@Charlee hugs sweetie..
I gotta be honest, I'm not convinced I would want to drag painful past issues up when I was feeling suicidal...
If it feels like it's making you feel worse, maybe find a different sort of treatment or counsellor(?)
I couldn't talk about my biggest trauma for 20 years after the fact. It wasn't helpful to me. I just got retraumatised. I'm sure that's a thing..... You need to feel SAFE to go there surely(?)
Feel free to ignore me Charlee of course. It's just my take on things. We want the best for you here.
I would have thought that you needed more of a safe space to be at the moment and some support with managing the day to day (?)
Whatever you feel you need is what's important. And I think you've stressed here that you need to feel good.. So whatever that entails for you....
.. Maybe, some support, gentle encouragement, gentle conversation(??)
.. Maybe a friend is better than a counsellor right now, someone to just hang with, talk about inane things to make you laugh and forget about the trauma(?)
... Just some thoughts.
Make sure you do what's best for you