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About pinto77

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    Community Assistant
  • Birthday May 27

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    New York

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  1. I had very similar feelings towards someone for years. He had never cheated on me or did anything bad. He just never really gave me a very good reason why we had to end things so I never had closure. We were still hanging out occasionally mostly to hook up but were not exclusive. About a year later he moved away due to his job. I would compare every single guy to him and would pine after him especially when I was single and alone in my thoughts. Years went by without communication. I still wondered about him, looked him up on social media, see he’s with someone, and it would depress me every time. Fast forward to the end of 2020. He text me out of the blue. We started talking again and honestly he changed and I changed. Maybe he didn’t change but I was able to see him in a different light. We had little in common and his goals in life simply didn’t match mine. He still acted like a bachelor and was not ready to settle down. I had put him on such a high pedestal with him being this perfect person. This was how I finally got over him after 6-7 years of obsessing. I hope you won’t need to wait this long to find closure. I know how hard it is!
  2. I love a lot of things but would really love it if I could lump them altogether! I love (1) staying in bed with a (2) warm, cozy blanket by a (3) warm fireplace with a (4) good movie and a (5) cup of hot chocolate with a (6) great view of the mountains and of (7) the Milky Way, while snuggling with my favorite dog breed (8) the English bull dog!!
  3. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. I lost my mother last December due to cancer which she fought very hard for 10 months. It was a relief to know she was no longer suffering but still very hard for me and my family. We think about her everyday and even went to visit her grave yesterday. It was a strange feeling because it felt more joyous than before. I hope that you find that peace too. Do you have a good support system? It helped me tremendously. That and simply feeling like my mother is happy and in a much better place. I always tell myself that she is with her family, friends, and my brother who passed away some 40 years before her. I think the heartache will never go away but I pray that you find some peace and comfort.
  4. I don't think there is a right or wrong way. What you did took some guts and it's something you should be proud of! I think it's a great way to meet new people and feel you should keep doing it if you feel it's right. Personally, I hate when guys ask me to hang out with them. I dread it (and always decline the offer) but that's just me.
  5. Hi Lexiia, I remember these exact feelings when I was your age. I rode the depression out and am no longer in that same state. If your mom doesn’t understand, it’s ok. You have others (like us) who completely understand! Some people just aren’t well equipped to handle those kinds of emotions and/or aren’t empathetic. Personally, my family doesn’t believe depression is a real thing and you know what? It’s ok. Keep writing on here. We are here to listen.
  6. To not be so lazy on my off days and get stuff done!!! To love myself more and take care of my health.
  7. Eating disorders may feel like a life sentence but it is not! Although, I am not always happy or comfortable with my appearance, I can say that I no longer have an eating disorder or the same anxiety around food and body image. Gone are the days of anorexia, binge eating and bulimia (purge through exercise). I’ve put my body through so much over the years (on and off from 17 to 30) that I am astonished that I’m even alive sometimes. My life with an eating disorder was such a blur and so much time was wasted. I literally do not have many nice memories or even photos of myself. I am 37 now and learning to enjoy life and being present. Take the time to really appreciate all that your body has done and continues to do for you. Your body is your biggest ally whether large, small or average!
  8. Lojinx, I completely understand what you are going through. I have gone, and am going through, similar relationship problems. I stay because I see a glimmer of hope, though in actuality I know he is not truly worth staying for. The only stable thing in my life right now is my job. Without that, things would be a lot more chaotic even though work is stress in itself!! I know you dont believe you can start all over but that is simply not true. Once you let go of this ball and chain, you will begin to see the light! Right now it's important to create an exit plan, whether that means saving up your money and/or disengaging with your partner so you feel less of a draw to him. Surround yourself with others like you or who are willing to lend an ear. If you ever need to talk, I will be here to support you! We are all in this together!
  9. I've traveled locally in the US solo on my birthday. It was very invigorating!! :)
  10. Don't move to another state with this guy! I made the same mistake and it cost me over 2k to move out back to my home state. Do you have friends and family you can stay with even temporarily? By the way, my very first car was a used sedan and I never felt safe driving it! The interior just felt too big and roomy. Then my second vehicle was a mid-size truck and although it's much bigger physically it was the perfect fit. I've never felt as safe and confident driving :)
  11. I have been in your shoes many times during my life. What initially got me out of this cycle was setting small goals whether it be walking around the block, re-organizing my entire closet, making my bed, or giving the bathroom floors a good mopping! It made the impossible feel possible. I later signed myself up for volunteer work, odd jobs, and eventually landed a full-time job - I gained a sense of normalcy, I started to connect with people, and I stopped having anxiety regarding finances. Just having a steady routine kept me from spiraling out of control (I had developed some terrible coping skills and habits). Suddenly, I had responsibilities. And though this can sometimes be stressful, it doesn't compare to the life I had living as a recluse. Networking is great but if your friends and colleagues have gone silent perhaps it's time to venture out on your own. Look at job listings, maybe start with volunteer work, attend book/poetry readings, head to the ocean and just explore. Do what gives you any modicum of happiness and quiets the negative thoughts and self-doubt in your head. Something new that I've been trying to do lately is re-connecting with my family and attending those awkward social gatherings which I've always hated. Sometimes you have to challenge yourself because you know it's good for you. If I can do all this, I know you can too!! :)
  12. I am using the app Chubbybunny89 suggested and so far it seems pretty decent although I haven't made any connections. Apparently users can "like" you but you don't know who they are! Good luck SoundOfSilence. If it means anything, I would be your friend! haha
  13. Thanks, Chubbybunny. I don't trust Craigslist here in NYC but will take a look at Patook. I've also tried Girlfriend Social in the past but some of the women there would mention how much they looked forward to girls night partying and drinking! Haha Unfortunately, my bf doesn't stand up for me like that. He tries not to say or do anything against his family to lessen avoid potential drama. More reason why I need to find female friends and go out more.
  14. Thanks, morecoffee! My bf's family is a little judgmental. If I do anything out of the ordinary by their definition (not socialize, not go out, not drink, not watch trending shows like Game of Thrones, etc), they make a big deal about it to my bf or make fun of me publicly ("Wow! She's actually drinking tonight! Let's take a picture!!!" - this happened last night). The last thing I want to do is to stand out and get criticized. I actually had people ask me where I lived, if I liked the city, where I went to school, all those things you mentioned, and I dreaded it because I don't like to talk about myself! Haha. Guess you can't always have two people trying to steal the spotlight! But you are right if someone just isn't my type then I can't force myself to be what they are looking for.
  15. I was invited to a birthday party late last night at a bar with mostly people in their mid 20s to early 30s (I am 36). The only person I knew there was my bf, and I only kind of connected with his parents and his sister (the birthday girl). The bar was crowded; everyone was mingling, bubbly, and super social while I sat there in discomfort hoping no one with notice. Some of the girls were super nice and tried to talk to me but it was awkward and short-lived. I felt like I had nothing in common with them and the atmosphere (loud music, noise etc) made it even more difficult to hold any kind of prolonged conversation. To put things into greater perspective, the girls (including my bf's sister) were all Caucasian, from wealthy families, Jewish, ex-sorority girls (I am none of these listed) who still acted like sorority girls. They knew how to party, drink, socialize and have a good time. They were comfortable in their bodies and in their being. I have nothing against them but that's just never been my scene or personality. I've never been the touchy feely type even when I did have some close girlfriends. I've never been tcomfortable to show that much skin and dance like no one was watching. Regardless, I felt like these girls were trying to feel me out and I "blew it." The experience really opened my eyes and got me desiring female companionships. I don't think I'll be a great girlfriend in the sense that I would love to hang out all the time. Work keeps me too busy and tired and I love being a homebody! However, I do want to feel like I'm "just one of the girls" at times and fit in. Be "normal" and less awkward with other females. I've always found friendships with men to be easier because it was low maintenance, but friendships with men can get messy. I am extroverted introvert and have good social skills. I can get along with most people and I feel age is just a number, but it does get infinitely harder to make new friends with age. How does a female in my circumstances connect with other females? What should I do the next time I'm put in this situation with these girls? It's bound to happen again as my bf and his family always expects me to show up at these kinds of social events.
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