Without making it sound tedious, here is a short description of my life - Both parents have neurotic symptoms. Father is bipolar and a control freak. Mother is very prone to depression. Sister has mild mental retardation and borderline personality disorder. Grew up in a very tense environment. There was very high academic pressure on me and on my sister. I could cope with it but my sister due to her mental retardation couldn't. My mother, very stressed by my sister's inability to cope up academically, used to hit her often. It used to feel like nails on chalkboard to me. I became very stressed inside. At the times I got angry with my sister, I used to hit her too. I regret it now, but what's the point? The damage was permanant. During my teenage, I developed a very severe case of acne. The medicine I took for it (Isotretinoin) - has a very disastrous side effect - it causes premature fusion of the long bone epiphyses and early termination of growth in height. My height was arrested at 5'7, when at a time, my height was scaled on a percentile to reach 6'2.. But the growth arrest affected only my long bones and not my head. My head grew up to the size it is in a tall and well built person. The result - I look ugly with a very scarred face, unattractive due to my short height and disproportionately large head. I was bullied often at school. My social skills were very ********, on top of that, my acne was a frequent target for ridicule. I used to get very jealous of the socially forward students/smooth talkers, who had no trouble getting into relationships (To make matters worse, these were the people who used to be very good looking too) I tried to compensate by doing well academically. But as fate would have it, I peaked at the wrong time by excelling greatly in relatively meaningless exams while failing at the critically important ones. College is really stressful. All the good looking girls get taken after a year or two. Plus the workload of studies. Having a poor self-esteem really screws up your chances with girls, especially in my case when I am already in the negative because of my bad looks. I have almost reached the end of my college years, and still have never been in a relationship. I see myself getting old, I see the good looking guys pick up the good looking girls smoothly and I see my life withering away. In March 2009, I declared my love for a girl who didn't love me back (she was quite good looking). Her refusal was kind enough, but still I felt she said no because I'm not the best of guys, looks and personality wise. People say break-ups hurt more than rejection. All I want to say to that is - You have a chance to prevent a break up. Rejections don't give you that privilege. Once you drop the L bomb, there is no picking it back. My friends said I acted 'spontaneously' (a polite term for 'rashly'), and should have given due thought before taking such a wild step. Because, according to them, if I had given due thought to this, I would have 'realised' that an ugly guy like me doesn't have a 'chance' with a good looking girl like her. I was diagnosed with depression in May 2009. Started medication with Cipralex 10mg in March 2010. Doubled the dose to 20mg in July 2011. Improved my social anxiety somewhat. But it doesn't help much in the relationship department if you have bad looks. And the improvement in social anxiety I got from the medication came at a cost. After I doubled my dose, my weight shot up dramatically. I put on 15 kg in 3 months. Add 'fat man' to the long list of negatives about me. So there you have it. Family - Pathetic. Academics - Not good at times when it matters (And it being good in the times when it doesn't matter only adds insult to injury, because of the simple reason that other people (and yourself, subconsciously) know that you 'have' the potential to do good but presume that your faliures at critical junctures are due to your 'lack of hard work' at the right time. Social life - Recently when a friend of mine asked a girl (incidently the same girl who rejected me), what were my chances of being in a relationship with another good looking girl, the girl responded by saying 'He should stop having such big dreams and see his (scarred) face in the mirror first.' A month back, I came across an advertisement for a face wash soap - It said 'Use this if you don't want your grandmother to be the only girl to ever kiss you.' Pretty amazing to see the lengths that the ad companies go to promote their product - they are even ready to ridicule a genuine medical condition. All in all, I know I'm not going to gain anything by posting it. Getting positive replies from people on this forum might stroke my fragile ego for a while, but it still won't help in the long run. I wish I was kinder to my sister (her social life is a lot worse than mine). I wish I hadn't sent my life on a downward spiral by saying 'I love you' to that girl. I wish I could change some of the wrong things I had done in past. Because, when you already have a lot of negatives which you CAN'T change, it makes it even more tough and depressing to see your inability to improve the negatives which you CAN change. I have considered suicide. I know painless methods to **** myself. It is VERY easy to procure the stuff I need to go ahead with it. And a lot of times, I think its not a question of 'if' but a question of 'when'