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Naretari

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  1. Oh, axel... I seriously wish this works out for you. Being abused and also raised in a homophobic family, it's really harsh. I'm not exactly an expert, but it sounds to me like you are simply attracted to people you feel safe and comfortable with. Maybe you just need to stop being too worried about labels and follow your heart. About your marriage, since you are still pretty young, my opinion would be not to rush this, and feel sure before you do the big step. On the one side, you shouldn't get married just to be accepted as "being normal". On the other side, don't turn him down only because you like women too. You need to figure out what you really want in the long term. Best of luck :)
  2. That's pretty cute, jennilaura It must be hard to find happiness, though... I'm bicurious. And monogamic like a pidgeon. Also, I'm...well... something between asexual and selective. I'd call it "sexually absent-minded" . I look like I'm asexual/cold, and don't feel like fishing around for a sexual partner. But for the one person in 5 years who will manage to catch my eye, then BOOM! I become a woman able to do anything. As a result, everyone believes I'm just too dumb to keep my eyes open to find someone. ...but I must admit it has never turned out well for me (the one person in 5 years part, I mean) I probably sound like a psycho now (maybe I am)
  3. I broke up with him... It feels so strange... I was crying when I told him, but he was quite cool and kind of comforting. He was expecting it. He tried to change my mind, but not too passionately-just repeated the same old excuses. In the end, all I went through the last year were for nothing. I don't want to get back in what we had, but I already miss him... I hope he won't disappear. I worry for him too, he's the kind of person that does crazy stuff when something isn't right. By the way, I saw in his library an old-fashioned book about sexual problems. "Homosexuality" was among the rest. I hope he didn't pick the book for that reason, he'll never be happy if he's gay AND thinks of it that way...
  4. If he is, he hasn't told me about it... I know about the effects they may have, but since I have no idea what may be happening I can do nothing more :(
  5. Don't worry, I've been scared for a long time already... I can hardly see anything good coming out of this. Thanks, you're very sweet! (Your guy must be a lucky one :) ) I'm currently away from him because of holidays, so I'm recovering. We're speaking through phone, but we don't have much to say-it's kind of awkward, and in the end I always find an excuse to close the phone early. I hope I don't look like a b*tch, doing that :p I'll wait till I go back so that we can speak face-to-face... so I guess I'll have news in 2 weeks. Many thanks for your support, I'll tell you how this will end!
  6. Oh... that... doesn't sound good. Thanks a million for telling me, I'll keep it in mind. He is a person who panics relatively easily (because of overthinking stuff), so I'm confused about the reasons he could be sexually anxious. There are times he loses his focus for minor reasons, and cannot figure out whether it's an excuse or not. Same goes for his body reactions, there are short times he's obviously manly and others (the most) he's just all over me, kissing and stuff. He never forces me out of the bed though, he seems to really like sleeping over, he just won't go all the way down on me unless I beg or something. And yeah, I do have a MAJOR problem! I probably need to make a list of questions on the topic for him... I need to try and ask in a way that won't hurt him, though, no matter what he's trying to hide it can't be easy for him.
  7. We kind of did it last night (I'm not sure if it counts as first time, but won't get into details). It was weird for some reasons. For esample, he seemed to like it, but when it was over he asked "had I to do this for you to appreciate me?" Then we started warming up again, but he had a phone call from his job and had to leave within 15 mins, he asked if he could go later but the guy in the phone said no. What's weird is that, although I do know he has lessons early at saturday/sunday, I didn't listen to the call. Also, I was thinking of other guys when we started, and though I'm glad he FINALLY did something without hesitation, I'm not sure how I feel about this anymore. The guy's gonna drive me insane, I swear. Did any of you have such a weird relationship or am I the only one???
  8. Thanks for your replies :) Spiritual Wanderer, I've tried to talk to him about it but I didn't go far. He closed the subject saying "of course I do it for myself too" and similar stuff. Not too convincing after all this time. I'm at the verge of breaking up to tell you the truth, not because I don't love him but because I can't take it anymore. Maybe I should tell him straightforward how close I am to breaking up, and ask him to tell me what the real problem is? Pandoren, good point. I haven't thought of the possibility of him being asexual, mainly because at the first months we were together he didn't behave like an asexual, in any aspect. Maybe something I don't know about happened in the meantime? So, I guess he could be female-ish (his face is a little female-ish too) yet still liking women? I saw the term "metrosexual" around the internet, perhaps that could be the case (though I'm not sure I understand the term too well yet...)
  9. I don't care who is my real boyfriend, I'd do anything to actually make him happy... (I'm a girl btw, and bisexual) But I'm not even sure he likes women. He's the type who could deny it to himself. I won't lie, he's my first (kind of) and it would hurt if he's gay, but it hurts even more to feel that someone I care so deeply about has a huge problem and I can do nothing. I'm worried sick, every single day, and some stories I've heard of health problems that could be related to it don't help at all. Soooo... Why I think he may be gay: -We never had full-on sex up to now, and we’re one and half year together. The first 6 months he acted crazy for me (sexually), but it was physically painful for me. I solved that via hymen surgery, but then he distanced himself physically for almost a year, with only some rare sex games helping me to be patient. A week ago I started crying on him, he said he had an anxiety problem (work and stuff-he almost started crying on me too) and promised to take care of it. Now he seems to have fought his drawbacks and to have all the will to do it, but even if he does, I still don’t know why he seems to want it mainly to keep ME happy. He did tell me he felt bad about it as a man some of the failed times, but now all he's telling me is "you don't deserve such behavior from my side" and "I promise to make you happy every day" as if he won't do it for himself. -He doesn’t have many friends, the only one I've personally seen all this time is a cousin. And we're talking of a guy who is acting as if I'm marriage material (I don't worry too much about marriage, he's more of a home person than me) -When he tries to act funny he usually uses female voices and moves. He seems to have a little too much fun joking that way, he does it every time when he's around me and feels relaxed enough to joke. He'd love to play gay roles at the theater too. Why I don’t think he’s gay: -When we’re at bed, he likes to look at my face and feel my body on him. He loves my legs too. -He hugs and kisses me all the time, he really seems to be the sweetest and most caring guy in the world. (He IS warmer when we’re out with friends, but that could be because he’s happier and expresses it) -Our sexual problems could be because of some problem of him, he seems to have difficulties at ejaculating. I don't know what the hell is going on. Please give me some opinions...
  10. The relationship is what's causing me depression. (Kind of. I can feel so hurt and so happy for diffrent reasons at the same time, it's weird)
  11. Got some news (and an actual post with questions :p ) I FINALLY managed to open a conversation with him about it. He brought the topic of my surgery back again, so I know it was really bothering him all this time-I tried to explain him that HE was the one who actually...well...turned me into a woman, and that really seemed to lift his spirits, he was practically singing later. But he still avoided to tell me why he didn't get on with me when I were on the pill. And he still doesn't seem too willing to please himself or me. He has only told me stuff like "it's not the most important thing in our relationship" or "Is that all you think about?" or "the "technical problems" with the condoms and the entry turn me off" On the positive side, his good mood is back and he has started to show playfulness again. We're back from sub-zero to point zero. On the negative side, it's very often when he may throw me on the bed, kiss me and then his mood suddenly changes and he just leaves me there. It's the moment where he suddenly remembers he's tired or something like that. Also, he's getting obsessed over the fact he's got a kinda big belly while I'm underweight-he's too sensitive about it, can it really turn a guy down so badly or it's just an excuse??? He acts like I'm too cute all the time and no one believes he may not want me. But he seems so eager to live away from his family and settle down... I'm the definition of "good girl" and a good cook, he can calm down near me, and also everyone speaks as if we're engaged already. But this doesn't mean I actually light his fire. The fact he likes acting and is good with words doesn't make things easier. I know that if I could dance well, or act, or play with words better (practically I'm describing my little sis here ) he'd be more moved. If after 1,5 year of being together I can't figure out what to do to keep him warmed up, do I have any chance at all? I don't know if I should press him with more questions, and what sort of questions these should be. Or maybe I should just keep doing what I do and let him chase after me if he wants me. What do you think would be best? I have found a way to function for now-I manage to care only for my work for some time, and then I'm OK psychologically. But when he comes the whole structure breaks down and I start thinking only of him and our relationship like some clueless teen. I'm afraid I might just break down the next time he pushes me away, and start crying in front of him-and using this kind of pressure for sexual matters on him, it just seems...disgraceful. So I got up to here, but have no idea about what can I do next...Or what to think, even...
  12. Thank God, everything seems to be OK with my mother now. :) :) :) Sooo... time to go back to my main problem... :( Gawsh, I have made no progress with him at all. (As if it would have been THAT easy to solve the problem...) He got himself a ton of work again, and I've only seen him once since my last post. And you know, Murphy's law always has to strike: the ONE time I had decided to talk to him, he comes in the house and acts just like when we had first met. Naturally, I didn't want to start complaining the exact next time we met, although he was back to his depressive self. But I lost my chance that way. I'm not gonna find a chance to talk to him within the year at this rate. My brain has turned into a chessboard where I plot ways to corner him in any kind of situation that may arise, at these few times we manage to meet. And I DO want to break up with him after all, unless he proves to be actually willing to change. I can't afford being with a guy who (1) does nothing but staying shut inside the house, overstudying or eating (2) shows passion for nothing else at all (even the usual stuff, like movies or sex) and (3) makes me weaker every passing day by wrecking my psychology-even if he doesn't aim for it. I may love him and want to help him, but if the only one I can make happy is me, I will. Now it's carnibal, and there's a dance where people usually go to meet guys/girls, or dance with their significant other. I was thinking of asking him to go there, and if he refuses again to go alone and let him know. If he doesn't care I'll just try to meet some other guy in the dance and go out with him. I feel so fed up with this. Edit: Well, the truth is, I did go once at this dance already few days ago, masked to hide my ID and all (all ladies do that traditionally). But it was without him knowing, I just told him I were out for a drink alone, and he actually seemed t have too much work to go out. When someone proposed me to dance, I just couldn't accept (although it was just a blues, and although he was more good-looking than my guy). I preferred to finish my drink alone, cry for some time in the toilets, and then go back home for one more. Am I crazy???
  13. It looks like looking after my own self may have actually worked!!! He did a surprise to me and came at my place, and let's say I won't be able to complain for quite some time. We still didn't do full sex, as some of my "technical problems" were back, but he tried again after a long time. And he's been calling me 5 times a day. I keep my fingers crossed that this wasn't just a one-time thing, it's still great to have a backup plan though. :) Who knew love could need one to look after their own self, and to be ready to slap the other person anytime XD
  14. BMPHOTO- That's really encouraging, thanks!!! It's great to hear first-hand there are cases where things actually get better Thanks for the suggestion too, I wasn't thinking about opening the conversation that way, but I'll put special care in not doing a mistake of being agressive once I actually get to the talk :) Darcness-That's a great way of naming the problem. "He cannot solve it that way". A nice way to tell it to him while encouraging him to think of something better, and without seeming to ignore his own intention to work on it (supposing he DID actually do some research on the matter, as I believe by the book I found at his house) Thanks for helping me to gradually set things at an order in my head! Now I believe I'm finally prepared to talk to him about it next time he tries to "calm me down" at the middle of the foreplay. I'm probably going to keep things calm for the next 1-2 weeks, since I'm on exams (not a time for more emotional rollercoasters...) but that's as far as I'm gonna wait the most.
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