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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. I know the feeling, hon. Sometimes I feel closer to the people on this forum whom I'll never meet than I do my own family or friends I used to hang out with. But I agree, it would be nice to have a friend I could confide in, in person, maybe get back to doing "girl stuff" again (I'm a almost-48-year-old single mom and haven't gone anywhere with friends in years) like shopping and lunch and just hanging out. I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist...that's an important step. And don't give up, if your friend doesn't want to be there for you then she's not much of a friend at all...hopefully you'll make new friends when you're ready. Me too!!!
  2. Yes, in fact that's how my anxiety was diagnosed. I started feeling nauseous, just loss of appetite...then couldn't eat anything, then couldn't keep anything down. I lost 40 lb in 2 months. They kept asking me if I was stressed or anxious and the weird thing is I didn't feel like I was. They admitted me to the hospital and did every test in the book but couldn't find anything physically wrong with me so they put me on mirtazipine and clonazepam and now I suffer anxiety attacks (I didn't before) and racing heart, although I have gained back some weight (the only GOOD part about the illness was the weight loss!). I feel better than I did 2 years ago but not as well as I'd like to. I still have days when I can't eat because I'm anxious or stressed. My dad calls it a "nervous stomach" and says he has it too. Must run in the family.
  3. Hi Confused, As a mom who suffers from depression, my first instinct is to urge you to talk to your parents or your mom. I know it's hard, but if my son were feeling the way you do (and I've told him over and over to come to me with ANYTHING), I would want to know so I could help. Especially if you think your mom is going through the same thing, she'll know how you feel and maybe you can talk to a doctor together. If you absolutely feel you can't share your feelings with your parents, maybe a school counselor or someone who can help. In the meantime, we're all here, know the feelings you are experiencing and can totally relate, and always want to listen and help. I hope you'll hang around!
  4. Hi SophieLouise, welcome! It sucks when we feel like those we've trusted turn against us or abandon us...I've been there. I hope you know you are among friends here who understand... I'm sure this is probably what you don't want to here, but I would urge you to talk to someone professionally (doctor, counselor, therapist) to help you take steps in the right direction toward finding the joy and happiness you deserve. Sometimes when we are depressed, (and I'm not a professional saying you are, just speaking from someone who is) people avoid us because they don't know what to say or how to act. If you can find the right therapy to be happy with yourself, you will open yourself up to new friendships or renew old, or find that being yourself is all you really need (after years of living with someone and thinking I couldn't be alone, I find that I'm happier with my privacy and my own space, with my son being the welcome exception, of course! I hope you'll find the help you need, and I hope you'll hang out here with us and "rant" all you want! That's what we're here for... Good luck!
  5. Hello All, hard to believe another week has gone by already! Typical for Minnesota, our snow melted, then snowed again, now it's rain/sleeting (at least it will help get rid of the snow). Just came in from dumping salt all over my sidewalks as I live by the school and lots of kids walk by my house and I don't want them to slip! I took the dog for a very short walk because the sidewalks are so slippery and came back drenched (poor thing is drying off in her kennel but I didn't want a wet dog on my white comforter! Tim: Glad to hear you got a job, congrats! I hope it all works out for you! Rosegirl: Glad to hear your new meds are helping! I increased mine in Dec. and felt such a slight improvement, I'm going to see if we can adjust a little more next time I see her in a few weeks. At least it's an improvement, albeit a small one! Arthur: Hope you're feeling better! Sometimes it takes a dose of reality to make us appreciate what we have. Lost a friend last week at the age of 41, very sudden (I'm 48 next month). Made me start walking the dog again, really WALKING, instead of a short trip down the block or letting her out the side of the garage. Also trying to eat better and cut back on smoking....if I could get rid of my anxiety, I might be able to quit altogether! Ocean: Another weekend's here, enjoy! To all other 40+ers I didn't mention, I hope life is treating you well...I've run out of walls to paint in my house so now frequent Goodwill and look forward to rummage sales for small furniture items to paint and refinish and hopefully sell...I've done a couple of pieces for my house that turned out so nice (check out my gallery, if you'd like) that I thought I'd try to make a few bucks off of something I enjoy doing so much. I hope I don't end up with a garage full of painted furniture! Hope you all have a nice, safe and enjoyable weekend. Try to do at least one fun thing for yourself this weekend, even if it's just to treat yourself to a shamrock shake at McDonald's (which I plan to do)....I'll be at the thrift stores!
  6. I don't know why it happens but the same thing happened to me. I've dealt with depression (mild) on and off most of my life but hit bottom in early 2011 and with it came anxiety and panic attacks like never before. I still have anxiety so bad my hands shake and I really have nothing to be anxious of (or depressed about, for that matter). Just know that you're not alone. I try to keep busy. During the week I walk, work on my house, paint furniture, make bracelets, surf the net looking for ideas on making bracelets and painting furniture (Pinterest) and on weekends I hit thrift stores like Goodwill and Salvation Army (soon rummage sales!) looking for stuff to fix up. It keeps me occupied, gives me a sense of accomplishment and I even earn a few extra bucks.... Here's a website for some anxiety coping statements that I find helpful sometimes when things get bad, I hope they'll help you too! Good luck! http://www.anxietynetwork.com/content/coping-statements-anxiety#helpcop1
  7. Hi Danielle, I'm a stay at home mom too...there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also suffer from migraines and chronic pain and it sucks, pain makes depression worse, depression makes the pain worse....it's a vicious circle. I'm glad to hear you're working out, exercise is very important. I was slacking off in that department because of the weather and all the projects I had going inside, but a good friend suddenly died, her 17 year old son found her when he came home from school, and she was only 41 (I'll be 48 next month). I haven't heard the cause yet but she was overweight so I decided it was time to get off my expanding butt and start walking again. Mother nature's been very helpful by dumping LOADS of wet snow on me to shovel every week, that's great exercise, and I'm walking again almost every day. Remember guilt is a part of depression, one of the major symptoms. I go through it too, feel like my son's not getting the mom he deserves (he's 12) but he understands. I'm honest with him without worrying him too much. That's one great thing about kids, they love unconditionally and forgive you for anything. Try to give yourself a break... Do you have any hobbies? I've been trying to keep busy searching thrift stores (and soon rummage sales) for stuff to sell and furniture pieces to paint or refinish and sell and it's fun and earns me some extra cash. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, over and over...PINTEREST! Best website EVER (next to this one, of course)! I've found easy bracelet making instructions and furniture painting ideas...even have a board for planning my next haircut!!! Give it a try....and keep us posted!!! I've started a gallery on the work I'm doing in my house, I'm going to include some pictures of furniture I've painted (unfortunately with my memory loss, I always forget to take a BEFORE picture so no one knows just what a transformation the pieces really are!). I'm especially proud of a chair and ottoman I got at goodwill for $5 and $3 and repainted and recovered, along with my dining chairs. Keeps me busy and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Can't wait for rummage sales to start!!!!
  8. That's beautiful!!! I'm sure many of us can relate to every word of that poem...beautifully said!
  9. Hi Evan, welcome back! I'm glad you decided to join us again! Have you decided to see a doctor and start medication or have you already started? Meds vary, they usually come with an adjustment period, sometimes dizziness, drowsiness, anxiety, but again, every med is different. Talk to your doctor about what to expect and come here and talk to us, we'll help you through it. I added Prozac shortly before Christmas and had a period of anxiety and my friends here talked me through it by telling me their experiences and how much time it took before you notice a difference. Sure enough, I hit the 4 week mark and started to feel better. Not cured, but better. I see my pdoc again in a few weeks and hopefully we can adjust a little so maybe, just maybe, I can feel a little better. It has given me some kind of, I don't know, ambition, I guess. I finished painting my rooms in my house and now I'm into refinishing furniture I find at thrift stores and selling them online (hopefully, I haven't sold anything yet but I can't WAIT for rummage sale season!!!). I have also been looking for treasures to sell on online auctions and that's keeping me busy. If you can find anything that interests you, a hobby, etc., try to get into it. Even though I don't always feel like it, I try to force myself. Not only do I feel better but I earn a few extra bucks! Good luck to you, keep us posted and if you have any questions, let us know. Just remember, meds won't work overnight, they do take time, like any therapy probably will. Good luck!
  10. Hi Lady, Welcome! If you're looking for a close-knit community, you've found one here. Everyone is very caring, supportive and understanding as we all share some demons. I hope you'll make yourself at home!
  11. It must be in the air....I'm wiped out today too...and I still have to shower, drive 35 miles to pick up a prescription from my doctor's office, get it filled...luckily I already packed for the weekend. Can't wait to crawl into bed tonight! Hope you have a nice weekend, try to have something to look forward to, even if it's just resting in front of the TV (I know that's what I'M looking forward to...)
  12. I'm so glad that you are going to pick up your hobby again! Mine are helping me so much...I even got back out to walk the dog a while today (been slacking off on that due to weather and being busy painting). I even sat down last night and made a list of all the things I still have to do around my house, it took up a page and a half! Just finished my dad's tax return online, not exactly a fun task, but it kept me busy and one thing checked off my list!!! Now it's time to relax and feel like I actually accomplished something today....
  13. I'm glad you're committed to going on with your life the way your friend would want. It's cliche, I know, but time does heal all wounds. I just learned of the death of one of my friends, we weren't close, but she was just 41 and left behind kids, grandkids, a husband...just sudden. It hurts, losing someone unexpected. I took a walk with my dog (when I used to run into her and talk to her) and stopped in front of one of the churches in our town and said a silent prayer for her and her family...wiped away a tear before it froze on my cheek...then continued my walk. Lots of people are paying tribute to her on facebook, that helps some. I hope your healing will begin now...
  14. Please keep us posted...I'm a total animal lover and would love to hear how it turns out and hear all about your pet...maybe you can even post a picture in the gallery!
  15. Hi PA, I'm so glad you came here to share your story with us. Depression sucks. Plain and simple. I must say that a dozen times a day to myself. You sound like a very nice person....I hope you realize that. Somewhere out there is the right girl for you and I hope you find her... And I agree with Lauryn, please don't be afraid to ask for help. There are so many therapies out there, medication, etc. that could help you and give you the strength you need to achieve your dreams. I hope you'll reach out for them. And keep reaching for your dreams...they're not impossible, you just might have to work a little to make them come true. Best wishes!
  16. Hi Yesican, Please know that guilt is a major symptom of depression. I can tell you not to be so hard on yourself, but only you can convince you. I know the feeling so well, guilt over not being a good enough mom, guilt over not being "normal", guilt over any little thing.... The important thing is that you DO recognize that this is part of your illness and that you hit bottom and once you hit bottom, there's only one way to go....up. Just keep reminding yourself that guilt IS part of the illness and you're not to blame. Keep looking for something to look forward to every day, no matter how small. For me it's just that first cup of coffee in the morning as a reward for just getting out of bed and then I get my son off to school. Before I go to sleep at night, I try to plan at least one thing to do the next day to look forward to whether it's working on my house, making bracelets, or even shopping online or looking for decorating ideas online. I'll make a list of things I plan on buying on the weekend (I'm not rich, it can be as simple as a new shade of lipstick or a new plate to hang on my wall...and I'm really into refinishing furniture so I hit Goodwill and buy cheap tables, chairs, etc. to paint and refinish, maybe I'll even try to sell a few on Craigslist...). Hobbies help and I preach this a lot but Pinterest is an awesome website to find ANYTHING you might be interested in...I've been saving bracelet making instructions to my boards...whatever your interests might be. I'm glad you didn't end it all...there really is so much in life to look forward to, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Now you have the chance to work your way back up. And we're here to help if you need us. Good luck!
  17. Hi Jberg67, welcome.... Life is so unfair sometimes, isn't it? I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I can so relate to the part of your post where you have trouble believing in anything...I know that feeling so well. But then I see the colors of a bird or flower or butterfly and think, this all just can't be explained, there's got to be something bigger that makes things so beautiful. Plus I was really sick in 2008 and spent 5 days in a coma. During that time, I saw my son's future and what would happen to him if I died. I begged to go back, saying my son couldn't grow up without his mom, he needed me...and I woke up gagging on a breathing tube. I believe that I was sent into the future to see my son so I would fight...I wasn't expected to live but I beat the odds...so I have to believe there is a greater power. I hope you will reach out for help to get you through this trying time. No one should have to suffer so much when there is help out there. And I hope you'll keep sharing your feelings with us because that's what we're here for....Good luck to you and please, let us know if we can help.
  18. Wow, Cipher Dragon, you've had a rough time! First of all, welcome to the forum, I'm so glad you found us because this website has been my savior for the past year and a half. I hope you'll find as much support and friendships here as I have. Second, I'm sorry for all the losses in your life. I lost my mom in 2008 so I know losing a parent is extremely difficult. I have a 12 year old son who is my world (single mom) and can only imagine the loss you felt when you miscarried. I'm so sorry for that and I hope that you will find the right man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and go on to experience the joys of motherhood, you deserve it! Have you talked to anyone about your feelings (i.e., doctor, therapist, etc.)? Finding the right doctor and getting on the right therapy can make a world of difference in your life and I hope you'll take that step. There is joy and happiness in the world and sometimes, for some of us, it's just harder to achieve but it's there and I hope you'll reach out for help to get you on the right track. In the meantime, I hope you'll hang out here with us, we all suffer from our own demons and understand your pain. I look forward to seeing you around!
  19. You just write whatever you feel comfortable with. There are plenty of forums to explore, if you read something you can relate to and want to offer some support or encouragement, jump in. If you need some extra help or support, go ahead and post a new topic. If you have any questions on how to navigate this forum, contact a moderator (or you can ask me, I'll do what I can to answer any questions!). Mainly it's just a giant group of people who all have their own demons talking, supporting each other, venting or anger at the world, etc. I hope you'll find this forum as helpful as I have!
  20. Who knows what causes those pesky things to hit....I had one visiting my sister in the hospital when my niece was born years ago, just came out of the blue. Or in the grocery store, I had to lean over my cart and breathe deep, people probably thought I was nuts. I just keep telling myself that it will pass, that it's just a "feeling" that will go away. It usually helps but doesn't keep them from coming back. Dr. Phil last week had a basketball player (pro) who couldn't play because he was crippled by anxiety attacks. It hits anyone it wants.
  21. Thanks, Chedderhead! I've actually been very close to your place then, I've had the privilege to go to 2 games, one preseason in Aug, I wore shorts and a Packers tank top, then the last game of the season in 2000, wearing long underwear, thermal socks, snow boots, etc. Both were AWESOME, though!!! Guess you'll be getting some nasty weather headed your way today and tomorrow also. We're supposed to get up to 12 inches by tomorrow night! Yay, love to shovel....not.
  22. Keep us posted, Rosegirl....and it sounds like you're on the right track! Mindfulness is half the battle! I vowed this weekend to take more walks with my dog this week (I've been slacking off on that since I started painting) but Mother Nature's got other plans....7-12 inches of snow expected between now and tomorrow night....yay. Good thing I bought that second snow shovel because I have a feeling my son won't have school and he's going to help shovel!
  23. Strangely they say the larger the dose, the less sedating. I'm on 60 mg but take in 2 doses so I can still get the benefit of sleep from it (I have terrible insomnia). I know when I was on 45 the drowsiness went away if I took it in one dose. But everyone is different, like GetOn said. Talk to your doctor about it if the drowsiness continues, maybe if you just call his office, he won't charge you. Good luck!
  24. Hi Tom, I got a lot of my bedroom decorating ideas (and other rooms) from Pinterest...once I decided to paint it blue, I just typed in "blue bedroom" and lots of pictures came up...I am SO addicted to that website! My advice is to find a comforter you really like and start there. I no longer have the one in the picture, unfortunately, because the fill melted in the dryer last year when I washed it, even though I took it to the laundromat and put it on low heat. I did keep the shams and found another comforter on ebay that's mostly white with blue and brown embroidered frame that matches them, that's how I chose the color for my room. My weekend was good...bought 2 outdoor lounge chairs at Home Depot, metal with BRIGHT lime green mesh! They were a bargain and I love bright colors in front of my gray house (I bought 2 large urn type plastic planters last year and painted them hot pink!). I'm hoping to find a small table to go with them, maybe something at Goodwill I can paint. I have a small wrought iron bistro set too but it's not that comfortable and I wanted some place to sit and relax on nice days...oh and I plan to paint the now black bistro set teal...I get a little crazy in the spray paint isle. Must be the fumes! I saw a picture in a book at Menards on decks that had a gray house with a deck that had a gray floor and steps with white railings and sides...I'm thinking maybe that would be nice, wouldn't show dirt on the floor as much. No problems with the Prozac...not noticing a major change, though. I see my doc in about a month and will talk to her about maybe increasing it and backing off on the mirtazipine a little. I don't think it does much other than make me hungry anyway. It was a nice, fairly warm weekend and most of the snow went away...now they're predicting a big storm starting this afternoon through tomorrow night with up to 12 inches!!! Guess it'll be a while before I get to use my new lounge chairs!!! Just trying to muster the energy to go to the grocery store and stock up before it hits, have a feeling my son won't have school tomorrow! I told him to be ready to help me shovel, he asked how much I was going to pay him...a boy after my own heart...or he just takes after his dad, one of the two. Hope the weather's better where you are!
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