Keep posting and we will respond from whatever time zone we are in. Take care Leebux
  16. Hey Jessiks, Don't feel horrible. You are doing great! You should be really proud of yourself. Parents sometimes say silly things without thinking. Keep your spirits up. Thoughts are with you Leebux
  17. Hi Nature Nut, My daughter has depression and has told a few close friends. I think the key for you is to do what makes you confortable. If an e-mail would dothat, then go with it. Be prepared for a phone call, because they may want to talk to you. If you think that would be too much, include that in your e-mail. You would appreciate their support and understanding, but please leave any phone calls for a week or two. Good luck as it is not an easy thing to do. Leebux
  18. Thanks Library Lady. It helps to have someone say that. Wish my daughter saw it that way.Perhaps one day she will. Take care Leebux
  19. Hi Sue, So glad that you have found us. My daughter is now almost 18, but was diagnosed with severe depression at 15 1/2. We felt absolutley useless, especially since it had been going fo 3 years and we didn't know. I empathise with how you are feeling. You are NOT a bad parent. The kids are very good at hiding their symptons. One way of looking at it, at least now you know. Whatever treatment she is starting will take time, but it is small steps first. Somedays we go forwards and other days we go backwards, but at least we are still going. Even when you are able to get them the help they need, you still feel useless. I've cried and tortured myself about it, and know you are doing the same. At least your daughter is accepting the help, and that is the most important thing right now. try to cry in private. I know it really bothered my daughter( and still does) to see me upset. The most important thing you can do for yourself and your daughter, is look after you. I know I did all I could do and then just had to watch her. It is incredibly hard, but just be there for her. My daughter shut herself off, I don't know how your daughter copes. Have you talked to your daughter about letting the school know about her depression? That is a good thing to do, because they will be able to make allowances for her. We also made a point of telling our daughter that it is an ILLNESS. Just like diabettes etc. Does your daughter have any close friends that she has told? Don't push her to do this, but if she asks, encourage her to tell perhaps 1 close friend. What makes it especially hard for us, is we don't sometimes know what is the depression and what is a normal teenager.This is what we are dealing with now. It is all a guessing game for us. Hopefully she will get some therapy which will help her, and it moghtn't be a bad idea to have some cousnelling yourself. Even though it's not our fault, the guilt, helplessness, betrayal, confusion, hurt etc can be overwhelming. Try to encourage her to go out occasionally. Not easy, I know. Everyone here is really helpful. I wish I had found this forun in the early days. At least I would have known I wasn't alone. Don't isolate yourself. Try and still do something for yourself. That gives you an outlet. You can't care for your daughter, if you're emotionally empty. I line dance and scrapbook. Please keep in touch. Message me if you need. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Love to you both and good luck as you begin the journey... Leebux
  20. Hi Autumn Gypsy, you certainly have opened a hot topic here. I think underneath everyone's threads is the fact that bullying at any age is wrong, and you have every right to be hurt. However, don't let it make you defensive. I was bullied at High school, but eventullay went to University and it never happened again. I stood up to her. SHe used to want to fight me, and called me chicken when I said no. On my mother's advice, the next time she said I was shicken, I said I was and clucked. Never bothered me again. My daughter's boyfriends are nice to her, but they're not her best friends. Conversely her boyfriend doesn't really like her friends that much, but if they go out, he smile and is civil, just as she is. You can choose your partner, not their friends. You need to lighten up on yourself. You have had some shocking experiences, but deep down you are a good person, we can see that throught your post. ALways approoach people in a way that you are confortable with. If that makes them unconfortable, then that's ok. It may take you longer to form friendships than others. Mydaughter doesn't have a huge amount of friends, but the ones she has are good friends. Quality over quatity. Be self assured, and you will find that people will see the real you and like you for it. If they don't, accept it and move on. 17 yr old daughter deleted her FB account because she said she didn't need to read other people's "rubbish"(not her words). You can live without it. Don't feel you have to answer as you may never sleep again. Leebux
  21. Hi Ari, Welcome to the forum. Glad you found somewhere that you feel confortable to talk and tellyour story. I am a mum and have a daughter with depression. I don't think she has ever self- heamed, but I'm not sure. It's good that you feel your dad is very spportive. Perhaps if you need therpay, you might have to tell one / and ot both parents. Sometimes, we are shocked or unhappy that we can't help, and it can make us appear cranky. Take care and keep posting Leebux
  22. Hi Shovel, My brother and his partner both have had ECT treatment. For him, it has worked quite well, but he has had to monitor his medication a bit. Yes, he still needs his meds, but not as much, and he holds down a part-time job. Partner, didn't work so well for her. SHe does have other issues though, so who really knows. Not sure if this helps you or not, but that is my family's experiences with it. Hope you get lots of responses and good luck whatever you decide to do.
  23. If a baby is what you and your girlfriend truly want, then you will make the decision that is right for you. Any future parent thinks... "what if", but we don't live our lives like this.e.g. If I go outside, a plane may fall on me,get knocked by a car. Children, I believe, are a product of their environment and the care and loving support of their parents. I'm not saying it will be easy...children aren't. but you and your partner will find joy if that's what you are looking for. Our daughter has had depression and has it been easy ...no!! Do I still love her,... yes!!! She has brought so much joy and love into our lives, I wouldn't have her any other way. If you are truly ready to have a child, do it. Teens are always a bit difficult...that's what teens are. I'm sure that when you were in your teens (not that long ago) your parents also had worries about extternal factors and the choices you made. Every generation worries about how the next one will geton, yet surprisingly the majority make it through successfully. Not sure if this hellped or not, but it's something to think about. Leebux
  24. Hi Miss Melancholy, You are really hurting at the moment and I feel for you as a mother does. My daughter had psychotice depression from 12 1/2 - 16 before being diagnosed. I think you are very brave for trying to deal with it. On the positive side, at least you are aware that you are sabotaging yourself. What are your reasons for doing this? Is it fear of success, or haas failure become famiiliar and confortable for you? While I am no therapist, there are self help books that you could work through as your parents are unwilling to help at this moment. Could you talk to your school counsellor? Don't give up on yourself. Try and make small steps. Even if you get up and repeat every hour "I am a clever, pretty person."If you say it often enough, you might start believing it. Colleges should take into account your illness, when you apply for courses. Take care and keep posting. You are not alone Leebux
  25. Hi ANthony, Welcome to the forum. There are lots of friendly people here who you can chat with. I'm sorry that you are not in a good place right now. I'm sure a lot of people have the same feelings as you and that you will feel that you are not alone in this struggle. If you feel that your symptons are getting worse, perhaps you may need to re-visit your Psychiatrist or Psychologist. Take care Leebux
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