Nightjar

It never rains but it pours. It's pouring on my head right now. Wish it would let up for a bit but nope, not yet. Bit more suffering for you, I think nightjar. Who do you think you are, feeling all strong and stuff? Have a nice new dose of anxiety and depression and see how you get on with that. Lots of love, God xx

Good luck Floor. Will be thinking of you today. Please let us know how it went . Nightjar

Today was my second day. I'm just worried this will be yet another place where I don't fit in and social interaction will suck. And I can throw getting a girlfriend out the window too while I'm at it. Of course you're nervous. That's normal for anyone when they start somewhere new. People will understand that. You can be open about it and it may help to break the ice a bit. A girlfriend is usually the cherry on the cake. When you are more settled in yourself and your environment it will come.

Hey, y'know it takes a bit of time to make friends. It's a gradual kinda thing. I don't think it's ever instant. You have to get to know people a bit first and vice versa. You are not a loser. Wasn't this your first day? It's going to take some time but I believe you can do it.

I changed my plans and went along with everyone else today just to be part of the gang and sociable. I just went along and did what they wanted even though we had agreed to do something completely different beforehand. I ask for one thing for myself, no biggie, just a little favour. Did I get it from them? Course not. I obviously didn't lie down flat enough today for them to walk over. I'm angry this evening. I'm not listened to. Dismissed. Unsupported. Disrespected. Taken for granted. Ugh. Perhaps I should have said no from the start. I just didn't want to miss out or be unsociable I guess.

Thankyou

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You're a slut You're a waster It's normal for men to grab your boobs, it's fine You make me ill The way you feel is wrong What you think is wrong Everything you do is wrong You're afraid to do things You're not confident You're anxious You're a hermit You're flawed There's something wrong with you You can't manage on your own I do everything for you

Seeing the beautiful countryside. Overcoming panic. Going to one of my favourite places.

That I have no support and never have. That I can't open my mouth without being criticised. That I've been afraid to make my own decisions but really I've been making them all along. That I don't trust myself to make the right decisions 100% but that I should. Because I haven't let myself down yet. That's only come from other people.

Good and bad today. Panic was in there, enjoyment was in there, irritation, amusement, a bit of peace and a bit of pain. Oh, and sorrow and regret. To sum it all up; Eventful. Keeps me entertained I guess.

Hey @Logan Sims How did it go today?

Well I think you're right. If you're depressed people are gonna notice. We give off a depression vibe before we even open our mouth. I'm not sure whether people are really uninterested in us or whether we are so wrapped up in ourselves and our depression that we shut them out completely and don't attempt to connect with them. I went to a new school half way through high school and yep, people didn't take to me at first because I was so withdrawn. But after a while I started to wake up to my surroundings. I started taking an interest in what people were saying and then engaging in conversations with people. I needed to wake up a bit and be open to what was happening before I could make friends again. Previous to that I had been asleep for three years! Anyway, people got to know me better as I began to open up and warmed up to me, saying things like..."Oh I thought you were so stuck up but you're alright really." Which was a compliment I guess! With depression I think it best to play it down in public and act happy if you can. Put on a brave face and pretend that everything is fine with you. Sometimes pretending to do this actually makes us feel better. Depression tends to make us withdraw and we don't smile or really listen or take an interest in people. I think it's important to try to do this if we want people to take an interest in us. They don't need to know anything about your depression if you can keep it under wraps. I think that's best if you can manage it. At the very least play it down and don't let your gloomy feelings show too much. ...It is important to let them out somewhere though and you can let them out in a journal or with a counsellor or here. Other kids though, I would say no, don't show them and don't tell them unless it is a really good friend, you know you can trust.

No problem. Whenever you feel the need to vent you can post it here or in another thread and we will do our best to help. It's really good to hear that you opened up to your mom and that it was helpful. You're right it can be such a relief to tell someone what's going on. Support can make a big difference to how we feel. As human beings we need it, especially when we are going through a tough time. Good luck with the counsellor. Give them a chance, they might be decent. If nothing else maybe they can put you in touch with a support group or another counsellor who specialises in OCD and/or panic. Don't give up. Happiness is on the other side of this.

Feeling a lot better this morning than I did yesterday morning. I'm hopeful that this depression phase is coming to an end. The walk helped a lot yesterday. Connecting with people IRL helped a lot too I'm sure. No panic in the night last night and woke up with no feelings of dread. Winner. If I could get a few things sorted in my life I believe I could be well. Trying to get these things in place with intermittent anxiety and depression is not easy but I can achieve things on a good day and I can also achieve things on a bad day; just not so much. I just need to keep plodding on.