evalynn

long

diet cream soda

Good news: Etta's stitches are out and she's now cone-free! Bad news: She's still peeing on the carpet.

@Nightjar I miss my mom so much. I don't even like thinking about it because it makes me want to cry. It's weird to miss someone who's still here, but admittedly part of me thinks of her as already gone. Her personality is gone. She laughs so rarely now that it makes me realize how much she used to laugh before. Dementia is soul wrenching disease. It's like seeing someone vanish in slow motion, watching them leave you and knowing you can't do anything about it. But still hoping knowing that it's silly to. And yes, I miss my home state. It was so nice to visit last October. I felt home. I've learned here for 12 years and it doesn't feel like home, and I don't think it ever will. It's just the place I live. I feel like a stranger in a strange land. That probably sounds super dramatic but it's the truth. I'm a New England girl. If you cut me, clam chowder would come out of my veins. 😂 Sometimes being a "grown up" sucks.

I don't even understand why we need prescription drug commercials. I remember before we had them, and we would have commercials for regular things like soap.

I had a weird one the other night. Started in my parent's bedroom in our old house, where my sister and I were keeping vigil over my mom. Then some people walked in and kicked us out (of our own home?) and I had to walk through a mall, up an escalator, to get home to some apartment complex I didn't like because of the roommates. For some reason, I often have dreams that take place (or partially take place) in either schools or malls. Maybe I've spent too many years in both places and they give me subconscious anxiety.

writing

breaking a nail how obsessive I can be rumination disappointment, when I should learn to have no expectations not being able to control when I'm sleepy, making my days wildly chaotic mood swings pain swings loneliness indecision

brain off switch?

Today was better than the last week or so. But I should have tried to go to bed two hours ago, when I was in a great mood. Now I'm upset about something and I'm probably going to obsess about it all night, and I really would rather be sleeping.

I ventured out of the courtyard into open sun, and boy was that a bad idea! Back to the shade for me and Etta. We saw two butterflies: the black and white one, and the yellow one. 🙂

I really, really hope that's a false memory. 😱🤢

🎶Sleep, glorious, sleep. My favorite pastime... Rereading a story that I like that's quite funny in parts. Snuggling up this morning.

I do feel better today, so far. Giving myself permission to rest yesterday helped a bit. And I slept for quite a few hours last night! And my husband is working the night shift so I can sleep in today and not worry about the dog. She's getting her stitches out in two days and then she get the cone of shame off anyway. I might do yoga later if I need to chill out.

It's beef jerky. Aka really salty meat of suspicious origin pre-packaged in a tube. I tell myself they have to be healthier than cookies or chips. 🤣