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redwillowtree14

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  1. I started taking lorazepam and citalopram since Tuesday and it certainly has helped a bit with the anxieties and some depression symptoms. I still have nagging negative thought about my boyfriend but they aren't as severe. Sometimes i even feel back to normal with him. I made an appointment with a counselor for Wednesday. I've been hearing slot about relationship OCD lately. Not sure if it's a real thing but if it is I may have it. I'm tired of always wondering if I feel anything like I check in to see if I feel for him now . It's obsessive. And tiring
  2. Darcness... Thanks for the advice on the meds, my doctor wasn't to specific about it. And yes i have lost so much joy in my life, i use to talk To my family everyday and I haven't talked to them since last week. I feel like in to put so much energy to go and hang with a friend not just my boyfriend. If I logically think about the symptoms I'm having I am hit depressed and it's causing me to detach to everyone. But I have anxieties and feel more depressed that my thoughts just circle around my boyfriend. I guess it makes sense since he it the closest one to me. This all feel unreal to me
  3. All day I have pretty much felt nothing bad a terrible headache. Very disconnected from what's around me. I just looked at a photo of my boyfriend and all of a sudden I has a sinking feeling in my chest and my mind told me it's bc u don't feel for him and that's okay. I use to look at him and have fond feelings. I guess im seeing if any of you experienced that before, like when you look at them or see a picture? I'm really hoping it's just depression but I also feel like my mind is trying to convince me I don't feel for him anymore and that's why I'm depressed. Like if I just ended all of this would go away.
  4. Yes. That's how I would describe this. There was no trigger. I don't care to see my friends or my family. I stopped taking care of my self too... like didn't have the energy to shower, or was my face, or where something nicer than sweatpants. Just saw my doctor and she is prescribing me anti depressants with anxiety stuff and a low dosage of benzo for when I feel a panic attack. Ack I hope this changes me back.
  5. Jonathanrichie...... Between October and when you finally did something about it how did your relationship go? Did you end up breaking up, did you lose feeling but it would come back here and there? How did she take it? Were there certain things you could do to enjoy the relationship again? ... I recently noticed last night that I still laugh alot when im with him, like i use to before, but i also noticed that I can laugh but not feel joy or enjoy the moment I'm in. I'm still trying to find reason to convince myself that it is just depression causing me to close off to him and not thT I'm just not into him anymore. For instance I've lost interest insulting indate before 3 weeks into but stayed for another 4 weeks with him. And I could not stand the kid during the time, everything he did annoyed me. And I didn't go the extra mile for him. When I wasn't hanging with him I still has a normal happy life with family and friends. I know that's how i get when lose interest in someone. So that fact kinda helps cause it makes me think that my depression is choosing things for me right now and it's not actually me. I'm going to get ready to go to my doctors appt now. I hope I get prescribed something. I just can't stand like this. Thanks again everyone for your responses. It incredible how much of a releif it is to hear other ppls experiences. Honestly it's the only thing that has helped
  6. Thanks for the reply. Hearing that others out there feel this too makes me feel calmer and less frantic about trying to do something to ease this discomfort in my head. I actually have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow then to a counselor to get started on recovering. I miss how I use to be and I'm so determined to get back to me. I refuse to accept that this is just how I am now. Anyways thanks for your advice
  7. How to I begin.... Last week, Friday, I stayed in with my boyfriend. I had the best time ever with him, he makes me laugh and I can really be myself with him. I remember thinking how lucky I am to be with him and how I felt like he could really be part of my future. He is perfectly made for me and supportive unlike many of my exes. The next night, out of nowhere, I felt my head literally clicked off. And he stood in front of me and a thought crossed my head ..."am i losing feelings for him?” I quickly tried to shake off that thought because of course that not possible, it was just the day before where I felt like the luckiest girl ever and was so happy with him, with us. I felt not myself after that day, and every day since it has gotten worse. On Monday, a couple days after the initial thought, I had a panic attack. Before that panic attack happened I was thinking about "What if I lost feelings for him, then I would have to end it, and I would hurt him, and I don’t want to end it because I want him in my life, and how if I ended it I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else because he is the one I want and I will end up alone and he will have to start over" While all these thoughts crossed my head, my heart rate increased, I had a hard time breathing, I ended up getting a massive headache, my eyes began to hurt, I just could not relax. I though, imp just getting sick from something. But ever since that day things got worse for me. Every day, all day I would have obsessive thoughts about what if I lost feelings for him and what would happen. I felt guilty for having those feelings so I would try to suppress it which I think gave me more anxieties. These obsessive thoughts give me headaches every time, the minute it crosses my head. Even when I am distracted with something, I would have this heavy feeling in my chest and my head and I would start thinking about what’s going through my head obsessively again. It’s like my mind and body wouldn’t let me forget that something wasn’t right with me or my situation. I would try to find reasons why I was not feeling myself anymore. I got obsessed with finding a reason to what was going on with me. I did not want to accept in my head that I had just simply didn’t feel for him anymore. And when I would try to convince myself that I just don’t feel him anywhere another thought in my head would fight it. And so I would end up with two conflicting ideas and I would just feel crazy and tired. Other changes vie noticed since the panic attack was that I was always tired, but had a hard time sleeping, I have random aches and pains, lack of sex drive, I feel nothing or anxious nothing else, I get a grossed out feeling when I think about my dad and my boyfriend, I don’t want to see my family, I don’t want to hang with my friends, I avoid my neighbors so I don’t have to have small talk,. I don’t want to have to talk to people and be pleasant; I want to kind of be alone BUT at the same time I feeling lonely all the time even when people are with me. I feel like I have to force myself to enjoy what imp doing or enjoying people. Even at times when I am having a good time and I am laughing my mind quickly reminds me that I’m not feeling right. I am convinced that I am depressed. I’ve been before. But my concern is am I depressed because I’m worried to lose feelings for my boyfriends, or am I depressed and it’s causing me to lose feelings for my boyfriend. It’s been a week since I’ve dealt with this. I’m confused my issues obviously circle around the fear of losing feelings for my boyfriend and not having him in my life anymore, but I always miss him, and I look at him and have fond loving feelings for him. I crave his attention and affection (not sexually). I think about how awesome everything was before my mind turned off and I miss those days. I’ve told him what’s been going on, and he has never dealt or known anyone who has dealt with depression. He is confused because our relationship was going so well then out of nowhere I changed and seem unhappy. He is usually very supportive but he is withdrawing from me I assume b.c this is hard for him too and it’s difficult to give me the attention I need when he has to help himself too. It makes me sad that I am doing this to him. I love him, I know I do, I want a future with him and he is what I want in my life. But I am afraid of a couple things- 1... That my depression is causing me to have delusional thoughts about how I feel about him 2... That how I feel about him is what actually caused the depression 3. That maybe I really don’t feel for him and im just trying to fight what im really feeling (but this doesn’t make sense because I was the happiest I’ve ever been the day before my mind turned off) 4- that I will always feel like this no matter who I’m with If anyone here has experiences this before please let me know. Tell me, for you was it just depression and it did cause irrational thoughts, or did you get depressed because you did stop feeling for them and you were just fighting it, did the issue get resolved and how? I need insight, this is the first time I’ve ever joined and posted on one of these things. I’m looking for any answers. Really feel like I’m going crazy and so desperate for answers. It’s like my mind wont rest till I find an alternative answer that doesn’t involve me ending it with the man I love.
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