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jeremiah last won the day on February 4 2012

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About jeremiah

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  1. 7th circle of hell

    Hi JD4010 and thanks for the reply. It's good to hear from someone who has been there and come out on the other side. I keep telling myself that I will be stronger on the other side of this and I believe it. Sort of. Did you have similar feelings in the middle of it, like you were just going to collapse or something?
  2. 7th circle of hell

    Fogot to quote you in my reply so you know I have replied. Same. Just so you know I've replied. Cheers guys.
  3. 7th circle of hell

    Hi Cent and Stoniumfrog. Your kind words are really appreciated. Cent (Kyle?) you sound like a really sweet young person. It's lovely to have your support. Stonium, Thankyou for your valuable advice. I have been using lists, I do find that helpful. It's really the exhaustion which is flooring me at the moment. I even crashed my car the other day, I'm that tired. Thank god no one was hurt. I'm also lacking in the support department unfortunately. I really miss having a partner and friends are thin on the ground. This place helps. Have you been through divorce yourself? Thanks again, I will think on your kind words, kyle and stonium as I battle on through the fog.
  4. 7th circle of hell

    Hi everyone, I think I've descended into the 7th circle of hell. I'm going through a divorce type break up, am selling my house and dealing with severe anxiety simultaneously. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically but can't stop this whole process of selling and moving. It seems I have no choice as my ex partner is paying the mortgage and he won't carry on for my benefit. I have hard times ahead too, I'll be staying with my narcissistic mother till I have something else sorted. I feel like I'm going to have some sort of fit or stroke or go completely insane I am so drained, exhausted and anxious. Any advice would be appreciated right now. Thankyou.
  5. I hope you read this - I hope you share this.

    Hi MG, I'm glad I could be of some help.
  6. I hope you read this - I hope you share this.

    Hi MG, Hope you don't mind the abbreviation. I thought it was cute lol. Thank you for sharing your story, it was really well written and engaging. I can relate to being a zombie for a lot of my life due to a really difficult upbringing and then subsequent difficult relationships. Something that helps me is to think that it could never have been any other way. It had to happen that way to enable me to learn whatever I needed to. I can't do better until I know better. I can only ever work with the knowledge I have in the moment. From an outside point of view reading your story it would seem ridiculous that you could be fully functional and thriving in relationships with ease. .Of course you struggle. Thats not to say that you always have to, or that you always will. You have good reason to find things difficult... That's what I'm trying to say, I guess. Try to be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. I'm sorry that your relationship has ended but there are no guarantees that it would have worked out even if you did get back together. Relationships are one of the most difficult things in life that we each have to deal with. They are always hard. For those of us who have multiple issues it can be almost impossible. I'm not gonna lie, it will take a lot of work for you (and most of us here) to maintain a good relationship but we usually find that it's worth the effort. Gradually, gradually we learn more of the tricks of the trade to build healthier relationships. You could probably make much quicker progress in counselling.. But, saying that, when you go to counselling it's another relationship so I imagine this can also be very difficult. Although, I imagine with a good therapist you could make quicker progress than I have with trial and error... You will only do this if and when you are ready. Sorry if this sounds preachy, I'm just doing my best to share what I know and to describe my take on things. All the best to you lovely girl.
  7. Where Do You Get Your Hope From?

    I think that I always have hope. In the midst of a depression it's hard to feel but I know it's there underneath it all. Hope = Life I think. If we had none at all I don't think we could go on.
  8. I never go outside or get off the couch.

    I don't get out anywhere near as much as I used to. I don't work or go to any clubs or classes. I used to do a lot of exercise classes and was very fit. I do run errands, go for walks and socialise with family members. I do have days where I stay in but it always makes me feel worse. I try to follow a few rules which are: Always get washed and dressed before the sun goes down. Try to accomplish at least one or two tasks that need to be done over the course of the day. Get out of the house at least once a day, even if its just to the supermarket for a couple of supplies. Try to do a little exercise every day...a walk, a little yoga or at least moving around in the house and/or the supermarket. Keep up with emails and correspondence most days also. If I follow these rules it keeps me afloat, not thriving, but afloat.
  9. I feel lonely and trapped

    Hi hun, My life is unravelling fast too. Can't do much more at the moment than take it one day at a time and try to do little things every day to help myself. Most of the time (there are exceptions) if I make an effort to do or to try something there will be enough positives to make it worthwhile. It's a fight but it's worth it. Try to do regular little things to help your situation. Don't feel like you have to achieve everything all at once and don't feel that you have to keep up with others who are doing and feeling well. I think the comparison of ourselves to others when we are depressed and they are not can be one of the hardest things to deal with. Try to see how well you are doing in terms of a depressed person. We have standards lol. We're all on a scale, some will be better off, some worse but at least you will be in the same ball park if you look at your life in terms of what can a depressed person achieve rather than what can a well person can achieve. Trying to be normal when you are depressed is like being a butcher and trying to be an astronaut, all the time wondering why you can't do it! Hope that helps
  10. An agoraphobic extrovert

    Hi chubbybunny89, Have you been visiting these forums for a while? I have been visiting this site for probably about 15 years now, I don't post loads, usually just when I'm having a bit of a crisis and then I ease off again. I'm definitely in that place right now and have been on here quite a bit but having a connection or connections here I think might make me more a more regular user. I can relate to some of what you say. I'm a bit OCD and not going out much too but my issues manifest in slightly different ways. My OCD is much more about keeping my own house clean.. Apart from not touching a public loo door handle (I use tissue paper to open it) I don't worry too much in public. However if anyone uses my kitchen or bathroom, I have to clean it all before I can use it. It's difficult in a living situation to say the least. I'm not going out so much because over the years I've lost friends, moved to the country and become a bit isolated. My life has been all about looking after the house and my partner for a long time. That's crashing down around my ears at the moment though coz my partner and I are selling up. Ouch.. Moving to the country, whilst beautiful, has been a massive culture shock. In the city I would often be out and about in the evenings but here everything just stops when the sun goes down and it's not the way I'm used to living. There are some things going on in the evenings but nothing like the scale of the city I lived in before and I'm just so out of the habit of being involved now. I'm broke too coz I haven't worked in about six years, I've really lost confidence in that area simply coz I haven't done it. I have at least started driving again but in that too my confidence is not what it was but I'm working on it and making a bit of progress. I don't intend to let that slide again coz it all adds up and if you don't use it you lose it. I'm happy to chat if you'd like to pm or anything. You sound like an interesting person to me. Jeremiah By the way, my screen name is masculine for some reason but I am a girl too. Must be a bit confusing. Lol.
  11. Hi everyone, I'm so upset today. My ex keeps letting me down. We have a house we are in the process of selling and I have been trying to get him to mow the lawn for months now. It's been at least two months. Sounds ridiculous when I say it now. There are some things like shifting furniture to sell etc that I can't do myself. I hurt my back yesterday shifting a table :( it's been sore all night and everything time I bend it hurts :( Anyway since the split in August he left our house and went to live in his other house that he owns. He made a very convincing speech before he left about how he always wanted us to stay friends.. I have gradually weaned myself off contacting him frequently and went from trying to see him every week, to every other week but I did think that we were staying friends. He would let me down a lot but we would still hang out at first.. At first he would stay over, then he just wanted to hit and run. I'm imagining this is because I just couldn't resist snuggling up to him when he stayed although we never made any moves on each other. That part is loooong gone. Anyway I was fed up of being let down over and over when he said he would come, then didn't and then would do that again. And again. I have been asking him to do stuff in the house but also just wanted to see him. So it was a bit of both I was asking for. Anyway, so I didn't contact him at all over December coz he hasn't initiated contact at all since we broke up. And...nothing from him. I felt a lot better in myself though. More peaceful and started to move on.... Then in the new year I just thought well we really need to be in contact and be amicable because we are selling this house....So then I contacted him about the lawn again but also invited him for dinner.... He said he would come and do it and then the inevitable happened and he let me down again and then once more again after that. And that's where I am now. I was really looking forward to seeing him, had bought everything to make him a meal for him and have presents here that myself and my family have bought him for xmas. I can't get him to do the freaking lawn or the friendship! I'm not so upset about the lawn. I'm thinking of just giving up on asking him to doing anything now and doing my best to get help elsewhere and get things done myself. Even though I don't think that's fair. I suppose it's the withdrawal of the friendship I thought we were going to have. We had some really nice days out at the beginning of our breakup. Wishful thinking I guess... I know I feel better in myself when I just leave the scab alone. Lols. Is that my heart or him I'm referring to, I don't know. I'm really worried that he is resentful towards me, he has the potential to take a lot of money from me. I put a lot into the house and he payed the mortgage but I think he will automatically get half. Even though he has always maintained I would always get my money back if we broke up, I'm not so sure. It was my inheritance that my mother worked her whole life for and I'm scared he feels entitled to it since he's been paying the bills. He doesn't see my hard work in the house (he never lifted a finger) and to him it means nothing. Please, any advice would be appreciated, I have no-one to talk to about this. Thankyou very much. Jeremiah
  12. Negative unexpected I was planning on having a really chilled out day, just checking out my fave YouTube channels and enjoying my freshly stocked kitchen when a shed load of family dramas landed in my living room via the phone. Must remember to switch the damn thing off now and again!
  13. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)

    Hi LonelyHiker, Just wanted you to know that you helped me a long time ago without even realising. Your DF journal about your break up really resonated with me and helped me feel so much less alone. There are countless people you are helping by posting your experiences here, far beyond the few who actually comment or reply. Thankyou for all of your valuable insights and contributions. Please don't give up. We are all fighting alongside you, with love from your huge unhappy family!! jeremiah
  14. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I'm having a good day!! What a relief! I think I'm moving on from my ex and maybe that's helping? I have let go a lot more these past few weeks and it has been painful but today, at least, I feel some light at the end of this tunnel. This place has helped. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. It makes a difference to people's lives. Thank you.
  15. I want things to end soon

    Hi GAJ123, Great news that you are able to see the specialist soon...I think that's really positive....I'm trying to absorb your proactive, seeing a specialist vibe... Please don't put pressure on yourself to solve all of your problems and achieve all of your goals straight away. Concentrate on getting better before you conquer the really do have the rest of your life to achieve the things you want. There is no rush. Lots of love J