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Everything posted by ellemint

  1. Poetry - yes! I also write poetry and find it helps. Also, reading poetry. And song-writing and playing music with others -- although right now I don't have anyone to do that with---that is probably one of the most fun things ever.
  2. Also, on the farmacologiac site, to get a breakdown of your score and why you scored that way and also a list of the cut-offs for mild/moderate depression etc you have to click on the 'Print' option. You don't have to print it if you don't want to, but that is how you will see all the details. The Beck's Depression Inventory is on the farmacologiaclinica site. For some reason, it is not listed if you click on the alphabetical listing of all tests, but once you do one test, for example, the Montgomery-Asberger, when you get your result and click on 'print it', on that page across the top it says in red 'other tests', and when you click on that it will bring you to a page that includes the Beck Depression Inventory along with other scales. And as I already mentioned to someone, if it locks you out from more tests until you 'join' their association , just wait a day or two. You can go right back to testing. hope this makes sense :)
  3. That's great, effortless!! That's a huge improvement --- how did you turn things around? :)
  4. I don't have a lot of supportive friends or family, but I do find the folks on Depressionforums supportive and empathetic. Plus, there are some interesting discussions. To feel better, I'll do yoga, watch TV, get on the computer, or play with my cats, or try to get out of the house. But please don't feel like you are 'bothering' your doctor. I don't know if you're referring to your family doctor or someone more specialized, but that's their job ! Anyway, welcome to Depressionforums :) You are not alone. take care, ellemint
  5. Maybe it's because of my own background and experiences, but I think that especially when it comes to serious things, very few people are going to apologize and really mean it. They wouldn't be doing the 'bad' things if they really thought it was so bad, or if they thought they could help it. Most people are very good at rationalizing and justifying just awful behavior. Most domestic abusers don't really think their anger is out of line. They really think the object of their anger provokes it or deserves it. Apparently most people who cheat on their spouses justify it in their minds. If you are having to hope that someone has insight into how bad their behavior is, and will acknowledge it or apologize for it, it is giving them the power to make things better instead of using the power that you have to make things better even if they don't cooperate. You can acknowledge that someone did something cruel, vicious, inexplicable, sick, unkind, unfair, thoughtless, mean ---- and still forgive them for it. It doesn't mean you are saying it was OK, or that it was in any way justified.
  6. I think it is helpful to realize that many cruel things are done by people who were themselves treated cruelly. Like my father who is abusive at times -- not all the time. If I didn't forgive him, and refused to have anything to do with him, I wouldn't have a father anymore. And I come from a small family, there is no extended family. Other than my sister, who is in very little contact with us and who is even more abusive towards me -----I would have no family whatsoever. Would I be better off? No. Also, with regard to my father, he left a worn-torn country in his teens, basically a child, and never saw any of his family ever again. He NEVER speaks about his childhood or family --- I don't even know my grandparents' names. He experienced a lot of hardship and so I have compassion for his limitations. No one acts like my father does who hasn't suffered himself. And even think of it on a global scale. If the Jews and Palestinians in the Middle East could forgive each other and figure out a WORKABLE solution to their differences --- would that be better or worse? If the Muslims who are rioting because they are so offended over a film that insults their religion could have just forgiven it, would that have been better or worse? When has lack of forgiveness ever HELPED anything or made the world better?
  7. Also think of all the millions of families and relationships that are destroyed because people won't forgive each other. It's really sad. Families that no longer talk to each other because so and so didn't go to their wedding, or insulted their home decorating, or said something offensive ---- what a waste.
  8. I think it's important to remember that when we have real life stressors like the ones you describe we are going to feel worried, stressed or bad about them. That is just normal. The emotional blunting you describe can sometimes be caused by anti-depressants. So it could be a symptom of the depression itself, or , it could be the anti-depressant causing it :) Some people theorize that anti-depressants reduce negative mood, because they have an emotional blunting effect on our brain. In other words they blunt both negative and positive affect. No one really knows how anti-depressants actually work. So, just something to think about.
  9. I also find that drinking coconut water helps with nausea --- it has a lot of electrolytes. Sometimes I think it actually helps with depression too :)
  10. If y Can you elaborate what you mean by that? If you do not forgive someone, are you still not carrying some degree of negative feeling towards them, and is that going to help you and make you feel more free and able to move on? Or is it instead going to bind you, in a negative way, to feelings about or memories of that person and what they did that you are choosing not to forgive. Same goes for your self: we are often the most unforgiving of our own faults and transgressions. But if we condemn ourselves and refuse to forgive ourselves for what we have done wrong, how does that help us? How does that help us change for the better? Depressed people especially are very unforgiving of themselves. One only needs to read these forums to see the self-hate and self-contempt and shame that many people have for themselves. Withholding forgiveness from oneself is incredibly painful. And I'm not saying that forgiveness takes all the pain and hurt away. But it reduces it. Also, for me, it is one of my values to be a forgiving and compassionate person towards others and myself, as much as I can. Here is a (long) article on the topic from a religious perspective that explains what I am trying to say far better than I can (and I'm not proselytizing ! remember I'm not even religious :) : http://www.jesus-res...orgiveness.html
  11. Although there are indications that depression runs in families --- as Ep1ctetus points out it is difficult to tease out nature vs nurture. However twin and adoption studies, as well as the study on cortical thinning mentioned by Ep1ctetus provide some indication for some genetic component for a predisposition to depression. However, as an article reviewing the genetics of depression states: "Despite all efforts, thus far, no single genetic variation has been identified to increase the risk of depression substantially. Genetic variants are expected to have only small effects on overall disease risk, and multiple genetic factors in conjunction with environmental factors are likely necessary for the development of MDD. (Major depressive disorder)." Link to the article: http://www.ncbi.nlm....49/?tool=pubmed It's my personal opinion that our childhood and family play quite a large role in the "nurture" etiology of depression. I doubt if there are many depressed people who had highly nurturing supportive families that modelled healthy behavior, communicated well, and taught healthy coping and self-esteem skills---if there are I haven't met them. All the depressed people that I have known have very 'dysfunctional' families.
  12. I honestly don't know why people act this way. My only sibling, my sister stopped all contact with me once our mother died. For no reason that anyone knows. It's senseless. I'm sorry that your family is like this, you don't deserve it. take care, ellemint
  13. But letting go of resentment and anger without forgiveness, doesn't that still tie you to that person? You are still carrying the burden of unforgiveness in your heart.
  14. That's funny you brought up that question because I was thinking the exact same thing. My father is verbally abusive towards me. He knows he is doing it, he has never apologized and never will, and he will never stop. He was this way with my mother until she died. I am living with him right now and until I find a job I don't have any other options. Even though I know the abuse he hurls at me is not true, it still hurts a lot, because he seems to hate me. So I try to forgive him in my heart, even though I would never dare say that to him because he would simply yell that he has done nothing wrong. That doesn't mean that what he is doing is not wrong. But it's along the lines of "forgive them for they know not what they do". I mean, if he "knew" better, he would not be this way.
  15. Supportive of whom? you or his extended family? Look, I know that some of the suggestions you're getting here might seem unfathomable to you. You're in the middle of this situation --- the rest of us are not. So we are looking at it from a distance, and we see options for you that you don't believe you have. But you DO have options other than just forcing yourself to go to endless family functions or wimping out of them and feeling guilty ---- you really do. I would encourage you to try to step back from the situation mentally, maybe pretend a close friend had this problem. What would you suggest to them? You DO have options. Depression is a serious illness. Exhausting yourself with constant social functions or feeling burdened by guilt and shame when you don't go are not going to help. If you were fighting cancer would you feel obligated to attend every last social event? Would you feel guilty if you missed a few? I would hope not. You would be focusing on fighting the cancer and taking care of yourself. There is no biopsy for depression, but that doesn't mean it isn't a serious disorder that you need every ounce of your strength to fight, and as much support as your husband can provide to help you do this. ellemint
  16. An easy way to get the ginger is also via Gravol Natural Source Ginger tablets --- each tablet contains 500 mg of dried ginger root. That is all they contain, so they wouldn't make you drowsy.
  17. Seems to me if you are going to be on an anti-depressant that you might benefit from being on Wellbutrin since as you noted it is sold under another name as a smoking cessation drug. Unless there is a special reason for the prozac.
  18. Itstrevor, do you work out? and if you do, does that affect your mood at all?
  19. I don't think forgiveness has much to do with the actions of the forgivee, i.e. I don't believe in conditional forgiveness as in "you agreed not to do it again, so I will forgive you." Sometimes you will see parents of m***** victims forgive an unrepetant killer. I think forgiveness has to do with releasing your heart of the anger, condemnation, hurt, resentment,suffering that you yourself or someone else has caused you. It is certainly not just a simplr action or words: saying "I forgive you" is meaningless unless it affects your heart. The act of forgiveness releases you from the burden of hate and anger and hurt. In terms of self-forgiveness, I'm not religious but the Bible says that God has already forgiven you, you don't need to confess or repent. By confessing, or repenting, or not repeating the "sinful" actions --- YOU gain release from pain and shame. That is the benefit of self-forgiveness, the release from self-hate, regret, guilt. So I see forgiveness as something that you might have to work at very hard over a period of time, and struggle to achieve.
  20. There's a decent write-up on double depression on wicki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia It sounds like you had a pretty comprehensive work-up. You said you're sensitive to medication --- do you think the citalopram is having an effect yet? I ask that because 10 mg is considered a sub-therapeutic dose in most people. ellemint
  21. My initial appointment wasn't going to be until October. I called the office assistant and told her I could come over in a few minutes if they had a cancellation. I think psychiatrists especially have a lot of cancellations and no-shows. She called me in a day or two and I got an appointment in 3 days instead of 4 months. Maybe check if they could do that?
  22. What does your husband say about all this? Does he have any ideas? ellemint
  23. I hope the wait for the psychiatrist is not too long --- I finally found a good one this June. It made such a difference :) ellemint
  24. Beachgirl -- you don't know that 'everyone thinks you're a b** because you didn't go to the party. I wouldn't assume anything. They may not have even noticed that you weren't there. I'm not saying this to put you down --- but quite often we over-estimate the impact our presence or lack thereof has on others. What matters more? Your mental and physical health --- or your in-laws opinions of you? Yes, you would prefer that they like you, but as long as you are respectful and polite to them in turning down invitations there is no law in the world that says you have to put yourself second, and their wishes first. You don't have to give any excuse in turning down an invite. Let's say you had no disorder you were struggling with at all: you still might choose to not attend all of their functions. Even many non-depressed people don't want to go out all the time to obligatory family functions, especially in-law functions. You can say "you know I adore you guys, but I'm feeling maxed out on social events right now." or "I have other things I need to do right now." "I appreciate the invite but I don't like to go out this much and need some unwinding time at home" . You don't need to say you're not feeling well. How about "no I'm feeling great, but I need to not go out so much in order to feel that way." If they don't like you because you don't attend every last social event of a large extended family, then to heck with them. I would have a hard time being in the presence of people who are critical of someone who has a common mental health problem like depression or bipolar. I would be tempted to say something like "Gosh I can't believe you're all running down someone who has a common serious illness. Did you know 1 out of 10 Americans will have problems with depression at some point in their lives?". or "Oh, I just thought you said blah blah blah. I must have misheard you because I know you wouldn't be criticizing someone who is ill. That would be pathetic." Put them on the spot. ellemint
  25. People are going back to school in their 30s, 40's, 50's even 60's. Is it easy? No. Are there any guarantees that it will make them more employable? No. But there are no sure things. It seems to me you are thinking of the most negative outcome and scenario for every option you are even considering. Think of it as an exploration. I would meet with an admissions or program advisor. There is no advisor in the world who is going to reply like your imagined scenario "well we have high school students applying so why should we consider you?". Discuss your employment, your interests. It's an extremely tough job market out there --- no one is going to care that you've had periods where you weren't working. You can always take one course somewhere, even a continuing education course to see if a particular direction is of interest to you. Also, your point about having to be mr personality and dynamic at marketing yourself etc. I was just reading an article I think in Fortune magazine about how most employers now realize that tech people tend to be socially introverted and even sometimes have a lot in common with people who have Asperger's syndrome. I'm not saying that you have Aspergers, but I think most companies that hire people in the tech field realize they are not going to be dealing with a bunch of Kim Kardashian self-marketing whizzes. Even Mark Zuckerberg is shy and non-verbal and and apparently makes little eye contact in conversations. Anyway, just some thoughts. :) ellemint
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