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Everything posted by candy22

  1. A lot of things are chaotic in my life (from dealing with pain, depression, finances and employment). Whenever, I express how I feel to anyone they say I’m being negative. I’m sorry I don’t always think positive thinking somehow makes you have less problems. The reality is I have a lot I’m dealing with and my depression worsened when I get overwhelmed.
  2. I deal with a great deal of loneliness. Nobody checks on me but with the exception of my mother or therapist. I have reached out to old friends months ago but nobody has texted or called me since then. I can go months with out anyone contacting me whatsoever. Like nobody truly cares about me. And before you say I should reach out I have but it would be nice if someone contacted me first. I feel like I’m not valued and I feel worthless. I know it’s a pandemic going on but I dealt with a lack of friendship and loneliness for years now.
  3. First and foremost, I know every family has their problems and issues. So, telling me that is not helpful. I just don’t like the family I was born into - nothing but chaos, drama, rejection, mental illness, narcissism, abuse, etc. My dad suffered with severe mental illness and my mom is pretty much overbearing at times. Sometimes I just wish I had a different family. Even as an adult, I still think this. Anyone feel the same way?
  4. Thank you for your response. Yes, I am taking different forms of help to heal but I wish something would feel like it is working. Yes, you are right, struggle is universal and everyone struggles but I do believe some people struggle more than others (I believe I do). And, yes there is no time limit on how long it takes to heal.
  5. I can’t get past why traumatic things had to happen to me and continue to happen to me. Loneliness, Bullying (workplace and school), child abuse, unemployment, disability, chronic pain, etc.. I just feel like if I didn’t experience these things then maybe I wouldn’t be suffering so severely with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. It’s just not fair. I hate when people say “It made you stronger.” It didn’t, it made me weaker. I hate the statement “It could be worse”, it is the worse to me. Yes, I go to therapy. Yes, I take medicine. Yes, I pray. But, I feel like nothing is working at all. I’m so frustrated.
  6. I can definitely relate to this. It seems like time and time again people are acknowledged for what they do but I’m overlooked unless it’s something negative. I usually always feel ignored by most people. It’s so frustrating because I do good out of the kindness of my heart not to seek attention but it would be nice if people acknowledged it. Sorry I don’t have any advice. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
  7. I can definitely relate to having to be the one to reach out first. Weeks have gone by, and nobody texts or calls me unless I call them (with the exception of my mom). It’s frustrating to know that people truly don’t care about me.
  8. Aww, so sorry to hear this. I definitely find your post relatable to my own life experiences. I’ve been bullied my entire life as well. From elementary school to the workplace, I have ran across numerous bullies and I’m usually an easy target. At times, it seems like everyone I ran into was tearing me down. I’ve been called “ugly,” “dumb,” “fat,” and more just to name a few. Sadly, you can do nothing wrong to people and still get treated poorly by them. I don’t have an answer to why this happens. But, I will say if a parent is a bully then for some reason it’s easy to become a victim to bullying in other areas of your life like school or work. My dad was a bully and I think this lowered my confidence as child and made me an easier target for bullying by classmates. So, I definitely know how you feel. I hope you eventually get around people who treat you with kindness and value you.
  9. I’m trying to be okay but it’s so hard. Honestly, it’s overwhelming dealing with depression and loneliness in a midst of a pandemic. How are you?
  10. Yes, I feel like I’m losing it. I feel so lonely and depressed. No real family or friends to talk to and of course, hearing about the corona virus is making things worse.
  11. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I appreciate your response so much. I don’t know what the future holds for me but like you said I deserve a good life. Yes, I believe one day he will realize I am a good woman but by that time I may have moved on.
  12. I was with my boyfriend for several months. But, a few weeks ago, he “ghosted” me and blocked me from everything. (Ghosting is a term in the dating world that means a person disappears and stops all means of communication with a person they are dating or in a relationship with.) I remember my last conversation with him. I asked him was something wrong and he said it wasn’t and that he would call me back. He never did. I tried to reach out but no reply. This has caused me to fall into a deep, deep depression. I’m so devastated. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I go to therapy but I still feel like the pain of this is too unbearable.
  13. I wasn't trying to attack you. Sorry if it came off that way.
  14. I have been single my entire life. I’m a female in my early thirties. I never had a relationship (no boyfriend). Recently, it’s starting to bother me more than ever (guess because my birthday is coming up). I guess it’s that a lot of people are already married with children yet I can’t even get a boyfriend or date. I’m worried because I really want a family before I’m too old. I socialize and hang out places, but seems like most guys are in their own little world or just not interested in me. I also don’t have any friends. I don’t know what’s wrong. But, it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know if depression plays a role in this.
  15. I have been on a few dating sites for a year. There has been a share of losers on there. Lol. And the ones that I did connect with are somewhat far. I was thinking of traveling to meet one of them though I wish he would come here first. I agree with you. The dating pool may be better somewhere else. I would love to move if I had the funds to. I will consider it.
  16. No, You're definitely not ugly. I looked in your album. You're cute. Yeah, I hardly meet single people either. It's rare. Everyone's married or dating it seems. I had to limit my time on Facebook because it really was bothering me that everyone had someone. It's frustrating but oh well. Sometimes, I start to believe that maybe some people will go their whole life without anyone. It's sad.
  17. Thanks for responding. Yeah, I'm definitely a late bloomer. I'm behind in more areas than I want to be. Lol. Well, I try to hide my anxiety and depression from others as best as I can.
  18. Thanks for responding. I have tried the approaching part but the guys ended up not liking me. Twice. I usually don't agree with girls approaching guys though. I guess I'll continue socializing. I've been doing a lot of hobbies and going out but still seem to attract nobody.
  19. Thanks for your response. I believe you are right that certain behaviors in a relationship can be destructive. But, again, I've seen women have all kinds of personalities and have obtained a man. I am in fact not a downer most of my depressive episodes I hide. Most people think I'm am funny and happy. So maybe I'm just doomed somehow LOL
  20. Thanks for your reply. Okay. If you don't mind me asking, what attracted you to your wife if she had low self-esteem in the beginning? Not trying to come off as rude but wouldn't that be a red flag if you knew it could cause problems.
  21. I stumbled upon a video on YouTube. I think the guy in the video is some type of counselor. Anyway, the guy states a girl can be pretty and yet if she lacks confidence it will be hard for her to attract men. I mean I'm sure he means well. But, I have seen plenty of women with low self-esteem have boyfriends. In all my thirty one years, I have been told numerous reasons why I don't have a boyfriend. People give me every excuse. I mean I've met all kinds of women with different personalities who find boyfriends. Mean girl at work has a boyfriend. Unattractive neighbor has a husband. Cousin who cheated on her boyfriend is still with him and he forgave her. Bossy friend has a boyfriend. Rude, obnoxious sister has a boyfriend. Yet, I can't seem to get a man's attention or boyfriend. I lost weight. I smile. I dress nice. I joined clubs/hobbies where guys are. I worked around guys. I'm friendly. I think I should just give up and give up on hopes of having a family. It's frustrating and even my therapist is puzzled.
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