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  1. Like
    Nightjar got a reaction from idkusername465 in Question for anybody that decided to go No Contact with one or both parents?   
    Hi chumly. 
    I have exactly the same problem as you. 
    I think maybe you have answered your own question when you said you were "not being in contact with her for now'. 
    I frequently take breaks, sometimes for months at a time because I feel I need to for my mental health. And I think that's OK. 
    I do feel guilty about it and it doesn't sit well with me and after a while I resume contact. And I think that's OK too. 
    It can't really be black and white as much as we would like that. We want both I think, to see her and not to see her. We feel both things at the same time. 
    I get to a point where I do actually want to see her again. In spite of masses and masses of emotional abuse, it doesn't completely eradicate a forty year relationship, childhood spent with her and our mother and child bond. 
    I think it's important to stand your ground, look after yourself and put yourself first as much as possible. It sounds like you really need this break and I think you should take it. But I don't think we ever really feel OK with turning our back completely on our own mother - abusive or not. 
    If you do go no contact forever you will go through the grieving process. You will grieve for her, however horribly she has treated you. It's very hard either way. There is no real happy solution I don't think. 
    Take all of the advice and professional help you can get. 
    Ps. Have you checked out my thread on narcissism? There's a lot on there describing people's experiences with their narcissists if you'd like to read more. It's called children of narc's refuge. 
    Lots of love to you. 
    I know how hard this is. 
  2. Like
    Nightjar got a reaction from sober4life in Exercise! #2   
    So how about a compromise? Maybe walk 30 minutes less then do a gentle stretch. Not full on Yoga Master Gal session, just chill, breath, 4 or 5 favorite full body stretches. 
    @In2deep4meYeah, I did kinda compromise yesterday. I haven't got the energy to do everything sometimes as much as it pains me not to get the full sesh of yoga done. I did an hour's walk and 30 minutes of yoga later on.
    It was quite late - about 9pm - to start a session and I was tired by then. I just did my usual warm up routine. It was very much worth it, in spite of the fact I didn't do as much as I wanted to. I haven't had a decent stretch in over a week I think and I was making noises that the neighbours may have raised an eyebrow at 😂 
    But eff them, I gotta get my yoga done 😁
    Today, I've cleared my schedule to get the full session done 👍 
    Thanks for the encouragement 👌as usual and hope you are still enjoying that steroid high 😂
  3. Like
    Nightjar reacted to Kaleai in Overeating And Overspending Addiction   
    So this is an old topic but while I was looking into ways to overcome my overspending and overeating I came across this. It makes so much sense now that I can link it with my depression. Thank you everyone because reading hit home if you will. I'm really glad that I'm not alone struggling with this. Someone described it as like a little high without the drugs and its just that... a bounce or serotonin in a troubling time. Except its always a troubling time it seems. 
    I am literally sitting here fighting every urge to order fast food for delivery or that new game that just came out but I know its never enough because I will find myself there once again, probably tomorrow. Idk if anyone has found any tricks or ways to control this but I would love an update.
    I'm trying so hard but I just don't feel powerful enough on my own anymore. :/
  4. Haha
    Nightjar reacted to In2deep4me in Exercise! #2   
    @Nightjar - Good for you. I make some weird noises stretching too. It goes with the flow, sorta speak. I keep my windows closed though so the neighbors don't hear me... 😉 Although I'm in agreement with eff-them if they don't like it. I figure most of those really uptight ones probably need a good stretch and then some to get that stick out and relax.
  5. Like
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Retirement age is the age you say you're done with people.  Even if my life is waking up under a bridge and eating garbage if I made it through the day without talking to anyone I have won.
  6. Like
    Nightjar reacted to iWantRope in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Retirement number is not your age, but how many dollars you have left in your bank account. Even 1 million USD will last you a mere few years at best
  7. Sad
    Nightjar reacted to samadhiSheol in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Thing is there is no cure for life. 
    You either bear it or you don't. 
    Fed up with this. Fed up of myself and my shortcomings.
    I hate myself. 
  8. Sad
    Nightjar reacted to watalife in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    It's over for me too. It's over for my car, health,  love life, and probably my current way of life. With no insurance and future collapse of my vessel there is no way around it being over. Hopefully orange baby will make it okay with his new life or outdoor living.
  9. Sad
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    It's over for me but of course I would have to say it ever began or was ever good for it to be over I suppose.
  10. Like
    Nightjar reacted to duck in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    JD4010, please go and get your teeth pulled.  I want you to be with us for many years to come 🙂
  11. Like
    Nightjar reacted to ladysmurf in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    i dont think its over
  12. Sad
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    You should just retire like me.  I've retired from everything.  It's over let's be honest.  There's not one person on earth that can look forward to any day and say life is going to be good then.  It's over!
  13. Like
    Nightjar reacted to JD4010 in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    I dumped $330 at the vet yesterday having this stray kitty checked out. He's doing better than I thought he would be. Now I have to go get a tooth yanked because I'm in absolute agony. That will be a minimum of $300 as well. I can no longer afford to simply live. I don't have cable or wi fi in my dump of an apartment. I face tremendous anxiety and stress every single day yet I can't come close to breaking even. Tell me why I should burn myself out at work if I only get further behind?
  14. Thanks
    Nightjar reacted to ladysmurf in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    i get like that too, here's a little research i did i couldn't paste the website I don't think we are allowed. but maybe look into lamps if you haven't already
    Two different ways of administering light therapy
    1. A light box delivers light that with up to ten times the intensity of normal domestic lighting. In most cases, you simply sit about 12 inches in front of a 10,000-lux light box for 15 to 30 minutes each morning. The light box emits a controlled amount of white light, with harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays filtered out.
    While the light needs to enter the eyes, you shouldn’t stare directly at the light box, but rather continue your morning routine, such as eating breakfast, reading the newspaper or working at the computer. Most people notice an improvement in their SAD symptoms after a few days and experience the full antidepressant effect in about two weeks.
    You can buy a light box without a prescription, although you may want to work with a professional to monitor the benefits of the treatment. While light therapy carries few side effects, consult your doctor about any eye or skin problems before using a light box. Also, beware that light therapy may trigger a manic episode if you have bipolar disorder.
    2. A dawn simulator is a device that gradually increases the amount of light in your bedroom in the morning to simulate the rising sun and wake you up. The light gradually increases, just as natural sunlight does, over a period of 30 to 45 minutes. Instead of waking in darkness, you wake to what looks like a sunny morning. This can help reset your circadian rhythm and improve your mood. While light boxes may trigger hypomania or mania in those with bipolar disorder, there is no such risk with a dawn simulator.
  15. Sad
    Nightjar reacted to ladysmurf in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    I seriously wonder if EVER in my lifetime I will be able to go out enjoy my favorite meal, enjoy the weather, laugh without my mind running in the circles of anxiety/ocd/depression// all the wonderful stuff i've been dealing with since I was a young kid. Right now I am forced like many of you to pretend to be okay, pretend that things are going okay, show the different side of myself when I am out there in the real world, yet when I return home it's a different story..For months now I try to keep myself busy because what else can I do but constantly torture myself in negative thoughts and isolate, etc. But will that day ever come? for me? for many of us who can't get any relief? I suppose one can hope, but I sadly don't see that day in my lifetime..
  16. Like
    Nightjar reacted to JD4010 in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Took the stray kitty to the veterinarian yesterday. He checked out well. His biggest issue is that he's malnourished. That's easy to fix. :) He has an abscessed tooth that needs to be removed but that's about it. They put his age around 6.
    I'm tempted to keep him--and my daughter wants me to--but I still struggle with having him integrate with the other two cats who've had me to themselves for five years. I dunno. 
  17. Like
    Nightjar reacted to JD4010 in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    I'm happy to hear that you are doing well in real life at least! DF has slowed down quite a bit over the past six months...might be the whole COVID business, I don't know.
    Far as I'm concerned, you are a very important member of the DF family. I'd miss the hell out of you if you left us.
  18. Like
    Nightjar reacted to SailingSoul in Question for anybody that decided to go No Contact with one or both parents?   
    Im going to do this with my dad. He ignores me daily and my baby on his bday. Among other things ...hes not a good person. 
    I feel no guilt bc he didnt feel any. 
  19. Like
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in Question for anybody that decided to go No Contact with one or both parents?   
    The problem is we will never see a clear picture of the situation.  Our mind won't let us and the parent won't let us.  The idea that we feel guilt is the most amazing thing in the world because it means we take after the other parent.  The narcissist has never felt guilt or remorse or regret in their life.  The people around them are just pawns.  They're steps to get to their goals.  Can we benefit from having them in our lives?  Only two reasons really.  If it makes us feel better to keep an eye on them instead of wondering what they're up to.  Number two we can benefit as long as our needs line up with their needs but we must understand this person is always only out for themselves.  They don't even think about the possibility that what they are doing might benefit others.
  20. Like
    Nightjar reacted to chumly in Question for anybody that decided to go No Contact with one or both parents?   
    Thanks so much for the terrific insight and really relating! 👍 You seem to really understand where I’m coming from here.
    I have not read that thread but I plan on doing so. Thanks so much for letting me know about it and thanks once again for the very helpful response! I really appreciate it👍👍!
  21. Thanks
    Nightjar reacted to In2deep4me in Exercise! #2   
    So how about a compromise? Maybe walk 30 minutes less then do a gentle stretch. Not full on Yoga Master Gal session, just chill, breath, 4 or 5 favorite full body stretches. One of my favorites is dubbed World's Greatest Stretch. I believe you call it triangle pose. I do the left and right and do both inside and outside the forward leg. Seems to be a really good full body movement. I do 5-10 minutes of cooldown stretch after any workout. Not the best stretch but it helps and it points out any areas I should maybe add a bit more focus too. 
    As for the poison ivy. Please don't find any. If you've made it this long without any that's great. It's a nasty little plant.
  22. Like
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in Exercise! #2   
    It was a very nice day today.  I saw a baby brown cow.  It was born sometime in the last few days.  I know who cares a small cow.😒
  23. Like
    Nightjar reacted to sober4life in Exercise! #2   
    I have 2 farms that border my property.  One farm has everything you talked about.  It also has turkeys and goats.  The other farm has black angus cows.  I pass 7 farms on my walk.  The one thing I wish one of the farms had is sheep.  I love lambs!  Holding them and feeding them with a milk bottle!❤️I do see baby goats and baby ducks though amazing!
  24. Like
    Nightjar reacted to In2deep4me in Exercise! #2   
    the fact that you have some farm land to visit is very cool. some people do care. don't write off. when we moved to where we are now there was a nice farm across the street. cows, donkeys, somw horses, ducks, geese, nice little mix. we could walk across the road and visit with them since the barn was close to the road and the farmer was very cool and didn't mind us visiting. the animals get to know you after a while. now it's all gone another-damned-development built where it was. because we can never have enough new houses, townhouses and condos... why people won't buy or rent older ones is beyond me. ours is 20 years old. has some issues and has character. it's fine and the price is right. i'd take the farm back anyday over the crap they just built...
  25. Like
    Nightjar got a reaction from JD4010 in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Feeling a bit better today. I notice a strong correlation between my sleep patterns and my mood. If I stay up late watching movies, I feel anxious and depressed the next day. 
    I'm nowhere near as bad if I go too bed earlier. I definitely suffer with SAD and my energy levels are down but if I get to bed earlier, it's much more manageable. 
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