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Everything posted by ellemint

  1. I haven't experienced that myself, but that is a paradoxical side effect that many mood medications have --- the risk of suicide. It's not your fault that you were one of those who are physiologically affected that way. It's unfortunate that your family is not more supportive but I'm sure deep down they are relieved that you did not succeed. You survived. That's good. That is what is important. Do you have a counsellor or therapist that you can talk to about this? take care, ellemint
  2. Is the one year of full-time study at the beginning or end of the social work program? Have you looked at other universities? -- because social work is often offered part-time because so many people pursue that as a second career. Also some of them even offer part of their programs on-line. good luck ! ellemint
  3. Exelion, hearing back from 1 of 6 jobs you've applied to is actually quite good :) I do agree that when employers advertise they often put every last job duty down for that position and in fact some of those things you end up rarely doing. In my case, pretty well every position I've ever applied for has mentioned statistics since I work in research, but in my previous jobs I've probably done statistics only a few hours a month if that. Also, remember it's highly likely that most applicants are missing one or two of the skills listed in a job description. It's very rare that an applicant would have each and every skill that is required unless they were already doing the job. I hope everyone's job searches continue --- let's not let fear and doubt hold us back ! ellemint
  4. I would have to think more about your question before answering. But I just wanted to say that I'm a big fan of the Strengths-based approach pioneered by the folks at Kansas University. I like the way it focuses on capabilities and positives instead of always focusing on symptoms or negative things. I would love to know how it's going with the self-help class as you progress through it. :) ellemint
  5. Thanks FeelinBlueAllTheTime --- I will have to apply to many jobs, but it's a start. :) You face some challenges in terms of job search, (as do most of us) , but I can't help but think that you're discounting your positives. The fact that you graduated with a university degree despite a serious learning disability is HUGE! That is a big accomplishment. I know you must have intelligence and skills to be able to do that! Where I live they have career centers designed to help people with any disability whether learning disability, or physical, or mental health issues. Do you know if you have anything like that where you live? Or even an ordinary government career center. I have found the people at these places really encouraging. Or your university's student career center. They might be able to help you work on what is called a "functional" resume, one that doesn't have a list of jobs, but emphasizes things you can do. And sometimes what we view as a negative can also be a positive. The place I applied is a big mental health and addiction center and they actually encourage people who have experienced mental health or addiction problems to apply for employment----places like that exist. They know that those of us who have experienced those problems bring to the job knowledge, compassion, and a valuable understanding of what their clients are going through. Getting a job is a big goal. Break it down into tiny little steps. I would start by thinking of the smallest, easiest step you can take to begin a job search and do that tomorrow. And build from there. You can do it! Oh, and don't forget about self-employment, take a look at the following link for inspiration. http://www.icontact-...UV7VZu25CAHsQAd :) ellemint
  6. Thanks triciaann21 ! --- I did apply, I have a whole thread about it in Depression Central. :)
  7. I used to self-medicate with alcohol. The thing is alcohol interferes with the action of anti-depressants and prevents them from working. My doctor flat out told me that no anti-depressant is going to work if you're drinking every day. So not only is alcohol a central nervous system and mood depressant on its own, but it's messing with your anti-depressant. I quit drinking in 2012 and honestly I do not miss it, which I found kind of surprising. all the best, ellemint
  8. Thanks guys ! Good for you Michael! - go get 'em. And that's great Lucbut !---getting your resume ready is an important first step. One strategy I used for getting this done was to ask myself "What is the smallest most tiny step I could take on this task to make some progress?" In this case, it was to go to my computer and look at my resume. And from there I tweaked it a little and built momentum. Also, I have near my desk a reminder that "The more you try to avoid unpleasant feelings, the harder it will be to make important changes." What this means to me is that I am going to have to put up with some anxiety as I apply for jobs and if I get an interview. And that's OK. Before I submitted my application I did a deep-breathing exercise to calm myself --- which helped quite a bit. And I acknowledged but did not act on the feeling that I had to work on my cover letter and c.v. for hours to make them perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect --- just good enough to highlight my skills. After all, in most cases an HR person is going to spend all of maybe 30 seconds scanning an application for the relevant information. BTW, the deep-breathing exercise called 4/7/8 is from Andrew Weil MD, but I think it's based on yoga breathing. Here it is. You keep your tongue against pressed against your upper palate just by your front upper teeth throughout the exercise so that your throat is not obstructed. Breathe IN deeply for 4 seconds/counts with mouth closed. Hold for 7 seconds. Breathe out fully with lips pursed (making a woosh sound) for 8 seconds. Repeat 3 or 4 times. :) ellemint
  9. I would recommend your local Community Mental Health services. They usually offer no or low-cost services and also usually know about other resources and support in your area. Some therapists will see patients on a sliding scale, based on ability to pay. I know you said you don't want to just do on-line searches but there is a website of therapist listings that includes information on if they accept sliding scale. http://therapists.ps...ytoday.com/rms/ good luck! ellemint
  10. Onewiki, I encourage you to realize that you do not have to decide whether to move or not immediately. You have some time. Take a deep breath. And take care of yourself first. Even if you should fall behind in mortgage payments, what if you get a new job within the next few months? Then you might instantly regret selling your house and moving. Even if, worst case scenario, the bank starts foreclosure proceedings on you, it takes months and months, sometimes more than a year until that process is completed. In the meanwhile you would have a chance to work on things. So don't panic. Also, check out this government site for programs providing mortgage assistance to see if you might qualify. There is help available ! You can talk to an unbiased qualified mortgage specialist through this website. http://www.makinghomeaffordable.gov/pages/default.aspx :)
  11. THANK YOU !! Twitchy1, depressedgrad & msmanic --- I went ahead and applied.---whew! I really appreciate your support and encouragement. ellemint
  12. I've been out of work for a while, over a year. I lost my last job largely due to being really depressed---- I would go in late and I missed too much work, and then ultimately pretty well stopped going in, so they were almost forced to fire me. :( I've since moved from the U.S. back to Canada. And gotten the psychiatric care I needed, and am on new meds and feeling slightly better. I know I would feel even better if I was working. I saw a job in Toronto that I am totally qualified to do except for the statistics part (I am rusty on computer statistics programs). I keep focusing on this one deficit I have and am afraid of applying, when it would so much be in my best interest to apply. I've delayed and delayed putting my application in on-line and tomorrow is the deadline. Can anyone relate? does anyone have any advice? ellemint
  13. I was doing better last week, and then for the last 2 days I slept in past noon. I've been thinking of applying for a job, and it's made me anxious and I'm avoiding it. I just need to apply --- they probably won't even contact me anyway ! :) The deadline for the job application is tomorrow aug 21st.
  14. Could her braces be delayed for the time being? I think financially speaking it is a good idea to pay off your debt. Every month you are now paying out money that you do not have to and that's never a good idea. good luck,:) ellemint
  15. Twitchy, bottom line it's your decision. It's your life, not your doctor's. I had a similar situation, in which a new psychiatrist I saw had me stop all my current meds and start new ones all at once. First of all, you should never switch so many things all at once. It didn't work out very well, and after two months I switched back to my original medication on my own. When I saw her again, she was very dismissive and said "well if you're not going to follow my orders I'm not going to prescribe anything more for you" and threatened to throw me out of the entire program in which I got to see a social worker therapist on an out-patient basis. Needless to say I did not go to see that psychiatrist again. I think some psychiatrists get into a power trip and take it as an affront when a patient doesn't bow to their 'superior knowledge'. Yes, they are trained in medication, but it is your life. Be assertive, and look out for your own health and interests. take care, ellemint
  16. Prudence, well I certainly hope the police gave him a warning. If they did and he still persists in following you around, I know you said you don't want to take it further, but depending on how much it is bothering you, you can always take out a restraining order on him, in which he cannot do things like go to your workplace. It sounds almost like stalking behavior and you should not have to put up with that. Your own warning for harassment shouldn't change the way the police deal with your own complaint. At least I would hope not. wish you well, ellemint
  17. WiltedRose, I can relate. I haven't been working because of my depression, and now am at least thinking of applying and it makes me really anxious. I too think, how do I know if I am well enough to work? How do I know the same thing won't happen----getting so depressed, being late, missing work and ultimately losing the job? I have to tell myself, I'll never know unless I do it. And that I'm not going to repeat some of the same thoughts & behaviors, like being overly-perfectionistic, being overly critical of myself, and imagining that employer's have these incredibly high expectations. I'm on Vyvanse and I experience quite a dip when it starts to wear off, I feel depressed and in a bad mood. When I was on Adderall I experienced the same thing, so I don't know if that is contributing to your feeling more depressed at night. One thing I have found is to exercise or take a walk at that time and that helps a bit. I agree it might be useful to talk to your doc about it. take care :)
  18. Well I'm on Citalopram (along with Wellbutrin) and I think it is helping me. Have you ever taken the Citalopram before? You should only be starting on a new anti-depressant under a doctor's care and supervision. If you really feel in the depths of despair though I would visit the ER rather than rely on a family doctor, because most family doctors are not experts in mental health. At the ER they usually have someone from a Crisis Team that meets with you and could get you some immediate help. I did this myself when I first returned to Canada because I was on a long waiting list to see a psychiatrist. It was no big deal. And as I said most communities have free Community Mental Health services --- and they usually know of all kinds of additional resources, including financial counselling etc. I hope you are not beating yourself up for being depressed and losing your job. Depression can be very debilitating --- it is not personal weakness. You deserve to get care and support, so I hope you reach out and get it. take care :)
  19. Michael, there are a bunch of free ACT resources and worksheets at the following website: http://www.thehappin.../free_resources Another ACT site: http://www.actmindfully.com.au/ A link to finding an ACT therapist in your area: http://contextualpsychology.org/civicrm/profile?gid=17&reset=1&force=1 :)
  20. Hairybiker, I don't know what country you live in, but there are employee rights in most countries. I don't know if any employer has a right to demand that you work over-time regularly, at least in the U.S. and Canada. Also the bait and switch tactic, you could report that to your state's Unemployment Insurance agency. Also check out employment laws. In the U.S.: http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/lawsprog.htm Good luck, it does sound awful to be trapped in an untenable situation. Also, be careful with your back with a that heavy lifting!!!! take care, ellemint :)
  21. Onewiki, I feel for you. I was in a very similar situation, no family at all where I lived, and did have to sell my home at a loss and move while in the middle of a serious depression. Since I was also moving 1000 miles from the U.S. to Canada, I simply could not afford to move much of my stuff so I ended up getting rid of probably 80 % of my belongings. I have huge regrets about some of the things I lost---like my stereo and old records, artwork, textbooks---but I simply could not afford to move it all. I know it's just stuff but every once in a while I will realize with a pang something I no longer own and I feel stricken with loss. Or you could try to put some ads up and sell some items although I will tell you these days people want to pay next to nothing for even the most beautiful object and furniture. I would have rented my place out but in the condo complex where I lived this was not allowed. If you are close to completing your mortgage I would look into renting your place out, or is there a way you could stay in it and rent out a room to a student, or something like that. Home prices are so low in many areas of the U.S.--I don't know where you live --- but if it's in the U.S. now is a terrible time to sell. As I said I ended up taking a loss on my condo and after paying a mortgage for 10 years I had absolutely nothing to show for it. If you do sell I would encourage you to try to sell it yourself. It's really not that complicated and it was the sales commissions (which the seller pays) that ended up taking a big bite. That way you pay a lawyer to close the sale for you and you only have to pay the buyer's agent commission. You could save thousands of dollars this way. If you do move, I would concentrate on clearing and packing one room at a time. That way you get a feeling of completion and see that you are getting somewhere. Otherwise it seems like you are working and working and never get anywhere. There are some donation places that if you pack up your stuff they will come to your house and pick it all up in one or two trips. That saves a lot of driving and you having to haul heavy boxes of stuff to the Goodwill etc. You don't necessarily have to go and stay in a hospital to get care. You can go to the Emergency Room and tell them you can't get in to see a psychiatrist soon enough and need help right away. They will not lock you away against your will or anything like that unless you threaten suicide or harm to others. That way you could maybe get on an anti-depressant that might possibly help you. Also depending where you live, there might be Community Mental Health resources which are free. Most communities have free credit and financial counselling for people in your situation. You could do a google search, because there are government programs that will enable you to pay a lower mortgage rate for a while. And the financial counsellors may have guidance and advice for you so you don't have to lose your home. I would strongly encourage you to do this --- there are a lot more options out there than you might think. Anyway, I wish you well, and if you have more real estate questions a good place to ask questions is on HGTV message boards. There are lots of realtors on there and they will answer your questions about the current market etc. http://boards.hgtv.com/eve/ good luck, and if there's any other way I can help you let me know. take care, ellemint
  22. What you have written here, especially about your strong reactions to medications and situations, made me think of a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person". I wouldn't call it a clinical diagnosis---the author Elaine Aaron describes a condition in which: "The trait manifests in a highly sensitive nervous system present from birth and probably inherited, much like other personality traits or physical features. Highly sensitive people, or HSPs as Aron calls people who possess this trait, are much more sensitive to nearly everything they experience -- from the sensory characteristics of objects and events, to the subtleties of inner feelings and relationships between people." Maybe worth checking out. :)
  23. Yes, I experience that. There's something about sleep that makes me depressed, I'm sure it's biochemical. I feel worst in the morning and tend to feel better at night, so I always want to extend the night-time. I also don't want to go to sleep because I know what awaits me in the morning. I feel like the Celexa in combination with some mindfulness exercises I am doing, and yoga, have reduced that horrible awakening feeling of depression and dread by about 50 %. There were times when I would wake up and my heart would be thumping really fast and I would almost be in a panic, I'd feel sick with dread.
  24. Exile 30, it is never too late to seek help at any age. There is no cut-off. There is no given age when anyone has everything together. All humans have problems and suffering is part of being human. Even those who on the outside appear to have it all together --- that is never the case, because having struggles is part of life for everyone. Everyone on this planet is dealing with something: no one's life is perfect. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor to discuss the way you feel? You don't have to go on feeling this dismal or bad about yourself. There IS hope. In the meanwhile, I don't know if you'll already seen it, but there's an entire thread devoted to bullying and abuse. check it out! take care, ellemint
  25. Fibonacci, sometimes if nothing interests you it's better to do something, anything----just for the sake of doing something. Any activity is better than not doing anything (I think). A lack of pleasure or interest in things sounds like anhedonia , a clinical sign of depression. In terms of college a lot of people change their majors as their interests change. You don't have to know exactly what you want at this point, just take a variety of courses and see if any of them really interest you. Sounds like English literature or writing might be down your alley. Secondly, sometimes you have to do something first, and the interest in it comes later. take care :) ellemint
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