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taysmom1016

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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. I've been on L-theanine for about a month now and have noticed a slight difference. I also added 5-htp and L-tryptophan because I have horrible insomnia. I've been on the net researching supplements too, my pdoc said to try them one at a time to see which, if any, work for me. I just bought a box of SAM-e in desperation (they're quite expensive) to see if it will help with my depression. I'm going to give it a few weeks. Overall, I would say L-theanine is worth trying. I even found a child's chewable for my son who has terrible stress and trauma over going to his dad's overnight and either it helps, or he thinks it helps, if he takes it at bedtime. Either way, it works for him. It's a really small dose in a vitamin called Relax-a-saurus that some parents use for ADHD kids which my son also has. It also helps counteract the effects of caffeine which is probably why it helps me fall asleep a little easier (along with the L-tryptophan and kava) because I can't seem to stay away from the diet pepsi and coffee. Good luck!
  2. Me too, AquaViolet!!! We're in MN too and got about 3-4 inches of snow last weekend and I just got back from taking my dog for a walk. The bank thermometer said 15 but it felt more like 0. Brrr.....Good news is it's supposed to warm up this weekend, all the way to 39! Heat wave!
  3. I can relate with the insomnia. I'm dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD also and don't feel guilty if I need meds to cope, although I don't advertise it to my friends or family either. I'm trying some natural supplements which do seem to help with falling asleep at night and relaxing (a supplement that contains L-theanine, 5-htp, GABA and melatonin along with L-tryptophan and I just started passion flower, I alternate trying to see what works best). I still can't sleep longer than an hour or so at a time and I know how aggravating it can be. I'm also on the maximum dose of Ambien. My doc thinks I can't sleep because I was in a coma in 2008 from a seriouos illness and had to be hospitalized again last year for stomach problems and that that triggered kind of a PTSD situation from being so sick in 2008. When I start to fall into a deep sleep, I think I'm slipping back into a coma and jerk myself back to consciousness. It's frustrating.
  4. This is the right place to come. Welcome. I can relate to being several years in "remission" then feeling like I was hit by a freight train about a year ago after a hospitalization. Hopefully we will find our way back out of this hole.
  5. Kate, I understand your feelings totally about just wanting these feelings to go away. Although I've dealt with depression on and off most of my life, the anxiety only kicked in about a year ago after a hospitalization for an undiagnosed stomach ailment. In 2008 I was hospitalized and almost lost my life to Legionnaire's disease and spent 5 days in a coma on life support. My psychiatrist has implied that my most recent hospitalization may have triggered kind of a post traumatic stress thing from my illness in 2008 (I went through hell, as did my family). I'm here in the coldest part of the US where it's about 20 degrees today which depresses me even more since my only outlets this past year have been getting out to walk my dog or work in the yard. So I retreat to my room and my TV and my computer. I have an 11-year-old so I have to function for him and have been doing well on that aspect but understand the fears of never feeling "right" again. I keep telling myself it will get better and I hope it will. I hope it will for you too. Just know you've come to the right place and you're not alone. Anxiety/depression sucks. No doubt about it. Hang in there.
  6. You came to the right place. Most of us are dealing with this craziness on a daily basis and I'm not sure I have any advice to offer but I can tell you you are not alone and will find friendship and understanding here. Welcome.
  7. I've been on it for a few weeks now. I wouldn't say I'm cured but I am sleeping a little better at night which was a major issue for me and I do find myself having periods where I'm not so far down in the depths of darkness as I have been. I think each person will have a different reaction. I would say it's worth a try.....I've also been trying L-tryptophan, and have just received Holy basil and jiaogulan which I read about in Woman's World. I'm desperate enough to try anything, I guess.
  8. I had a near fatal car accident in 1993 and shortly after I saw 2 t-shirts, one said, where there is life, there is hope. The other one said any day above ground is a good day. I had another brush with death in 2008 with a serious case of Legionnaire's disease that has left me with severe PTSD and depression and neurological problems like memory loss that left me on disability unable to "qualify for gainful employment (I'm 46). I try to cling to those T-shirt mottos and hope that someday, things will get better. Hang in there and know you are definitely not alone in your feelings.
  9. I've been trying a few different supplements, 5-htp, L-theanine, L-trytophan, valerian root. If nothing else, I do seem to sleep a little better and today my mood's better than it has been but I've only been on them a few weeks and like everything else, it may take a while to build up into your system. My pdoc said it was okay to try the supplements but not all at once, try one for a while, see if it works, try another, etc. I've also ordered ashwaganda, kava kava, holy basil, and jiaogulan because of an article I saw in Woman's World (in the waiting room of my pdoc, ironically). The article and the feedback online sounds promising but who knows. I guess I'm like everyone else here, just looking for a miracle cure. Try doing a google search on depression/anxiety supplements, that's what I did. Then if you decide to try one or more, hit Amazon for the best prices. Remember though, I'm no doctor. Do your research and check with your pdoc because some can have side effects. Good luck.
  10. I'm no doctor and trust me, I can relate with the anxiety and all the meds you've tried but recently I've been hanging out on Amazon.com checking out supplements for depression and anxiety. One self help book I bought said that people with depression are often low on omega 3 so I bought some of that and then wondered what else was out there. So far I'm trying L-theanine, L-trytophan and the omega 3. It depends on the brand too, one of the L-theanine is called calm plex and has 5-htp and GABA in it too. I still need my clonazepam but I find myself sleeping a little better at night and a little calmer during the day. I'm hoping like other meds and supplements that it will work better as time goes on. Just make sure you do your research, even supplements aren't completely harmless if overused. Like I said, I'm no doctor and I see mine this week and plan to ask her about the supplements to make sure I'm not mixing something I shouldn't be. Just like everyone here, I'm just desperate to feel better. Hang in there.
  11. I can totally relate to your sleep problems. I was in a coma 3 years ago for 5 days and had some really vivid "visions". Now I think I'm just scared to sleep because it almost feels like I'm slipping back into the coma and won't be able to wake myself up. Also when I finally do fall asleep, I awake in a panic. I don't know why, it's like crashing back to reality with a jolt and my heart races and I feel panicked when I wake up. I've started taking L-tryptophan and melatonin at night which seems to help a little to relax me. I just wish I could figure out a way to wake up normally, looking forward to the day like I used to, instead of feeling like I'm crashing back to earth.
  12. Welcome! We seem to have a few things in common, I'm 46 and a mom of an 11-year-old boy who is my life. I also have been battling depression on and off for years but it kicked in again about a year ago after a brief hospitalization for stomach problems. My pdoc seems to think that I, too, have PTSD due to a near-fatal case of Legionnaire's and a 5 day coma in 2008 and that my hospitalization last year could have triggered the memories and depression and anxiety. Now if I could just figure out how to UN-trigger it.....
  13. 1. Sun is shining in spite of cold weather. 2. Walked dog for a while in spite of cold weather. 3. Have so far managed NOT to impulse buy on QVC and HSN in spite of being inside, of course, due to cold weather. It's going to be a long, cold winter here in Minnesota!
  14. Don't feel bad about not making sense because as far as I'm concerned, nothing about depression makes sense. And when you get that stressed out, even taking care of dogs can seem like a huge effort. I have one of my own and just got back from walking her. No matter how bad I feel or how cold it is (and it's about 30 here in MN today!) she needs to be walked. I also have an 11-year-old son. He is my reason for going on when I feel I can't. He is my strength. I'm a single mom and his father, well, let's just say living with him isn't an option. I hope your new medication helps you. I too lost a lot of weight last year (40 lbs in 2 months) and my doctor put me on mirtazipine which helped with my appetite but doesn't seem to do much for my depression. I see her next week and I'm hoping she can add another med to help with that apect. I've done some research online about supplements and have been trying L-thearine and L-tryptophan for sleep which seems to help a little (please talk to your doc before trying anything else). Anyway, welcome to the forum and know you are not alone. This is a great place to come to vent and read because there are so many people who are dealing with a lot of the same issues we are. Hang in there, you have a lot on your plate and sound like a wonderful, strong mother to be dealing with it and still being there for your kids.
  15. I've dealt with my depression for years but it seemed to go into remission when my son was born 11 years ago (single mom) , then it reared it's ugly head about a year ago. I was hospitalized in 2008 for 2 weeks after nearly dying of legionnaire's disease, spent 5 days in a coma, had to have dialysis, etc. I'm on disability now and not being able to work doesn't help, since I have short term memory loss from loss of oxygen when they had to put me on the ventilator. I have a lot of physical pain issues also from the illness and back pain from an accident in 1993. I was doing well after a slow recovery, my son and I bought our first home last year, then I started having stomach problems and dropped 40 lbs in 2 months and ended up in the hospital last year right before X-mas. They did a bunch of tests but found nothing and wrote it off as stress. After I got out of the hospital is when I sank into my depression again and have severe anxiety and stress. My pdoc thinks I have PTSD from my hospitalization and coma in 2008 and being in the hospital last year triggered it. I have terrible insomnia and only sleep an hour or two at a time because sometimes I feel I'm sinking back into a coma (I had some weird dreams while I was there and knew I couldn't wake myself up). I hold it together for my son because his dad is a worthless jerk who only thinks of him as a financial burden and is trying every trick in the book to get out of child support. He has my son every Sun. but ignores him while he's there. He forces him to stay overnight (court ordered) even though it traumatizes my son and my son has begged his dad to let him out of the overnights (he wasn't even interested in his son until he was 9 when I went for my first and only ever increase in child support). Anyway, that about rounds it up. I come here to vent, write in a journal, I'm even writing my experiences with my legionnaire's and coma in a "book". I walk my dog every day and do what has to be done but my main inspiration is my son because I feel he deserves at least one parent who is 100% there for him. Hang in there, as you can tell by the many members here, you are not alone!
  16. Welcome, I've only a member for a short time and have already found the forum to be very helpful. Proves to us we're not crazy and definitely not alone!
  17. Maybe you could put the numbers in a more positive perspective? Stop and buy a lottery ticket and play only numbers with ones in them! Ya never know.....I was watching a show just last week "How the Lottery Changed my Life" and the guy on there said he'd never played it before but had a dream where some numbers popped up in his head so he bought a ticket on his way home from work and won! I don't remember how much, but it worked. Stranger things have happened......
  18. Stupid computer, my mouse pad is so sensitive it posts before I'm ready! I hate the waiting to see if meds work. I too suffer from severe anxiety and PTSD (near fatal Leginnaire's, memories of dreams during 5 days in a coma, dialysis, having to inject myself in the stomach twice a day for 10 days after developing a blood clot, etc.) and major depression. I'm trying a bunch of supplements I read about on line (L-theanine, L-tryptophan) because I can't sleep either. Writing things down helps some. On top of posting here, I started a "book" on a survivor's point of view on Legionnaires and all the stuff I went through and am still going through. I find myself going back and adding paragraphs about my abusive marriage 20 years ago and it's turning more into a journal than a story about Legionnaire's as I first intended but it helps to vent. It's not like it will ever get published or hit the best seller's list anyway! Hang in there. Hopefully seeing your old friend will help. Other than my 11-year-old son and seeing my dad on weekends, I'm pretty isolated here. I'm on disability due to the Legionnaire's and short term memory loss from loss of oxygen to my brain and neurological pain and problems it left behind. That was 3 years ago. The PTSD and depression/anxiety just kicked in in full force about a year ago. For a while I didn't even touch my computer other than to force myself to go online and pay bills but now I pick it up daily and check my emails and the DF for any new insight just in case someone came up with a cure for depression overnight that I need to know about! ;)
  19. Hi and welcome, I, too, am a terrible procrastinator. I panick at the thought of even the smallest tasks sometimes. Right now I have to call my doctor for a refill of my meds but I'm putting it off for the stupidest reason, because I know I will get a voicemail and they will call back and the phone ringing (or even vibrating) makes me jump). Yep, I'm that pathetic. All I can say is to try and tackle one small task. I'm a single mom of an 11-year-old boy and HAVE to get up and function every day even though some days it's a real challenge. I feel like I'm missing out on the best part of being a mom, my son's childhood, because of this depression and panick disorder and just do my best to get through one step at a time. I can relate to trying to do online challenges as when I went to school a few years ago, one of my classes was online and I eventually had to transfer to the school because I didn't have the self discipline to do it myself from home. Ironically I became a medical transcriptionist who worked from home for 4 years before getting Legionnaire's that damaged my short term memory and other neurological problems and was forced to quit because I couldn't concentrate anymore. I've dealt with the panick and PTSD (I was in a coma for 5 days and can't sleep at night for fear of slipping back to the coma place). I hope you find the strength to tackle what you have to do. Reward yourself for each small task accomplished. Right now, I'm going to try and get off this computer and call my doc! Good luck to you!
  20. I've been on every antidepressent and benzo known to man (I'm a long time depression sufferer, then nearly died in 2008 from Legionnaire's and now have PTSD from my 5 days in a coma and other illness related traumas). I'm currently dealing with major depression and anxiety, insomnia and PTSD. After reading somewhere about L-theanine and doing some internet research) I decided to try it (it was hard to find, finally ordered it online). It's only been a few days but I do feel a little less stressed. Initially the only supplement I found was at a pharmacy in a natural sleep aid that had L-theanine in it and I actually found it help me fall asleep (still can't stay asleep though) and I've been on 15 mg of Ambien for a long time. Anyway, I hit amazon today after having such a difficult time finding L-theanine in the stores and found a bunch of supplements that claim to help with depression, anxiety, sleep, etc. I ordered L-tryptophan and a couple of different variations of the L-theanine to see if one works better than the other but was wondering if anyone had tried anything such as GABA, L-theanine, seredyn, etc. I also started omega 3 after reading that sometimes that helps. Can you tell I'm desperate??? Any experiences, good or bad, out there? I'm anxious to hear if I'm the only ***** spending $100 on Amazon in one day!
  21. Oh my GOSH can I relate to you and your anxiety!!! I have the same off the wall symptoms and an 11 year old son whose father didn't show up into his life until I asked for my one and only raise in child support. He took me to court thinking he was just going to walz in and get half custody and get out of paying but he did get 2 days a week with one being an overnight. My son barely knows him and it's been over a year and he STILL cries days in advance to the overnights! Just last week his dad told me he was going to goto court for every other weekend, 3 days in a row (Fri thru Sun but he plays in a band so he's not even THERE on Fri or Sat night!) and I said NO WAY. He's just trying to weazel his way up to that half custody. My son can't stand his stepmother, all she does is boss him around. It's OUR HOUSE, OUR RULES over there, eat what they fix or starve. They tell him it's all your mom's fault your like this, yeah, at least I was THERE the first 9 years of his life. I've been so stressed and so MAD all week my anxiety and depression are in overdrive!! To make matters worse, it's my son's overnight week Sun. and he's already stressing about it. His dad hasn't seen him during the week in over a month because he plays VOLLEYBALL (he's 48) on his court ordered night and apparently that's more important than spending time with his son. And he thinks he's going to beat me in court??? BRING IN ON, BIG BOY! WHEW!!! Thanx, I needed that...... Marcia
  22. Writing definitely helps! And I just joined this board a few days ago and it's already been an immense help! I suffered a bad case of Legionnaires disease in 2008 (in a coma 5 days, very weird coma dreams, on a respirator, kidney failure, near death) and my doctors believe I have post traumatic stress. I decided to start writing a "book" about my experience and add to it almost every day. I'm still dealing with my depression on a daily basis and the insomnia is horrible (I feel like I'm slipping back into a coma that I won't be able to wake up from) but writing here and in my "book" is very therapeutic! If I ever get it published, I'll let y'all know so you can buy it and I can become a best selling author and be rich and famous......maybe that will help with my depression, or at least my fininancial stress! :) Good thoughts sent to all of you! Marcia
  23. I wish I had some avice for you. I have been on mirtazipine for almost after a year after a sudden loss of appetite, nause and vomiting for 2 months landed me in the hospital where they could find nothing physically wrong with me so diagnosed me with stress and anxiety. My psychiatrist believes I have post traumatic stress from a serious case of legionnaire's disease a few years ago where I spent 5 days in a coma and nearly died. She started me on 30 mg and increased me to 45 mg because I wasn't gaining any weight (I lost 40 lb in 2 months) and athough I still suffer from anxiety, depression and insomnia, I do have an appetite and have ggained back about 15 lb. I don't really have any side effects from the med, but it doesn't help me sleep the way some people say it does. It helps some with my anxiety and depression but only for the hours after I take it at night. By morning the symptoms return and I'm still anxious and depressed, probably due to lack of sleep. I guess all I could reccomend is talk to your doctor. Maybe you just need to get reaccustomed to the med. I hope you feel better soon! Marcia
  24. Thank you so much for your post, you have no idea how much it helps knowing that you've gone through this and have come out on the other side and feel happy again because at times It feels that happiness is gone for good. It gives me hope that it's still out there! I keep it together day by day by telling myself my son needs me. His dad is doing everything he can right now to try to force him to stay at his house more and more and since he was virutally nonexistant the first 9 years of his life, I know his only motive is to try to get his child support lowered or eliminated. My son PANICS every time he has to go to his house overnight so I'm hoping if we do end up in court again, the court psychologist will see how much mental damage his father is doing and the judge won't let him have anymore overnights than the 2 Sundays a month he already stresses over. I should mention too that his dad plays in a very popular band in the area and is GONE virtually every Fri. and Sat. night so he wouldn't even BE there on the nights he wants my son there. Anyway, I keep it together because I know if I break down, my son's dad would use it against me and my son would be FORCED to live with him and I'd rather die than let that happen. I guess that's why I don't talk about my depression with anyone around here, it's a small town and I don't want it to get back to him so it was a Godsend to find this board. Best of luck to you, I hope you keep feeling better and thanks again for starting this thread for me. As much as I hate the idea of anyone else (except maybe my son's father and stepmother ; ) ) going through this hell, it is a comfort knowing I'm not alone in this crazy hell. Keep in touch, Marcia
  25. Hi guys, I'm new here. I've suffered from major depression for years but was doing okay (have tried every medication available, I think). In 2008 I contracted Legionnaire's Disease and nearly died. I was in a coma for 5 days on a respirator, total kidney failure, sepsis, etc. and woke up when my dreams in the coma gave me a glimpse into my son's (who was 7 at the time) future if I died. I'm a single mom, 46, and my son's dad only came back into the picture when I asked for a raise (first ever) in my child support when my son was 9. He has since been trying to manipulate half custody to get out of paying and traumatizing my son by forcing him to stay overnight (court ordered) against his will. My son is now 11 and still cries every time he has to go to his father's for an overnight. My physchiatrist believes the stress of all this, plus post traumatic stress from my coma and near death experience triggered my current severe depression and anxiety which kicked in again in full force about a year ago. I can't sleep more than an hour at a time, my heart races for no reason, I feel depressed almost all of the time and worry about EVERYTHING! I never used to be this bad or feel this hopless, like this feelilng will never go away. I spent 4 days in the hospital last winter because I couldn't eat and lost 40 lbs in 2 months. The doctors found nothing wrong and wrote it off as stress. I'm currently on mirtazipine and clonazepam with little relief. I recently bought the book, "The Depression Cure" and have been trying to follow its tips including taking Omega 3 supplements. Has anyone else tried this, how much do you take, have you had any success, and have you tried anything else that works? I'm currently writing a "memoire" type book on my experience with my Legionnaire's hoping it will help. I also walk at least an hour every day with my dog and try not to "ruminate" or think about bad thoughts all the time but it's tough. I would give anything if I could get my life back and sleep through the night again without waking in terror and feeling panicked (has anyone else experienced this symptom?). Thanks for listening to my rambling and although I'm sorry you are all going through the same hell I am, I'm glad to have found this support group. Email me any time! Marcia
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