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Posts posted by dude333

  1. There is Social Security Disability Insurance in the US. You can even start the application online, or you can go straight to the social security office.

    I also have feelings of being alone, lacking control of my life, being drained, having most of my "friends" turn on me, and more. I wish I could help you, but I don't know the way out.

  2. I used to be anti-meds. I had been placed on Welbutrin by itself, and it would make me furious at first and then really down. I guess I had always been anti-meds, because I don't generally like taking pills in general.

    Then I was required to take meds, and eventually wound up on Effexor after several others failed badly. Effexor made a huge difference for me in anxiety and took care of my IBS, even though it doesn't really "cure" my depression and has side effects. So I guess with experience, I have become pro-meds.

  3. One otherwise harmful psychologist once made a good point to me. What if it is worse after death? None of us really knows what is after death. I personally don't see how conscious ghosts can exist because they don't have physical brains and therefore can't think, but I recognise that I could be wrong. I really want an end to existence, but I don't want to be stuck as a ghost either.

  4. No, I don't really care either. I don't really have the bring it on attitude, but I'm not very concerned either. I have several days of food and water just in case there is an ice storm or tornado that isolates me from going to town, and a couple rifles with lots of ammo that could be used for hunting or defense, but that's about it.

    The way I figure it, there would be armed gangs ******* others and stealing whatever they come across to survive, so it would be pointless to have a big stockpile in isolation. However, I could take out as many of them as I could to make them pay...

  5. Having been through MEPS (military examination and processing station) I concur that seeing a doctor as an adult hurts ones chances of getting into the military. The military does ask about mental health, there are penalties for lying about mental health including (but not likely) jail time, and if you do have a mental history then you will need to get a waiver to get into the military. The waiver will take a while, and that is the last thing you need right now in my opinion.

    I hope you are just going through a rut right now due to bad things happening in your life. If I'm right, you will start to get better as you go to basic and find purpose, friends, and respect.

  6. I get some of these feelings too. I can't say what causes them for you, but I can say what causes them for me and maybe you can relate...

    loneliness-my marriage fell apart and I feel alone even though I'm still living with her

    lack of sleep-don't know all of the time, sometimes it is due to bad dreams due to my obsessing over things

    poor diet-because I don't care

    lack of exercise-because I don't care

    no desire to be active and do tasks-depression

    anxiety-it's just my nature I guess

    boredom - because I'm too lazy to do anything

    negativity - I prefer to think of it as being realistic about life

    frustration from no way to 'counter' no clear way to help myself - I don't bother with that anymore

    irritation, something missing, desire to 'get out' - my irritation is helped by effexor (it was stress) and love is missing from my life

    not really wanting to be around people-supposed PTSD symptom, but I don't trust people or generally even like them

  7. I feel similar. I used to be known as a hard worker, but now I'm lazy and unmotivated. I don't like leaving my house unless I have to, and my marriage has fallen apart so I'm lonely and unloved too. I've developed some online contacts to chat with, but not any real life contacts outside of family. Things look hopeless for me. Life sucks.

  8. I don't have any insight. However, you seem to be coping better than me. I fell apart and haven't bothered picking up the pieces. I'm tired of the struggle to get by. I also wake up periodically through the night, and I settle for getting by at the end of the day. If I did something or not, it's all the same to me. I figure my life is hopeless and that I will never get better. Once I lose my benefits which are supporting my family, I will probably go back to trying to **** myself so my family can have survivor's benefits. I'm just too scared and incompetent to succeed.

  9. I hate myself. I also hate life in general, and I'm bitter towards society. I'm a bad person apparently, that is what people have been telling me for years and not even my counselor disagreed. I don't know why I'm bad, but I just accept it. I'm also lazy, worthless, ugly, and a drain on society. I don't mind being a drain on society that much because of my bitterness towards it, but it doesn't help my self esteem what I've become.

  10. I was searching for "depression chat" on google, and came across this site. I had left some other forums because they were out of control in the posting of privately identifiable information in attacks on others, which I didn't like. I knew that what goes around, comes around. I didn't want to be any part of it, so I gave up most of my internet friends and those forums. That left me with not much to do while I'm awake alone at night. Hopefully I can find another group of people to chat with.

  11. I was an armed security gaurd who had 4 years of federal service, when I decided to go active duty army to get more experience that I could use working in the federal government while working for a pension. I wound up in military intelligence and had several options. One was to become a NCO and then a warrant officer, another was similar in becoming a warrant officer but for flying helicopters. Or I could have served out my contract and then went back into federal service with a better job. I got depressed, and I lost everything I had worked for years to build up. Now I'm on disability.

  12. I used to believe in predestination before my depression. I've since changed my mind, and free will is the only way I can make sense of the world. Everybody has free will, and sometimes the free wills work together, and sometimes the free wills conflict. When something doesn't work out, it just means that it worked out for someone else with a conflicting need and free will. There are also people who are evil, one sees more of it outside the Western world, and they have free will too. Bad things that happen, like 9/11 and the ethnic cleansing of Christians and Jews in Iraq during the occupation, were the result of evil people succeeding with their free will.

    If there is a deity that predestined all the evil in the world, I don't want to serve it.

  13. I've been on effexor for over 4 years in addition to at least 1 year of Wellbutrin. I'm also on Abilify. The Effexor is successful in taking care of my anxiety, and the Welbutrin helps on my lack of energy and mood a little. I take 225 mg of Effexor after dinner, and 3 pills of 100 mg Welbutrin spread throughout the day. Any more Welbutrin than this causes my heart to race after taking my Effexor. But the level I'm at doesn't have any side effects due to the combination of the two. I haven't noticed any side effects from Welbutrin, and some of the side effects from Effexor went away at least partly with the Welbutrin. I still get some Effexor side effects, but that's it.

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