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jeremiah last won the day on February 4 2012

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About jeremiah

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  1. I never go outside or get off the couch.

    I don't get out anywhere near as much as I used to. I don't work or go to any clubs or classes. I used to do a lot of exercise classes and was very fit. I do run errands, go for walks and socialise with family members. I do have days where I stay in but it always makes me feel worse. I try to follow a few rules which are: Always get washed and dressed before the sun goes down. Try to accomplish at least one or two tasks that need to be done over the course of the day. Get out of the house at least once a day, even if its just to the supermarket for a couple of supplies. Try to do a little exercise every day...a walk, a little yoga or at least moving around in the house and/or the supermarket. Keep up with emails and correspondence most days also. If I follow these rules it keeps me afloat, not thriving, but afloat.
  2. I feel lonely and trapped

    Hi hun, My life is unravelling fast too. Can't do much more at the moment than take it one day at a time and try to do little things every day to help myself. Most of the time (there are exceptions) if I make an effort to do or to try something there will be enough positives to make it worthwhile. It's a fight but it's worth it. Try to do regular little things to help your situation. Don't feel like you have to achieve everything all at once and don't feel that you have to keep up with others who are doing and feeling well. I think the comparison of ourselves to others when we are depressed and they are not can be one of the hardest things to deal with. Try to see how well you are doing in terms of a depressed person. We have standards lol. We're all on a scale, some will be better off, some worse but at least you will be in the same ball park if you look at your life in terms of what can a depressed person achieve rather than what can a well person can achieve. Trying to be normal when you are depressed is like being a butcher and trying to be an astronaut, all the time wondering why you can't do it! Hope that helps
  3. An agoraphobic extrovert

    Hi chubbybunny89, Have you been visiting these forums for a while? I have been visiting this site for probably about 15 years now, I don't post loads, usually just when I'm having a bit of a crisis and then I ease off again. I'm definitely in that place right now and have been on here quite a bit but having a connection or connections here I think might make me more a more regular user. I can relate to some of what you say. I'm a bit OCD and not going out much too but my issues manifest in slightly different ways. My OCD is much more about keeping my own house clean.. Apart from not touching a public loo door handle (I use tissue paper to open it) I don't worry too much in public. However if anyone uses my kitchen or bathroom, I have to clean it all before I can use it. It's difficult in a living situation to say the least. I'm not going out so much because over the years I've lost friends, moved to the country and become a bit isolated. My life has been all about looking after the house and my partner for a long time. That's crashing down around my ears at the moment though coz my partner and I are selling up. Ouch.. Moving to the country, whilst beautiful, has been a massive culture shock. In the city I would often be out and about in the evenings but here everything just stops when the sun goes down and it's not the way I'm used to living. There are some things going on in the evenings but nothing like the scale of the city I lived in before and I'm just so out of the habit of being involved now. I'm broke too coz I haven't worked in about six years, I've really lost confidence in that area simply coz I haven't done it. I have at least started driving again but in that too my confidence is not what it was but I'm working on it and making a bit of progress. I don't intend to let that slide again coz it all adds up and if you don't use it you lose it. I'm happy to chat if you'd like to pm or anything. You sound like an interesting person to me. Jeremiah By the way, my screen name is masculine for some reason but I am a girl too. Must be a bit confusing. Lol.
  4. Hi everyone, I'm so upset today. My ex keeps letting me down. We have a house we are in the process of selling and I have been trying to get him to mow the lawn for months now. It's been at least two months. Sounds ridiculous when I say it now. There are some things like shifting furniture to sell etc that I can't do myself. I hurt my back yesterday shifting a table :( it's been sore all night and everything time I bend it hurts :( Anyway since the split in August he left our house and went to live in his other house that he owns. He made a very convincing speech before he left about how he always wanted us to stay friends.. I have gradually weaned myself off contacting him frequently and went from trying to see him every week, to every other week but I did think that we were staying friends. He would let me down a lot but we would still hang out at first.. At first he would stay over, then he just wanted to hit and run. I'm imagining this is because I just couldn't resist snuggling up to him when he stayed although we never made any moves on each other. That part is loooong gone. Anyway I was fed up of being let down over and over when he said he would come, then didn't and then would do that again. And again. I have been asking him to do stuff in the house but also just wanted to see him. So it was a bit of both I was asking for. Anyway, so I didn't contact him at all over December coz he hasn't initiated contact at all since we broke up. And...nothing from him. I felt a lot better in myself though. More peaceful and started to move on.... Then in the new year I just thought well we really need to be in contact and be amicable because we are selling this house....So then I contacted him about the lawn again but also invited him for dinner.... He said he would come and do it and then the inevitable happened and he let me down again and then once more again after that. And that's where I am now. I was really looking forward to seeing him, had bought everything to make him a meal for him and have presents here that myself and my family have bought him for xmas. I can't get him to do the freaking lawn or the friendship! I'm not so upset about the lawn. I'm thinking of just giving up on asking him to doing anything now and doing my best to get help elsewhere and get things done myself. Even though I don't think that's fair. I suppose it's the withdrawal of the friendship I thought we were going to have. We had some really nice days out at the beginning of our breakup. Wishful thinking I guess... I know I feel better in myself when I just leave the scab alone. Lols. Is that my heart or him I'm referring to, I don't know. I'm really worried that he is resentful towards me, he has the potential to take a lot of money from me. I put a lot into the house and he payed the mortgage but I think he will automatically get half. Even though he has always maintained I would always get my money back if we broke up, I'm not so sure. It was my inheritance that my mother worked her whole life for and I'm scared he feels entitled to it since he's been paying the bills. He doesn't see my hard work in the house (he never lifted a finger) and to him it means nothing. Please, any advice would be appreciated, I have no-one to talk to about this. Thankyou very much. Jeremiah
  5. Negative unexpected I was planning on having a really chilled out day, just checking out my fave YouTube channels and enjoying my freshly stocked kitchen when a shed load of family dramas landed in my living room via the phone. Must remember to switch the damn thing off now and again!
  6. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)

    Hi LonelyHiker, Just wanted you to know that you helped me a long time ago without even realising. Your DF journal about your break up really resonated with me and helped me feel so much less alone. There are countless people you are helping by posting your experiences here, far beyond the few who actually comment or reply. Thankyou for all of your valuable insights and contributions. Please don't give up. We are all fighting alongside you, with love from your huge unhappy family!! jeremiah
  7. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I'm having a good day!! What a relief! I think I'm moving on from my ex and maybe that's helping? I have let go a lot more these past few weeks and it has been painful but today, at least, I feel some light at the end of this tunnel. This place has helped. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. It makes a difference to people's lives. Thank you.
  8. I want things to end soon

    Hi GAJ123, Great news that you are able to see the specialist soon...I think that's really positive....I'm trying to absorb your proactive, seeing a specialist vibe... Please don't put pressure on yourself to solve all of your problems and achieve all of your goals straight away. Concentrate on getting better before you conquer the really do have the rest of your life to achieve the things you want. There is no rush. Lots of love J
  9. Merry Xmas

    No getting away from's nearly here and I hope it goes OK for everyone...if not OK, then at least tolerably. I'm hoping to get through 2 days with the family and then put it to bed. Have got a lot of driving to do which is the worst bit for me, I get anxious. Feel free anyone to chime in with Christmas cheers or woes and GOOD LUCK!!!!
  10. I want things to end soon

    Thankyou GAJ123, I'm hoping I can sort my sorry ass out a bit in the new year. Not working makes me feel a bit worthless. Won't give up though I think I need another month or so of lying low before I try and get out there again. I tried applying for a few things recently but it was just too much with everything else that's been happening (break up etc). ... I read up a little bit on your health issues and I agree with lonely foreigner when he said to try and see a specialist if you can? I know that doing that with depression can be difficult as doing anything can be with this illness. I have health issues that I know should be checked out too but I just haven't had it in me to do anything about it. Till then I just carry on best I can. I guess we'll go when we're ready huh? J
  11. I want things to end soon

    You're doing so well GAJ123. To work at a customer facing job with severe depression deserves a medal. I really wish I had a job. I'm always broke and I can't see a way back at the moment, it's been six years since I've worked and it's really difficult to find the confidence to try to go back. Its also a tad difficult to make a CV (resume in the states?) with bugger all on it. Lol. You're doing a lot and youre doing better than you think. You're somehow managing to work full time with an elephant on your back. Sounds like you enjoy the gym too...maybe if you could just go a bit easier on yourself about it, you might find it easier to motivate yourself to go. With depression I think it's best to stay away from an 'all or nothing' attitude. ..if you could just go to the gym without taking it too seriously, even 20 minutes on the treadmill or whatever can be enough to lift your mood. J
  12. I want things to end soon

    Hi GAJ123, I'm sorry you're feeling so low today and lacking there anything that you could gently push yourself to do to make yourself feel a bit better? I had to dig deep today to go for a walk and I pushed myself to get a couple of chores done. Not a great deal, but it keeps me from sliding into a chaotic house and feeling physically unhealthy I guess. I just do little things when I'm really down and then let myself rest. I don't find it helpful to push myself too hard when I'm really low but getting little things done helps my self esteem a little bit. J
  13. I want things to end soon

    Hi, I'm gonna try and explain my reasons for living...I've been depressed and anxious on and off for most of my adult life and had numerous problem relationships. I'm depressed and very anxious now but you know what? I love life! Lol, that sounds crazy but I do. I love life. I've had loads of awful experiences but also loads of great ones too. Outsiders have literally commented on my life and said how awful it must be for me to have lIved this failure (in their eyes) of a life of mine. .. But in my mind I'm not a failure, I'm a warrior. I fight every day to overcome the worst feelings a person can experience and that goes for everyone here. We are survivors, we should be proud. I have to find little things in my life to appreciate because my life is small in the eyes of the world but I have learned that these little appreciations in life are the best. Also my suffering has deepened my soul and made me kind and compassionate...people treat me like but I still care for them..more fool them in my opinion. I don't carry bitterness and judgement around in my heart, it's too heavy. It's also forced me to face my humanity and realise that this life isn't going to last forever, our personality and body are fading away every day. We don't need to wish it away, it's going to go out pretty quickly anyway. I'd say make use of this life. I really believe we're here to learn and evolve and if our lessons are hard we must be pretty advanced students. Much love to you Jeremiah
  14. Need help and info

    Hi Mark, I'm sorry that you are struggling at the moment...As far as I know brain fog and fatigue are common with depression...I think it's like a defensive mechanism for the sort of shuts down to 50% capacity when we are overwhelmed by too much stress in life...the tiredness too I think is also a defense mechanism for the body to rest when we are so obviously overwhelmed....difficult to deal with though when we have to keep going to work etc. I would suggest getting as much rest as you can and to just get essentials done..don't strive for perfection, do the bare minimum to get by whilst you are struggling so hard....Explain a bit to friends and family if you think they would be supportive...Also put yourself first and don't feel pressured to keep up socially. True friends will understand....superficial ones, not so much though so bear that in mind. Lastly, try to cut down on the drinking coz it is a depressant and most definitely aggravating your condition. Hope that helps a bit.. Jeremiah