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  1. i had a cycle for about five years, ok for three months down for three months. never been up long enough to have a job for more than a month, or have a normal weight(it would go up at down by 40lbs). the last 3 years have all been down though. i just want to know if i will ever get back to how i was at 19, or at least close. im starting to think no. i do not want to be alive if i cant live
  2. Thanks for the reply. Anyone else? I'm really having trouble finding anyone that's gotten over having an episode this long. Does this mean I probably won't get any better?
  3. when my depression started i was about 175(5'10). in the last 8 years ive been as heavy as 300, 240 now though. i have some will power but when im down and need to cope, if i refrain from eating i cant sleep, at all
  4. do you know if anyone in your family has suffered from any type of mental illness? they would most certainly understand. i know how hard it can be though, there are people in my family that think depression doesnt even exist. good luck sorry, i couldnt help it
  5. its been almost 10 years and its only gotten worse. every year i think "ok, this is it. at the end of this year i will be able to live". 8 or 9 have passed. ive tried everything, 30+ meds, ECT, TMS, CBT, homiopathic things, excersising, eating well. ive tried forcing myself to do things, ive gone from psyciatrists to psyciatrist, therapist to therapist, they all say "we'll get you feeling better" its not their fault but none have yet. ive always been an optimist though. for 8 years or so ive thought that i would overcome this and be who i want to be, or at least close to it. but latley ive been wondering "what if im wrong?" i dont want to be alive if im not ever goign to recover somewhat. ive started to really consider ending it. but then i also think "what if im wrong about that?". i could potentially have a great life. then i think "come on, its been almost ten years" i tried to find some recovery stories of people that have suffered for ten years, by suffer i dont mean "it makes life difficult" but "i cant live at all", and i couldnt find any. i am trying to find a place for DBT, i uestioning whether i should try and just end it, i cant go through another failure do people get better after being severly debuilitated for this long?
  6. I am right now but mine is mainly from having electroconvulsive therapy(from depression also). mine doesnt seem to be as bad as yours but i have completely forgotten important events, people i have met, i dont remember how to get any where either, lol, when i drive to places i've gone to for years i need directions. From reading what you said, i dont think you need to worry about anything long term, talk to your doctor and you should be able to resolve these problems
  7. I've only been in love wile depressed once but i would say no, at least fr me. about 2 years ago i was dating an amazing girl, we had everything in common, she was so sweet, she was this beautiful Colombian girl. I felt great at first but then fell right back into my old way of feeling and living. so it didnt help me but it may help other people.
  8. thanks guys, and thanks for the welcome. I do feel better today, it goes up and down. Linda, I don't remember if i have done cbt, as you may know ect screws up your memory. I do have a very good therapist so im sure i have or will in the future. I know you say there is no magic pill but i am not strong enough to do it on my own. i try my hardest and after a couple days always end up feeling worse than i did before. Willhelm, i really appreciate the long response. if you wouldnt mind sharing, what has the last 25 years been like? have you always felt like you do now or has there been good times also? i understand if thats to personal, i would just like to know what i can expect if this doesnt go away.
  9. ok so six years ago some traumatic events happened in my life and i've had major depression ever since. I've had more psychiatrists than you can count on one had, three therapists, i've had three sets of electroconvulsive therapy, i've been on a thousand different pills and it has only gotten worse. at first i was just depressed, then i couldnt exercise, then i started to eat like crazy, then i couldnt wokr, then i stopped talking to all of my friends. now i stay in bed 22 hours at a time, eat once every three days, go weeks without showering or brushing my teeth. I have a psychiatrist, a therapist and i am trying. every week or so i try to get back on my feet but i always end up back where i started the next day. my question is, why should i think it will get better??? i thought that at age 19, at 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, at what point to i go from being rationally hopeful to just some stupid naive moron with false hope? Thank you
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