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Everything posted by Nightjar

  1. I don't want you to give up hope sober. It's not impossible to meet people, just harder, or different. We have to go about things in a different way now, that's all.
  2. Toast with a very thin scrape of butter coz I ran out and am not going shopping till tomorrow πŸ˜‚πŸ›’πŸž
  3. @sober4life I don't think you're a failure. And I appreciate having you in my life Don't forget how far you've come. What you've achieved is nothing short of a miracle. We're survivors and proud πŸ‘
  4. Agreed. I have this thought very often. I was top of the class throughout my school years in every subject. And what happens to me? I have no job throughout most of my adult life because I am crushed by low self esteem, depression and anxiety 😬 I should be a freaking millionaire by now πŸ˜‚
  5. Thinking of hitting up the caffeine again to maybes help with some weight loss? Stop me drinking hot chocolate, suppress my appetite and give me more energy? Weight loss tool? πŸ€” Yes, it makes me irritable but maybe skinny jeans are worth it? πŸ‘–
  6. 9128 steps today. Was really enjoyable.. I tried posting some pics here but had some problems 😬 Saw lots of lovely birds, trees and flowers(?!?) So good to get out. Nightjar + in house all day + winter = anxiety and depression. It's not good news for the housework 😁
  7. Thanks for the input. I agree, I think it's important to be authentic. Why? Dunno. Just feels better πŸ˜‚ Also, feels like I'm giving of myself and not just spewing some nonsense I'm making up to please others πŸ˜‰ It's good to hear your side of things. I suffer from depression but I'm often in opposition to others here as I am a born optimist πŸ˜‚ and always looking for the positive. I guess I am a walking contradiction and probably quite unusual. Sounds about right πŸ˜… I try not to impose my attitude though I guess it probably slips through sometimes πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ So, it's good to hear your reasoning for not trying to be falsely positive so that I can understand an opposite point of view. It's great when we can have constructive conversations like this where no one gets offended πŸ‘
  8. Well, my energy levels are very low again but at least I can sort of limp through the day and get a few things done. I always forget that I suffer with seasonal affective disorder because it goes in march as soon as it comes in October. I think for me the key is in my relationship to the light. I have to see as much daylight as possible and also avoid using false light in the evenings as much as possible. Going to bed pretty early helps. The more in tune my body is with the natural light and darkness, the better I feel, it seems. So today, I am going to fight the urge to do very little and get myself to the park. I think it's essential that I leave the house every day at this time of year to get that daylight into my brain. I'm going with that for now. I dont use antidepressants and I don't currently have access to counselling so I have to use every natural tool I have πŸ‘
  9. If does seem quieter here. I can only guess at why this is the case during a time when mental health problems are skyrocketing πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Since so many people are losing their jobs, maybe they can't afford the Internet access any more? Or maybe because lots of folks have more people around them at this time, due to being made to stay at home, they therefore feel less need to reach out? Add to that, the epic task of home schooling on top of working from home coming into people's lives and lots of folks have a pretty hectic schedule which wouldn't leave much time for DF 😬 Could it be that we've also lost members to covid? Maybe all of the above? Anyway, wata, there are still people here and we do still support each other. Let's keep the faith and keep the support going here at DF. It's been a godsend for so many of us.. And helped us probably more than we know. Let's keep it going through this so that it will still be here when we come out on the other side. πŸ‘Š
  10. Very tired. Bit anxious. Bit depressed. Staying in this time of year does me no favours. I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't been in here all day. I need to see the light, even if it is very dim 😬
  11. Almost 10,000 steps yesterday. Was enjoyable and stopped me gaining any pounds in spite of eating some junk. Not much today. This looks like it's turning into a rest/sloth day.
  12. Ditto. I have adapted somewhat though. I do feel stronger and like I am more my own person. I'm sure there is a reason for this season of emptiness although sometimes it is very hard to cope with. I realise that there have been many times in the past when I thought things would never improve and that I would never have a partner but I have always been proved wrong in that respect. Things have turned around eventually and I have hope and some faith that they will again. Life would be too boring otherwise. I realise that change starts with me and not with the outside world. I will move forward when I'm ready.
  13. Yay! Of course, I'd love you to come dressed as the lion 🦁 Mini lionℒ️ would love it too 😁
  14. It's overcast and spitting rain. We have 3,000 words for rain in the UK πŸ˜‚ The sky is kinda white. Its my least favourite sky πŸ˜’ but I'm heading out for a walk later and will try to make the most of it πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ I guess I'll still be getting some light which will help my SAD ☁️ Come back β˜€οΈ I need you 😬
  15. 10983 steps today 😁 ... It didn't feel like too much. It felt exactly enough. Did full sesh of yoga on Saturday and it went really well. I kept upping the anti on every round in my sun salutation, making each one harder than the last πŸ€ͺ It meant I got away with eating a shocking amount of chocolate πŸ˜‚
  16. You've hit the nail on the head. The isolation drives us back too them. I wish you were here too sober!! I know you'd stick up for me. I'd stick up for you too You're tough sober. This s*it is turning us into badasses πŸ˜…
  17. My new home where I won't be harassed or gossiped about 🏑
  18. I'm glad that's working for you sober. It's not an option for me unfortunately. It would be used against me as evidence that I am mad. I must be mad to spend time with narc mom again. When I got away from there and came home to my space I felt a huge sense of relief and instantly wanted no more contact. I'm stronger now, through managing on my own and I know I can cope without her. It didn't take her long to get up to her old tricks. I had two visits of love bombing and then it was game on, everything nightjar is and does is wrong and shall be shamed. It felt nice to have a family for five minutes. It's just a fantasy. I have no family. She is trying to get me under the thumb again by dangling money in front of me. I'd rather go hungry. In fact I sometimes do and it feels better than taking crumbs from her. 'Don't be proud' she keeps saying to me. That *itch wants my self esteem in the gutter. And when you lose your pride, you lose pretty much everything. I dont want contact for now. Xmas? I don't know. Maybe not. I can't wait to move away. I will be less easy access for her and further away from her circle of malign influence. I'm still working on it. I'm sticking to my plan and I should be ready to try again in May. The thing that scares me is the bone crushing isolation. But I guess I'm getting better at dealing with it and I will just have to work things out and meet new people😬
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