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About dude333

  • Birthday 04/11/1974

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  1. I don't like the victim mentality. We are adults, and are responsible for our own actions. I think that if something needs to be changed, then it should be changed. Also blaming others for our own failings I see as a refusal to take responsibility for one's own actions. There is too much of that in my nation on both sides of the political spectrum, and I don't want to take part in it. I also don't want to be angry. Anger leads to doing things that might hurt others, and it can lead to hate. I don't want to be hateful, there is too much of that in the world on all sides also.
  2. When I am overwhelmed with too many things, I focus working on one thing, and hope that if I take care of the one thing then I can work on the next thing and so on. I've been told by counselors that other people have it worse than me. I don't care, it isn't a competition and I still feel bad. Comparing oneself to others is not good, I don't know why professionals do it to us. So regardless of how others have things, your situation is valid too. And with your Pyschology background, you might not agree, but sometimes depression is genetic. I had a counselor who disagreed with me once about the genetic component of depression. It leads to a chemical imbalance in the brain. So for some people, no matter how good things are, if they have the genes for reduced MAOA activity or some other condition, then they will struggle.
  3. I've always dealt with feelings of rejection. It's been really bad lately. I really try to be a good person, but I've messed up at times thinking I was doing the right thing but later deciding I was wrong. I have had really bad self-loathing for that. So even though I try to be a good person, since hardly anyone likes me and everyone rejects me eventually, there must be something bad about me. I just don't know what it is.
  4. The first time I was on Welbutrin, I would have hours of rage, and then I would crash and get really depressed. I refused to take it anymore. The next time I was on Welbutrin, I was also already on Effexor which really smoothed out the Welbutrin effects for me. So my experience with Welbutrin is that it is horrible for anxiety but great with mood if it is with another medication to help with the anxiety. Others may be affected differently though.
  5. I've had times in my life where I was really paranoid, but people really were out to get me one of those times and they ruined my life. They still might be out to get me, I don't know if they moved on or not.
  6. I've gotten the radio voices before. In my case it was like there was a baseball game on the radio. I used to hear other voices too, like a telepathic connection to some malevolent people who were out to get me. I have schizoaffective disorder by the way. However, it is possible to hallucinate due to severe depression, it is called major depressive disorder with psychotic features. An anti-psychotic, Abilify, mostly got rid of the hallucinations for me.
  7. I get the brain fog and lack of motivation too. The lack of motivation was worse at a higher dose (225 mg) and now I am at 75 mg so the lack of motivation is a little better. However, I can't go any lower or I get really upset about things.
  8. I don't know why I even bother. Hardly anyone, if anyone, even likes me. I have made online friends, and then they disappear and I have no idea why. There must be something wrong with me as a person, but I don't know what.
  9. This response made me feel attacked, so I haven't responded until now. I didn't know at the time I met her that her low self-esteem could cause problems. Even if I had known, I would have preferred relationship problems to being single. She is the only person who seems to have ever had any interest in me. I had, and still have, no other options.
  10. I've been on Effexor for about ten years now, and have taken it in the evening before. The problem for me was that when I took meds in the evening, I would feel them wearing off in the afternoon. So now I am back to taking them all in the morning with coffee. Effexor makes me tired too, but some people it supposedly energizes (according to my psychiatrist).
  11. I doubt there is a deity but accept that I can't prove it one way or the other. So I don't know if I am an atheist or agnostic, nor do I care much. Maybe I should just call myself an heathen. Or I shall take the Resident Evil series as my books of prophesy? With the recent AI developments I have been reading, maybe I should go with Terminator instead, and call myself a Luddite.
  12. Since I don't know you, I can't really say anything for sure. I just know that normal people tend to avoid me probably due to my depression. As for the confidence issue, going into a relationship with low self-esteem can mean trouble. My wife has had low self-esteem since I met her, and it has caused trouble for both of us. For me, talking to her can be scary sometimes, since I don't know how she will react when she gets into her moods. Also a person with low self-esteem can be taken advantage of by partners, and there are some people out there who prey on those with low self-esteem. So while I don't think that low self-esteem will scare guys away like depression can, having low self-esteem can certainly be a problem.
  13. First timer on a forum. Heart is so confused mind is so restless...  trust issues are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 

  14. I've gone through something similar with my wife, and of course my wife never admitted doing anything wrong, and for years refused to admit there was a problem even when I asked her directly if she was upset at me or something. Of course she was upset at me, I was angry with her for several years and acted like a jerk while in her eyes I became weak because I got depressed. And when some women are upset or lose their feelings and respect for their partner, they aren't very physical anymore. She probably doesn't understand your depression and need for help from her, because she has her own feelings to work through regarding your changes.
  15. First of all, know that it is not your fault that he is depressed. Secondly, know that depression is an illness and not a choice. So it isn't his fault either that he is depressed. Like with any illness, they often just happen due to genetics, years of choices with unintended consequences, etc. So you have no reason to be upset that he is depressed and can't be a good father or husband. If he had become paralyzed instead of depressed, would you still be upset with him for no longer being a good father or husband? However, you should not have to put up with emotional abuse. If he is harming you or the kids through intentional behavior (like verbally abusing, threatening physical harm, etc), then I would agree that you have a good reason to leave. When I was delusional and angry with my wife, she accused me of being emotionally abusive. I was angry with her and said some mean things, but so did she. That doesn't make it right what I did, but it still hurt when she would turn on me for some of the same reasons you have mentioned for separating from your husband. She kicked me out three times in about 4 years by the way. When I realized that my anger was due to hallucinations and not reality, I lost my anger and I still feel very remorseful for what I did. Do you know if he is angry with you and why? Solving those questions could possibly change things.
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