Nightjar

Waking up this morning with that warm sleepy feeling because I actually slept!!

I think it's grumpy bear, my little bestie

Ugh. Update. Just had the news that developments with mom's illness mean I may be woken up several times a night as her house aswell.. Safe haven for sleep notsomuch. And I actually have a phobia about being woken up now Worst of all I won't be understood or considered in this so I feel helpless and alone. As usual. Oh god, let me survive this.

Well, I've had more sleep these last two nights and have felt more relaxed during the daytime.. Struggling a bit with motivation to move this afternoon and I'm currently trying to kick my butt into the bathroom

Yep

I'm not convinced that any of us knows how to deal. We're all just bumbling about, stumbling around in the dark.. But we have each other and that's something good

@Charlee hugs sweetie.. I gotta be honest, I'm not convinced I would want to drag painful past issues up when I was feeling suicidal... If it feels like it's making you feel worse, maybe find a different sort of treatment or counsellor(?) I couldn't talk about my biggest trauma for 20 years after the fact. It wasn't helpful to me. I just got retraumatised. I'm sure that's a thing..... You need to feel SAFE to go there surely(?) Feel free to ignore me Charlee of course. It's just my take on things. We want the best for you here. I would have thought that you needed more of a safe space to be at the moment and some support with managing the day to day (?) Whatever you feel you need is what's important. And I think you've stressed here that you need to feel good.. So whatever that entails for you.... .. Maybe, some support, gentle encouragement, gentle conversation(??) .. Maybe a friend is better than a counsellor right now, someone to just hang with, talk about inane things to make you laugh and forget about the trauma(?) ... Just some thoughts. Make sure you do what's best for you

@juno_writes Wishing you love and peace in the middle of all this.. I can clearly see your love and I'm certain they can too

It was a dark day here too...

Chilled this am after a fairly good sleep by my standards and watched YouTube videos.... Then meditated which spurred me on to get ready and get out..... I think it's essential for me to get daylight at this time of year so I make an effort to get out for a walk. I left it a little late but I did get out for that walk. Then picked up some chinese food and watched a film with mom. It was good to have company. I don't want to be by myself at the moment.

I'm grateful I showered today even though I hate doing it. I'm grateful that I got out of the house this afternoon. I'm grateful that I had a nice evening.

Ok, well my phone just told me that the US is back open to UK flights in November so that gives me plenty of time to fly in for your birthday I will arrive dressed as a bear of course

I know how you feel..

I did 6870 at the city lake today. I'm really feeling the need to be around the people and animals so it was good